Orient Yourself!

Gabarone, Lobatse, Naledi, and another place that I'm not going to spell because I really have no idea how to properly spell it. Botswana. This was where I spent my first 10 days in the beautiful continent of Africa! I was blessed to be able to participate in a sort of 'cultural orientation' before actually settling into my new internship in South Africa. Basically I was with a group of other folks new to Africa that decided we wanted to experience culture shock together and quickly so we'd know how to handle it if it ever hit us again while we're out travelling across Africa or beginning new jobs and whatnot.

By the way - Africa is VERY beautiful! I had deserts painted in my mind, but it is SO green here! I absolutely love it!!

So, I'm not really sure how this blog will go as the semester continues, but this post is basically a recap of my flight to S.A. and my media-blackout orientation! So, here we go!:

Saturday, January 14th:
After enjoying a nice, big breakfast with mom, dad, and Chip at the Huntsville airport I was off! Well, first I had to go through security and that kind of stuff. I haven't traveled via airplane since I was 12 years old, so when I got to the right gate I stood at the counter wondering what I was supposed to do next. I asked an employee working there if I was supposed to check-in. His response: a lot of laughter. I had to explain that I hadn't flown in quite some time and he then laughed a bit more and told me just to have a seat and he'd call everyone at once to board the plane.

Flying to DC was a great flight :) I met a new friend, Joanna, and we talked the entire way to DC. It sure made the flight go by a lot quicker. Dulles airport in DC was much less intimidating than I imagined. The memory of the Chicago airport had me a little paranoid, lol. Dulles was pretty empty when I got there around noon. I caught a bus and then took a train to the gate to wait on my partner/ fellow intern, Erin (she was flying in from Atlanta). On the way to her gate, I found it: a cheeseburger. The week prior to leaving I made SURE to get Little Rosie's, P.F. Changs, and Chickfila. What did I forget? A good cheeseburger. Naturally, I made sure to get an amazing Five Guys cheeseburger with plenty of fries before the Atlanta flight got in.

The Atlanta plane arrived after a few hours of waiting, and off walked Erin! We waited awhile before our flight to Joburg and I made sure to get a strawberry frosted Dunkin Donut before I left it behind for 4.5 months - gotta make sure you cover all your bases before flying off, ya know?

So after a 3.5 hour delay due to electrical problems, we were off into the wild, blue yonder!! I didn't sleep a wink in our 8ish hour flight to Senegal (our 1 stop) and I made myself paranoid by watching Contagion on the flight. Every cough or sneeze make me hold my breath for a second. I suggest not watching that movie to anyone considering on a bazillion hour flight with 100 other people.

The next leg of the journey was a 7ish hour flight to Joburg! By the grace of our dear Lord, I was able to sleep!!!!! We landed in Joburg and got to ride back to my workplace for this semester to take a shower and catch a glorious 2 hour nap before waking up to go back to the airport to fly to Botswana!

So Botswana: Our orientation leader started off our grand adventure by making us blindfold our partner and describe Botswana to them as we headed to our first stop. When we got to the first stop, a little house and office with a house cat that looks like a lion cub, we spent a few hours learning about African culture by doing various activities and we all got to know each other a bit more.  When it came to lunch time we were dropped off at a Spar (grocery store) with pula (Botswana currency) and told to buy lunch. I'd like to mention that we didn't know the dollar to pula ratio, and we also did not speak Setswana. Erin & I opted for banana bread and grapes because the was a pretty confusing venture, lol.

The next few days were spent doing more educational activities and getting introduced to the culture. We rode in their taxi vans (Koombes - don't quote me on the spelling...) - they were a TON of fun, :) we went to the market, we ate Botswana hot dogs from street vendors, visited a hindu temple and mosque, served a traditional Botswana meal (meaning the girls had to serve the guys and wash their hands and junk... I like America, btw), and practiced Setswana with the people working at the place we slept.

