Jesus keep me near to Your heart
For outside of You I'm lost
Draw me in the tide of Your will
Lead me as I yield myself to You
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart
Rescue me in weakness of mind
When distraction conquers me
Keep me in Your shadow oh Lord
Give me grace to follow where You lead
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart
For You are everything that is beautiful
And You are all that I long to see in me
You are everything that is beautiful
Breathe Your desires in me
Keep me in the place where You are
For Your presence is my joy
Break my selfish nature and pride
Mould a life of loyalty to You
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart
Form in us a heart of divine beauty
-- Rend Collective Experiment
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
People
South Africa is called the "Rainbow Nation" for a reason, and it's not because of gender or hippies or an obsession with care bears. Nope, it's because there are people from EVERYWHERE in this country. Seriously. It's a blessing that they pretty much all speak English! I came here wanting to learn a language, but the longer I'm here the more I realize how pointless that would be... there is no one language that would be helpful to know in my ministries (apart from English). So, without further ado I give you the people of South Africa*:
Please don't be offended by any of my generalizations. I recognize that you can't put any person in a box and say, "This is who you are." I'm just giving you observations I've made while being here. So, Afrikaans people. Afrikaans people are descendents of Dutch settlers to South Africa. About 7 million people speak the language of Afrikaans in South Africa (that's about 13.5% of the population). Listening to Afrikaans on the radio here is interesting... as an American it sounds like people are trying to hock a loogie in the middle of tender love ballads.
From what I've observed, the majority of Afrikaaners LOVE rugby and are generally very big people (that could be 'big' as in extremely chiseled muscles on every square centimeter of their body or 'big' as in they have thick bones and wide-set shoulders and hips or 'big' as in you may want to lay off the beer for awhile). And about beer - apparently they like it a lot! I went to a rugby game in August and the friendly guys in front of us were Afrikaans and had about 8-12 beers a piece and they acted merely tipsy. No biggie, apparently. (note: my observation about them liking beer comes from MANY different specimens, not just those four dudes).
The game was fun, but I still have no clue what was going on. I still need to watch Invictus with Morgan Freemand & Matt Damon... maybe that'll give me some more insight. Rugby seems like a game that includes bits of American football, soccer, basketball, gymnastics, and wrestling, and even after the player cross the "end zone" it doesn't mean they got a touchdown, or whatever it's called. That ball can stay in the "end zone" for five minutes before actual points are awarded. Since I knew there was no hope of understanding the game, I spent my time people watching instead. While we were there an Afrikaans man with a flag was waving it on top of our heads yelling at us in Afrikaans and refusing to translate for us. The guys in front of us let us know that he was telling us we needed to yell and get excited. Go team!
I'm assuming that pretty much all Afrikaans in Joburg know English, but I might be wrong. That man wasn't the first or last time that an Afrikaaner spoke to me in Afrikaans. My immediate reaction is saying, "No, I'm an America. I only speak English," and their response is to add hand gestures and speak louder in Afrikaans. I've asked a few people about it -- some say they have no idea what that was about and they say the Afrikaaners are just strange. Others have said that's just how stubborn Afrikaans people are. I'm not sure which is the truth, but I do know that I'm going to my next rugby game with a national so I will actually have a clue about the game.
For me, I've completely stopped trying to say things in Afrikaans. One night I tried to pronounce the name of a city in Afrikaans and I had my pastor, his wife, and a few others clutching their sides from laughing so hard at how bad I butchered that word. Speaking of being terrible at pronunciation: Charlize Theron, the actress & model, is of Afrikaans descent and when she moved to America she changed the pronunciation of her name to make it sound more American. Some Afrikaaners and South Africans are still bitter about that because they think she's abandoning her roots. Regardless of their ethnicity, it seems many South Africans are very proud of their heritage!
*because there are so many people, I'm going to tell you about the people in multiple posts. Look for another post soon!
Afrikaans
The national rugby team, the Springboks, in action
From what I've observed, the majority of Afrikaaners LOVE rugby and are generally very big people (that could be 'big' as in extremely chiseled muscles on every square centimeter of their body or 'big' as in they have thick bones and wide-set shoulders and hips or 'big' as in you may want to lay off the beer for awhile). And about beer - apparently they like it a lot! I went to a rugby game in August and the friendly guys in front of us were Afrikaans and had about 8-12 beers a piece and they acted merely tipsy. No biggie, apparently. (note: my observation about them liking beer comes from MANY different specimens, not just those four dudes).