We spent one day at Naledi - the 'ghetto' of Botswana. I spent most of the day there working in the garden of a church, pulling weeds and trying to make things look a little bit neater for the congregation. I spent a lot of time thinking about my mom and thanking God that he placed such a hard-working, servant-hearted woman in my life. My mom definitely has the gift of helps and she's constantly looking for ways to serve others by doing various tasks, particularly cleaning. Lucky for me, I wasn't homesick while I worked, I was just very grateful for all of the leaders and examples God has placed in my life to teach me how to be a servant of Christ.

A portion of the time at Naledi was spent walking around looking at the living conditions and visiting with a family. The experience wasn't a flooring experience where I was overcome with grief or hopelessness, but instead God allowed me to see His beauty in all situations. There were mothers in Naledi that affectionately led their kids around, friendly neighbors that smiled and waved as we passed by, kids laughing as they played, and there was still so much vegetation! I've seen much more depressing places, Skid Row in Los Angeles immediately comes to mind, so it was almost refreshing to be reminded that God hasn't forsaken people in the poorer places. In fact, the family that we visited with had an older woman in it that eagerly led me into her bedroom to show me her certificate of Baptism. There was so much joy on that woman's face and she was so happy to hear that we were doing work at her church that day. The language barrier made it difficult to communicate in depth with the family, but I can tell you that the smiles shared between all of us communicated the joy that we all found in our awesome Lord. That day really solidified something for me: I'm not here specifically to add to my resume, to feel good about myself, to make a dent in social justice issues of sex trafficking, poverty, crime, etc, or to become self-righteous. I am here specifically to follow God's will for my life: to bring hope and joy into desperate situations by sharing the hope and joy found in Jesus Christ!

I often get distracted by learning different things about Christianity and morals and whatnot and sometimes I forget that the only reason I am here right now is because the Holy Spirit rescued me when I was hopeless and depressed and alone. The only reason I am here is because God allowed me to glimpse the hope and joy he offers to anyone who follows Him and to anyone that makes Him the center of their life.

It's Mail Time!

Below are the instructions I received from my supervisor about mail!:

Receiving Mail:
All of our mail is delivered to the office compound via PO boxes. You can receive mail at the following address:

IBSA
c/o Sarah Katherine Johnson
PO Box 1759
Edenvale 1610
South Africa

Don't expect to receive mail quickly. Expedited mail usually takes 1-2 weeks to arrive from the States. The normal system takes several weeks longer.

People in the States can send you mail at anytime, but there are some guidelines that they need to follow when sending packages to you in South Africa. I would highly recommend sharing these guidelines with them:
1. Clearly mark the following somewhere on the outside of the package: "Unsolicited Gifts." It's also a good idea to write "For Personal Use - Not For Resale" on the customs sticker that is included with the package.
2. They'll have to get one of the customs/ international mailing stickers from the post office. This gives them a place to give a general list of items included in the package and how much each item is worth. Do NOT list the actual (paid) price of items on the outside of the package or on this form. You will have to pay 1/2 of what is listed as the worth to the customs officials. For example, if an item is listed as costing $20... you will have to pay $10 to get the package from customs. The price listed should be the garage sale price of the item. Once an item is purchased and removed from its original packaging, it is not longer new. The resale (or garage sale) price is sufficient and truthful.
3. Anything included in the package needs to be taken out of the original wrapping/ container. For example, a CD/ DVD should be unwrapped/ opened, any original boxes for items should not be included, etc.
4. If sending any food... remove the items from their original package/ box/ bag and put them in a sealed Ziploc bag. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it will appease the customs officials for not looking like you're importing goods from the States. Secondly, the sealed bags will also seal the smell of the food and protect it from rats. Many individuals have received packages with holes in them... and the food half-eaten by rats. So again... if they want you to receive the food items they send, remove them from their original packaging and seal them in Ziploc bags!
5. Large mailing bags (no matter the size or weight), manilla envelopes (even the thick padded ones), regular letters or envelopes, postcards, etc, are easily received and rarely opened by the customs officials. You may have to pay a small fee for receiving large bags/ envelopes, but it is usually only a few dollars. Letters are not read - whether they're in an envelope or a package, but packages (boxes) are almost always opened by the customs officials. Usually there isn't a problem with receiving all that is in a package (unless an electronic item is included), but keep in mind that there is a slight chance that something could be confiscated. No one should send you anything electronic in the mail. It will NOT get to you.
6. There is no problems with sending Christian materials or items. Because you are an American, it is assumed that you are a Christian and expected that you will receive Christian/ spiritual types of things. Don't worry about that.