At a Lion's rugby match with other expat friends
I'm assuming that pretty much all Afrikaans in Joburg know English, but I might be wrong. That man wasn't the first or last time that an Afrikaaner spoke to me in Afrikaans. My immediate reaction is saying, "No, I'm an America. I only speak English," and their response is to add hand gestures and speak louder in Afrikaans. I've asked a few people about it -- some say they have no idea what that was about and they say the Afrikaaners are just strange. Others have said that's just how stubborn Afrikaans people are. I'm not sure which is the truth, but I do know that I'm going to my next rugby game with a national so I will actually have a clue about the game.
"Schoemanshoek"
For me, I've completely stopped trying to say things in Afrikaans. One night I tried to pronounce the name of a city in Afrikaans and I had my pastor, his wife, and a few others clutching their sides from laughing so hard at how bad I butchered that word. Speaking of being terrible at pronunciation: Charlize Theron, the actress & model, is of Afrikaans descent and when she moved to America she changed the pronunciation of her name to make it sound more American. Some Afrikaaners and South Africans are still bitter about that because they think she's abandoning her roots. Regardless of their ethnicity, it seems many South Africans are very proud of their heritage!
The Other White People
The other white people (although honestly, Afrikaaners are pretty much all perfectly tan) are a mixture of British & Australian descendents. If you want more info on them, go visit England. The white South Africans have a not-quite-British, not-quite-Aussie accent. It's right in between the two. Highly developed parts of the country have heavy British influence, including roundabouts everywhere, tea time at every occasion, and calling stoplights "robots," trunks "boots," napkins "serviettes," cookies "biscuits," and pacifiers "dummies."
A major benefit to the British influence is that I get to watch Downton Abbey when it airs in Britain, which is months ahead of the American PBS premiere! Sorry, but not sorry! ;) When I say that the Brits developed the area, I really mean that. Contrary to what I've found to be popular belief among Americans, lions and zebras do not roam free in Johannesburg. We have soaring skyscrapers, VERY nice malls, loads of nice restaurants, huge casino malls, theatres, museums, movie theaters, bowling alleys, ice skating rinks, etc...
Montecasino
So really, Johannesburg is not too different from living in America. There's just going to be Cadbury instead of Hershey's and we drive on the left side of the road instead of the right.
*because there are so many people, I'm going to tell you about the people in multiple posts. Look for another post soon!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monies
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So…. It’s been awhile. In all honestly, I’ve had some major
writer’s block... MAJOR writer's block. I tried to write several posts, but my thoughts and ideas were
anything but cohesive. SO, my solution is to not try to write my typical posts.
Instead I’m going to try to paint a portrait of Joburg for you guys by giving
you little tidbits at a time.
Let’s talk about the money!
Money is so colorful here! I love it!
AND it has Mandela’s face on it… big surprise! The back side has the Big 5 (like, each bill has a different animal in the Big 5... the Big 5 are (in order of R10 to R200): rhino, elephant, lion, cape buffalo, leopard). Right now the
exchange rate is around 10 Rand to 1 USD. So getting a double cheeseburger meal
at McDonald’s cost R35.00 aka about $3.50!
We also have coins: R5, R2, R1, and then for some strange
reason we even have 50 cents, 20 cents, 10 cents, and 5 cents. It blows my mind
that we have 5 cents because you almost never use it. Once upon a time there
were 1 cent & 2 cent coins, but they got rid of them because they were such
superfluous increments. So, since we DO still have 5 cents, if you go to the
store and your total of groceries is R214.26, the cashier rounds it to R214.25.
Everywhere you go the total is rounded when you pay with cash.
Anywho, thanks for reading! There’s your Joburg tidbit for
the week!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Abide in Me - Part I
This phrase has come across my mind time and time again since the end of March of this year. It was the theme of my cluster meeting (basically a retreat with some business meetings from time to time). It's one of those phrases that just floors me time and time again because it is so simple and should be so easy, but I have to constantly remind myself of it.