Let Darkness Be Exposed, and Fear Be Named a Foe

Defining Moments.

I've had a lot of them. I remember very clearly a lot of them. In all honesty they found me at the darkest moments in my life.

Dark Moments.

Growing up in church, there seems to be so much niceness and innocence. Sometimes it comes off as completely genuine and authentic and there is no doubt of the love in someone's eyes and voice. Other times it seems like such a plastic, plastered-on niceness with a hint of fear. A fear of judgment, a fear of people being able to see past the perfect exterior into the area of fault in your life. These two forms of niceness have been two of the most confusing things I've ever had to deal with in the church.

My past isn't a nice, bubbly tale about the perfect family, the biggest abundance of material blessings, and it isn't about unending happiness. It is difficult for me to value my defining moments, my dark moments, because I feel like I've done this whole 'Christian' thing wrong.

Where do the people with dark pasts go when there's a pressure to be so innocent? Is it my age or my gender that makes it so difficult to believe I could know so much about hatred, violence, and pure, unforgiving rage?

It's not that I can't understand joy or freedom or love. It was those defining moments that taught me about such things. I know my side of my relationship with God and I know I'm growing because I see it within myself, as do my closest few friends, but how do you let others see who you are? I've heard so often about the value of both honesty and vulnerability. I love the opportunities that I have to be honest about my past, but when your past scares other people what are you supposed to do? The point of someone's testimony is to show the true, raw power of God. It is a power of transformation, a power that should dismiss all fear because His Love has driven it from that person's life. I do not fear my past. Without it, I would not be the same daughter of God that I am now.

How do you teach others not to fear?

Teach them Love. Teach them to Love. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I think it's time for more darkness to exit out of Suburbia America. Not for the sake of darkness, but for the sake of showing the power of the light. I know I relate so much to Lord of the Rings, but I think about the ranks of Sauron marching up to the walls of Minas Tirith and an orc chieftain saying, "Fear. The city is rank with it."

Behind the walls of wealth and luxury there is obviously something amiss if loneliness is one of our nation's biggest problems. I see fear here and there, but we seem to be very good at hiding it. If we hide fear, how can we let Love drive it out?

This isn't a post about accusation or about saying there isn't hope. It's a post about reflection and realization. Are you genuine and authentic? Do you fear other people? I've observed that many people in my past have feared other people, instead of true Evil. I understand the importance of choosing your close friends wisely, but that doesn't excuse anyone from getting to know all types of people. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

We shouldn't fear people and we shouldn't fear their pasts. We should love them, with a Love unlike what's preached to us in our culture. No one is perfect, and I know I can't be the only one that is so weary of pretending.

Darkness creeps upon my sill,
Patiently it waits to be let in.
The night is deep and time is still,
Tempting, impregnating my every thought.

Years of grief are shed in a tear,
And You lift your finger to my cheek.
I feel You and I know you're here,
To save me from this brokeness.

Time after time and time again,
You come to me as I'm in desperate need.
Like a faithful and most loyal friend,
You walk with me through the darkest nights,
And lead me to your Realm of Light.

You Can Run...

This is just a thought that I haven't looked into and am not claiming to be absolute truth. It's just a thought I've had while reading and reflecting on all the people I've known. In Galatians 3 it talks about how there is no longer male and female in Christ, as in each have a soul and are on equal turf through Jesus. For the people I've known that have such issues with the passages talking about wives being submissive to their husbands, it's not a matter of not being equal. The way I've begun to see it is that the husband is an example of God the Father - righteously leading, and the wife is an example of Jesus the Son - submissive as Christ submitted to the Father even through torture and death. It's not about a power battle, it's about knowing God through the relationships we have. A husband and wife are also compared to Jesus and the church. There is one who leads and one who submits. I've seen so many have such an issue with submission, and it's caused several people I know to be angry. It's also given some guys I know a sense of entitlement that they take beyond the point of real righteousness. The life most of us know is so much about status, but does God truly care?