What does "abide in me" mean? Well, for me it means recognizing that no effort of my own - no attitude that I try to make myself have and no motive that I try to force on my actions - will make me any more righteous or good. It means realizing and admitting that, then just focusing on God. It means spending my time & effort on doing my part to develop my personal relationship with God. Abiding in Christ shouldn't just be a nice thought or idea - it should literally be your life if you are a follower of Christ. It's not an option, it's how you follow Christ. We aren't righteous in and of ourselves and we can't better ourselves. I know this goes way against the mainstream, but I really can't leave it to me to better myself. I can try to 'do the right thing' and go through the motions of doing something right; I can even talk myself into thinking that I'm doing something nice with a good attitude, but these aren't things that I can just do without the Spirit. The only times I have felt selflessness and true joy and true generosity and have known true goodness in my own life are times when I know that I can't take credit. They're times when I realize that the Spirit has brought understanding of some sort into my life and the Spirit has changed me. True change in my life has always come from seeking wisdom from God, or just in seeking Christ himself.
I have so much inner-dialogue taking place in my head all day long. Abiding in Him is when I'm actually thinking about life through the eyes of the Spirit because I've spent time in prayer and in His Word and meditating on Scripture. When I don't abide in Him, I'm typically struggling with keeping my thoughts pure and I have a harder time keeping my patience in check. I also tend to do 'nice' things with ulterior motives, and sometimes those motives are to make me feel better about myself instead of genuinely wanting to serve someone else -- how selfish can I be?!
"Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love." John 15:4-9
There is a whole lot to talk about in these verses, but I think they are worth talking about and need to be talked about so much more. I can't properly explain what all they mean to me, but I'll try to just give some commentary on what I've learned from this passage over the past couple of months.
'Abide in me as I abide in you.'
Christ's Spirit abides in me. Wait. Think about that. The Holy Spirit of Christ, one of the trinity, God Himself lives continually inside of me. Do we really live like that? When you're thinking to yourself about the contours of a hott guy's body and what you'd like to do with it, do you recognize that you're forcing God to listen to your lust for a man that is not your husband? When you're cussing out or thinking negative and rude things about someone that's just ticked you off - be it coworker, sibling, or random stranger - do you realize that the Spirit of Christ, the same Christ that hung before God on a cross and took the punishment for every sin ever committed, has to listen to you put down Jane Doe over there because she ruffled some feathers in your otherwise pleasant day? How petty of us. Initially I thought that problems like these were left up to me to solve. I thought I had to find the will-power and discipline to not think badly of people that offended me or made me angry. I thought I had to find the strength on my own to keep my mind out of the gutter. It's the first part of this phrase that has radically changed my life, 'Abide in me as I abide in you.'
The solution isn't doing these great things simply by my own will. The solution is to abide in Christ. How does one abide in Christ? Well, we've got an entire book that reveals the righteousness of Christ, the Father & the Spirit. In some ways, the Bible is a handbook. It holds the information that reveals what Christ taught to people while He lived on earth, and it has continued instruction from those who studied directly under Him, and those who were filled with the Spirit. You can even look in Acts 2:42 where one of the first things new converts that had just received the Holy Spirit did was devote themselves to the apostle's teaching. I think the Bible is a great way to start abiding in Christ.
However, you need to understand that just reading the Bible won't get you very fall at all, if anywhere. You have to actively participate in studying the Bible. Abiding in Christ also requires prayer (1 Thess 5:17). Be thankful to God for what He has given you and ask Him for help as you learn to abide in Him (Phil 4:6). You already have the Holy Spirit abiding, or living, inside you. Do you realize how fortunate you are? You have God living inside you and all you have to do is ask for wisdom as you study His Word and He promises to give it (James 1:5). This should be easy. Set aside time each day, pray for wisdom, then receive wisdom as you read His Word and meditate upon it. Of course, you should also continually thank God for your many blessings as just one way of surrendering credit and authority to Him.
We don't have to write formal letters asking permission and we don't have to study for hours and look up cross references and develop term papers or speak with the wisest beings alive to gain wisdom. We simply must ask for it. Now, please realize that wisdom and knowledge are not the same thing. Knowledge can certainly enhance your life in many ways, but wisdom changes the directive of your life. Wisdom from God changes your directive to point more and more precisely toward Him. We humans, being the humans that we are, get easily distracted - especially in this American culture. We've got stuff like 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike, The Boondock Saints, and a plethora of media and entertainment to distract us from the whole, pure, restorative Truth of God. I'm not innocent of letting myself get distracted because I'm every bit as human as the next person. I've noticed that as I abide in Christ more and more, I get less and less distracted.