In my opinion, God is more interested in you. He's interested in your past, present and future. He's interested in that event in your life - the one that caused you more pain than you thought possible - that event that changed your life and broke you. The beauty of knowing God is the chance to be submissive, as Christ was. The beauty of God is knowing that you can be completely vulnerable and He will lead you to the light and to freedom. For a long time I've wondered why people are so afraid to be vulnerable and to really spend intimate time with God asking Him how they can be more like Him. The answer I've come to is this: We're afraid. We're afraid of that pain and we're ashamed of being broken. This country has come to a point where status is everything, and few things speak more of you than your accomplishments and the thing we call 'success.' I'm not speaking to everyone that is reading this message because I know some people really get it. But I think it's healthy once in a while to stop and ask yourself: What am I afraid of? What hurts even when I deal with it time and time again? What has broken me?

It's time to stop hiding and to stop making excuses for yourself and it's time to stop living in the dark. Ignorance may be bliss, but it's only because the ignorant don't understand the power and joy of Truth. What is it you are afraid to face?

This verse really convicted me: "Are you so foolish? Having started with the Spirit, are you now ending with the flesh? Did you experience so much for nothing..." Galatians 3:3-4

Just like my mom

So I've finished Andy Stanley's sermon series "The New Rules for Love, Sex, & Dating" and I want to encourage every single single person that reads this blog to go listen to it. And by single, I mean anyone who isn't married. It really opened my eyes to a lot of "me" issues I have, and I think everyone could benefit in some way from hearing this.


God really is funny sometimes. It's amusing to me that I grew up observing my mom watching Charles Stanley on TV all the time, and now that I'm older I constantly enjoy watching and listening to Andy. I guess the Johnson's have a thing for the Stanley's, lol.

Porcelain Heart

"Creator, only you take brokenness and create it into Beauty once again."
- 'Porcelain Heart' by BarlowGirl

A lot has gone on in the past few weeks within myself. I'm sure I could write for days (as I have been in my journal) about all the stuff that I've heard for years in the 'christian world' that is finally making sense. There are several things I want to talk about, but somewhat unfortunately my desire to read and study is more pressing than my desire to blog about it. Something I do want to blog about is my heart.

When I was about five years old, I found the man of my dreams. He was cute, funny, from a Christian family, nice, and all that a girl could want in a fellow Kindergartener. I'm pretty sure I even remember telling my mom that I was going to marry him one day. I'm not sure whether you're thinking that is cute or disturbing, but I look at it and think that was my heart. From the time I was 5 years old until 6 days ago, my heart idolized marriage. That seems almost ludicrous to write out, but it's true. I remember feeling something tug at the strings of my heart when I would watch the Beast transform into a handsome prince and look at Belle will eyes full of love. I remember my little heart melting when Lady and the Tramp met at the middle of that spaghetti noodle. I remember a whole lot of diary entries all throughout elementary, middle, and high school talking about how much I loved 'so-and-so'... there were about 5 of them... and how if this guy would only just notice me as something more, we were bound to work forever. It was all because I loved them, because I had so much love for them that marriage just had to be in our future. I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me then that if it didn't work with the first 2 or 3, why should it work with the last 2 or 3? I'm pretty sure I was using age to explain away that part of my idolatry: the older I got, the more practical marriage seemed since a 15 year old is definitely closer to marriage than a 10 year old, and a 20 year old, is MOST definitely closer to marriage than a 15 year old.

And it's not like it stopped with high school either... I was that girl that came to college to get her "MRS" degree. I figured it'd be pretty cool if I got a real degree in addition, but I came to college to get hitched. Looking back now, I realized that for years and years and years, I've broken my heart too many times to count. I can't blame a single guy that didn't show interest and I can't blame myself for not being attractive or good enough- my heart was broken because I was ignorant and because all that time, seeking God was not at the top of my priority list. I am thankful to say that I haven't left behind a long trail of boyfriends that have suffered through bad relationships because of my sin, but having just one go through it hurts me enough as it is. I tell you all of this background information to illustrate where I've come from so that you can better understand where I'm going.