Me personally, I get distracted by guys. I was developing crushes on like every boy I met because I just wanted to be in love that bad. I was surrounding myself with things that encouraged this way of thinking. I loved Nicholas Sparks books and chick flicks and was consuming a steady diet of Twilight, Nora Ephron movies, and even music like "Love Story." It's not that Taylor Swift's song has a bad message. It's that girls are bombarded with the idea that life is all about falling in love. I fell for it. I fell for it bad. I constantly thought about whoever my current crush was, or I'd internally being obsessing over the relationship I was sucked into via book or movie. I tried to make myself think of Jesus as my lover and I tried to make myself enjoy being single, but the truth is that I hated it. Singleness couldn't be a gift, because I wanted a relationship with someone more than anything else. Relationships are what made life worth living for and being in love with someone was what everyone else knew was the best thing ever. I didn't spend the time that I should of with the God that loves me so much more than any guy could. Sure, a guy could sacrifice his life for me and that would be a huge example of a great love. Yet, a guy, whether he's my husband or not, could never truly see my heart with all of my sin covering it. My husband couldn't forgive every wrong I've ever committed because he has no way to see all of my sin. That is why I say no guy could ever love me as much as God does. God knows. He knows it all, but He still has decided to forgive me.
Now my solution is this: I still love a good chick flick now and then, but I space them out. I won't let myself watch too many in a row (specifically I won't watch more than 2 girly movies in a row). I also have cut my Nicholas Sparks books out of my system. Not only were they unhealthy for my love-craving heart, but now I realize that they're just honestly not that well-written and the plots are actually pretty boring (it's AMAZING how stepping back to a different perspective can change your opinions). I also won't listen to lots of music about love and relationships. Sure, I've got songs here and there, but I choose to listen to other music instead. Now, I tried this stuff at first to no avail because I simply gave this stuff up. The step that runs parallel to the sacrifice thing is that I spend more time with God. When my imagination took over when my diet was cut short, I knew I still had a problem. I sure can imagine up a good romance. Now I needed to spend time in the Word and praying with God. I started mostly with prayer because I was exhausting myself thinking about boys. In my life I've now had 2 boys express a genuine desire to date me and in my mind something had to be wrong with me. Only two boys? What the heck was wrong with me? Instead of dwelling on why I wasn't good enough, I just started to ask God that question: "What is wrong with me?" At first I didn't hear anything back. I personally think God was testing me to see how long I'd stick with it so He could see how much I truly desired His opinion. I did stick with it. I asked many times and I asked about specific boys I had been thinking about and I asked what I was doing wrong. Finally I heard an answer that didn't really make sense at first. God's answer was, "these men are not yours." I started really digging into scripture and reading more and more about God's love and how the Spirit should be changing me. I learned more and more of my own depravity and how I needed to take the Spirit's role in my life more seriously. My attitudes and opinions started to change and I found myself caring more for others and desiring to serve them and I also found myself wanting to respect men more. Finally God revealed Himself more clearly to me - He never answered with anything like, 'you're perfect just the way you are' or 'nothing is wrong with you.' He answered with, "Sarah; I created this specific guy you're praying about right now. He is mine. Not only did I create him, but he has chosen me as his Lord & Savior and I am the one guiding him. I desire him to follow my will and he is simply not yours to take from me."
Wow.
Talk about being humbled.
The God of the universe called dibs on his own creation that I, in my pride & selfishness, wanted for myself. Lord, please keep me from making that dumb mistake again.
Our culture teaches us that there are plenty of men for the choosing. Like Bella, we get to make the choice of whether we want Edward or Jacob, and we're taught that being in love with two people at the same time is no biggie. We act like we deserve love and that it's not something that should be denied to us. We allow it to affect how we view ourselves - if people love us, we drink it in. If people don't love us, we wonder what's wrong with us. Sometimes we wonder what's wrong when people do love us - here's the answer: it's not about other people's love. It's about God's love. It's not about falling in love, it's about God's love consuming & transforming you.
This is why we need to abide in Christ. Our culture teaches us so many falsehoods that will not bring you freedom or true joy or real peace. We need to abide in Christ so that the Spirit can teach us truths in a way that we can really grasp and understand them. We need our perspectives changed so we will pursue purer, greater things and so the Spirit can work within us to make distracting things less distracting and appealing. We need to abide in Him so that we can be truly worthy of the Kingdom of God, like the Thessalonians in 2 Thess 1. We need to abide in Him so that we can be transformed into Heavenly creatures set apart from the world (Romans 12:2).
Sometimes I talk about life as a Christian being a struggle, and sometimes it is. Fortunately the greatest solution I have found to any problem or hurt or trial is to abide in Christ and strive toward being closer to Him and forming a better relationship with Him. When my effort is put there, He takes care of the rest. When my effort goes toward that, the Spirit makes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22) an automatic and genuine reaction to the stresses of life. (This is also a reference to the part of John 15 that says, 'Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches'). I am incapable on my own. I need God in order for me to grow (1 Corinth 3:7).
More to come on the dissecting this verse. God bless!
What does "abide in me" mean? Well, for me it means recognizing that no effort of my own - no attitude that I try to make myself have and no motive that I try to force on my actions - will make me any more righteous or good. It means realizing and admitting that, then just focusing on God. It means spending my time & effort on doing my part to develop my personal relationship with God. Abiding in Christ shouldn't just be a nice thought or idea - it should literally be your life if you are a follower of Christ. It's not an option, it's how you follow Christ. We aren't righteous in and of ourselves and we can't better ourselves. I know this goes way against the mainstream, but I really can't leave it to me to better myself. I can try to 'do the right thing' and go through the motions of doing something right; I can even talk myself into thinking that I'm doing something nice with a good attitude, but these aren't things that I can just do without the Spirit. The only times I have felt selflessness and true joy and true generosity and have known true goodness in my own life are times when I know that I can't take credit. They're times when I realize that the Spirit has brought understanding of some sort into my life and the Spirit has changed me. True change in my life has always come from seeking wisdom from God, or just in seeking Christ himself.
I have so much inner-dialogue taking place in my head all day long. Abiding in Him is when I'm actually thinking about life through the eyes of the Spirit because I've spent time in prayer and in His Word and meditating on Scripture. When I don't abide in Him, I'm typically struggling with keeping my thoughts pure and I have a harder time keeping my patience in check. I also tend to do 'nice' things with ulterior motives, and sometimes those motives are to make me feel better about myself instead of genuinely wanting to serve someone else -- how selfish can I be?!
"Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love." John 15:4-9
There is a whole lot to talk about in these verses, but I think they are worth talking about and need to be talked about so much more. I can't properly explain what all they mean to me, but I'll try to just give some commentary on what I've learned from this passage over the past couple of months.
'Abide in me as I abide in you.'
Christ's Spirit abides in me. Wait. Think about that. The Holy Spirit of Christ, one of the trinity, God Himself lives continually inside of me. Do we really live like that? When you're thinking to yourself about the contours of a hott guy's body and what you'd like to do with it, do you recognize that you're forcing God to listen to your lust for a man that is not your husband? When you're cussing out or thinking negative and rude things about someone that's just ticked you off - be it coworker, sibling, or random stranger - do you realize that the Spirit of Christ, the same Christ that hung before God on a cross and took the punishment for every sin ever committed, has to listen to you put down Jane Doe over there because she ruffled some feathers in your otherwise pleasant day? How petty of us. Initially I thought that problems like these were left up to me to solve. I thought I had to find the will-power and discipline to not think badly of people that offended me or made me angry. I thought I had to find the strength on my own to keep my mind out of the gutter. It's the first part of this phrase that has radically changed my life, 'Abide in me as I abide in you.'
The solution isn't doing these great things simply by my own will. The solution is to abide in Christ. How does one abide in Christ? Well, we've got an entire book that reveals the righteousness of Christ, the Father & the Spirit. In some ways, the Bible is a handbook. It holds the information that reveals what Christ taught to people while He lived on earth, and it has continued instruction from those who studied directly under Him, and those who were filled with the Spirit. You can even look in Acts 2:42 where one of the first things new converts that had just received the Holy Spirit did was devote themselves to the apostle's teaching. I think the Bible is a great way to start abiding in Christ.