In my mind I also pictured a man that would absolutely sweep my off my feet and adore me. I was so focused on him not being there that I missed out on the man that was there... Jesus. This isn't to say I've been completely ignorant of God in my life - I've turned to Him many times when I was feeling broken and depressed, and on some occasions suicidal. I learned valuable lessons in forgiveness, patience, purity, understanding, prayer, having a genuine heart, worship, and caring for others regardless of who they are or what they do. Those lessons still stick with me today and are a testament of what God has done in a life that was never even fully committed to Him. In my blind eyes I was committed, but now God has shed the scales that have kept me from seeing what should have been so obvious: my life was constantly centered around finding Mr. Right.

This process of revealing the truth has taken a few months of dedication to reading the Bible cover to cover and reading lots of Christian literature and listening to sermon podcasts and taking a step back and trying to stop destructive habits. This summer, so far, has been such a summer of success! Right now I've just recently finished reading 1st Samuel (my plan is taking me through the Bible in chronological order based on when the events actually happened). Up to this point, I've realized that a lot of the Old Testament is about idolatry. It comes in all different shapes and forms. I've heard many people say pride and selfishness are the root of a lot of our problems concerning connectedness with God. To take that a step further, I think everyone needs to ask themselves what their primary form of idolatry is. It can be a variety of things, some more obvious than others. It's not like I was having sex all the time or going on dates left and right (by the grace of God, I've only had one relationship ever), but I was making something in my life bigger than God. For years I saw the symptoms, but never the root of the problem. I saw how depressed I was (enough to lose 8 lbs in few days from not eating during a difficult week, and staring down at a hand-full of pills a couple of other times), I saw what bad self-image I had (it's always been "if I were skinnier," and "if I just had an athletic body or smaller frame"), I saw how difficult it was for me to maintain friendships with guys (because every guy I met was typically a "potential"), and I felt so alienated from some of my girl friends (they either had boyfriends, or they seemed to somehow be completely happy with their life for other various reasons- which blew my mind). There was a constant loneliness that visited me every night as I lay down to go to sleep. Even when I was in a relationship, I felt security now and then, but I realized relationships aren't the perfect things I had always imagined them to be.

Everyone has symptoms and it usually doesn't take them long to find them. My encouragement to everyone else is to look at those symptoms and begin a journey to find their root. Romans 12:1&2 say, "Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices- holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will." These verses have come to mean SO much to me these past few weeks. My reading list this past semester has included "Captivating" by John and Stacy Eldredge, "Radical" by David Platt, "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge, "The Next Christians" by Gabe Lyons, and currently "Living on the Edge" by Chip Ingram. Through this excellent compilation of literature, in addition to reading the Bible daily (except those times when I did get distracted, because I'm FAR from perfect), I've come to realize that the most important thing I can do in my life is to seek God. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." This hasn't made real sense until recently. Now I realize that answers in life and my personal growth and the things I desire and wish for in my heart of hearts are all to be found as I kneel at God's feet in submission to Him. Reading my Bible is no longer a task that will make me a better Christian, it is my way to discover exactly what God is asking of me in my life in a day to day aspect. Praying to God is no longer this awkward discussion where sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself, or other times I just feel guilty thinking I should be doing something different. Prayer is now my way to speak to God to thank Him for what He's taught me and to ask Him for more wisdom and insight about how I'm living my life. This may sound redundant or confusing, but it's like I was living my life as a Christian and watching life pass me by with foggy binoculars. I was zoning in on the symptoms of my idolatry and constantly asking God, "WHY?!" and not searching for an answer. I was trying to listen to His answer without actually seeking answers in His Word. I could only see my dissatisfaction and tried to console myself with the age-old thought that I should be joyful in all situations because it's the will of God. What I didn't realize was that living my life blindly wasn't the will of God. He wills me to see my life with clarity and honesty. Now I finally think I know how and why I should seek that clarity. I've never studied my Bible and asked myself questions like this. It's really exciting for me :)

Discovering my idolatry was only one step of many. From that I've been taking Romans 12:1&2 seriously and I've been trying to transform the way I think by watching my diet of media. For example, I've stopped watching The Vampire Diaries. Laugh, go ahead- I was sort of obsessed with that show because Boone from Lost was on it, and for those who knew me in high school - well, they understand. In asking God what I needed to change in my life, I realized that I was spending more time watching reruns of TVD then I was spending time with God. Not only that, but I wanted to devote more time to TVD because it had plenty of love and lust and destiny and pretending like romantic relationships are basically the center of our lives. I realized quickly that that is not what the Bible was teaching me about love, and that if I wanted to change, I had to stop risking TV shows and movies that feed me the thought that my life is about finding a human 'true love.' I can't control what my friends say, so that's something I'm still learning about, as far as solutions are concerned. However I am trying much harder to keep myself from saying negative things (my poor self-image has led to years of gossiping about others to make me feel better and more superior about myself).

Usually these posts are filled with a lot more scripture, but in this case I think just telling you what God is doing in my life is more sufficient. These past few weeks I've found a gold-mine of scripture that my journal is now full of for me to look back at and reflect on. I want to encourage you, whoever you are, to start reading your Bible and other Christian authors so that God can reveal to you personally words of encouragement. That's pretty much what my Bible is now. It's no longer a book I should read to be a good person or to read a storybook about Jewish history. Now it's a love story and a book of instruction and a tool that my God uses to speak to me. Sometimes the things written on the page seem so sincere, and meant for me personally because they apply directly to my life at that moment. There is no doubt in my mind that, "all Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right," (2 Timothy 3:16) and that, "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God," (John 1:1). I know not all of my friends will agree on this with me, but I truly believe in my heart that the Bible is alive and it's the way God most often speaks to those of us who use it. I say this purely from personal experience and realizing that I've never known so many answers or seen myself as accurately as I do now because I've never sought God through the Word of God. Now I'm going somewhere and I have more clear instruction on how to do that.

So now to where I'm going. I've been watching Andy Stanley's "Love, Sex, & Dating" series online and in it he asks everyone to "become the person that you are looking for is looking for." Haha, good ol' Andy literally thought out something confusing to please the people that claim he's not deep (what a silly thing to be upset about...). The next year I am officially taking a BREAK from DATING. Whoa. Sarah Johnson just said that. Even though a lot of people haven't known my heart because God hasn't provided multiple boyfriends in my life, dating is what I spent the majority of my time thinking about. This next year is all about discovering me- the girl that God made to be so much more than she imagined. The girl that wants to prepare her heart for the future plans God has for her. I'm compiling a list of all the things I desire in a husband, and the next year I'm going to focus on being that (except the strong and handsome thing... I'm okay with not being physically strong or handsome... haha). I'm going to become the person that I'm looking for is looking for, and much more than that: I'm going to become the girl that God has designed and desired me to be. Now that I've finally identified my biggest area of idolatry, I can submit that to God daily and spend time with Him to refine the woman he desires to see in me.

So what is it that you see in your life that causes you doubt, guilt, confusion, fear, sadness, or aloofness? I want to encourage you from the very depth of my heart to seek God through His Word and through other teachers and instructors and through encouraging music. I want to encourage you that there are insecurities in your life and an area of idolatry that God knows about and that He wants to rescue you from. Realizing what you've done always seems more scary and painful when you haven't taken the time to do it yet, but you will save yourself YEARS of pain if you will ask God now where your weaknesses are.

God created you, and so He is the best place to go for repair when you've broken your own heart. As final words of encouragement I will share three verses I found the other day that I am really encouraged by:

"I will thank you forever, because of what you have done. In the presence of the faithful I will proclaim your name, for it is good." Psalm 52:9

"For you have delivered my soul from death, and my feet from falling so that I may walk before God in the light of life." Psalm 56:13

"Look to Him and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed." Psalm 34:5

We All Have Our Weaknesses

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40: 28-29

After struggling with depression for 10 years, knowing that God is always willing to offer me strength is such an encouragement. I don't know if I'll ever really feel like I fit in with any other group of humans, but I know God will offer me the strength to get through any pain. I'm not sure how long I will continue to struggle with depression and a creeping sense of hopelessness, but I know my God will not forsake me and that I just have to persevere and cling to the promises He made. For now, I just have to keep reminding myself and believing that, "The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving." Pslam 28:7