However, you need to understand that just reading the Bible won't get you very fall at all, if anywhere. You have to actively participate in studying the Bible. Abiding in Christ also requires prayer (1 Thess 5:17). Be thankful to God for what He has given you and ask Him for help as you learn to abide in Him (Phil 4:6). You already have the Holy Spirit abiding, or living, inside you. Do you realize how fortunate you are? You have God living inside you and all you have to do is ask for wisdom as you study His Word and He promises to give it (James 1:5). This should be easy. Set aside time each day, pray for wisdom, then receive wisdom as you read His Word and meditate upon it. Of course, you should also continually thank God for your many blessings as just one way of surrendering credit and authority to Him.
We don't have to write formal letters asking permission and we don't have to study for hours and look up cross references and develop term papers or speak with the wisest beings alive to gain wisdom. We simply must ask for it. Now, please realize that wisdom and knowledge are not the same thing. Knowledge can certainly enhance your life in many ways, but wisdom changes the directive of your life. Wisdom from God changes your directive to point more and more precisely toward Him. We humans, being the humans that we are, get easily distracted - especially in this American culture. We've got stuff like 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike, The Boondock Saints, and a plethora of media and entertainment to distract us from the whole, pure, restorative Truth of God. I'm not innocent of letting myself get distracted because I'm every bit as human as the next person. I've noticed that as I abide in Christ more and more, I get less and less distracted.
Me personally, I get distracted by guys. I was developing crushes on like every boy I met because I just wanted to be in love that bad. I was surrounding myself with things that encouraged this way of thinking. I loved Nicholas Sparks books and chick flicks and was consuming a steady diet of Twilight, Nora Ephron movies, and even music like "Love Story." It's not that Taylor Swift's song has a bad message. It's that girls are bombarded with the idea that life is all about falling in love. I fell for it. I fell for it bad. I constantly thought about whoever my current crush was, or I'd internally being obsessing over the relationship I was sucked into via book or movie. I tried to make myself think of Jesus as my lover and I tried to make myself enjoy being single, but the truth is that I hated it. Singleness couldn't be a gift, because I wanted a relationship with someone more than anything else. Relationships are what made life worth living for and being in love with someone was what everyone else knew was the best thing ever. I didn't spend the time that I should of with the God that loves me so much more than any guy could. Sure, a guy could sacrifice his life for me and that would be a huge example of a great love. Yet, a guy, whether he's my husband or not, could never truly see my heart with all of my sin covering it. My husband couldn't forgive every wrong I've ever committed because he has no way to see all of my sin. That is why I say no guy could ever love me as much as God does. God knows. He knows it all, but He still has decided to forgive me.
Now my solution is this: I still love a good chick flick now and then, but I space them out. I won't let myself watch too many in a row (specifically I won't watch more than 2 girly movies in a row). I also have cut my Nicholas Sparks books out of my system. Not only were they unhealthy for my love-craving heart, but now I realize that they're just honestly not that well-written and the plots are actually pretty boring (it's AMAZING how stepping back to a different perspective can change your opinions). I also won't listen to lots of music about love and relationships. Sure, I've got songs here and there, but I choose to listen to other music instead. Now, I tried this stuff at first to no avail because I simply gave this stuff up. The step that runs parallel to the sacrifice thing is that I spend more time with God. When my imagination took over when my diet was cut short, I knew I still had a problem. I sure can imagine up a good romance. Now I needed to spend time in the Word and praying with God. I started mostly with prayer because I was exhausting myself thinking about boys. In my life I've now had 2 boys express a genuine desire to date me and in my mind something had to be wrong with me. Only two boys? What the heck was wrong with me? Instead of dwelling on why I wasn't good enough, I just started to ask God that question: "What is wrong with me?" At first I didn't hear anything back. I personally think God was testing me to see how long I'd stick with it so He could see how much I truly desired His opinion. I did stick with it. I asked many times and I asked about specific boys I had been thinking about and I asked what I was doing wrong. Finally I heard an answer that didn't really make sense at first. God's answer was, "these men are not yours." I started really digging into scripture and reading more and more about God's love and how the Spirit should be changing me. I learned more and more of my own depravity and how I needed to take the Spirit's role in my life more seriously. My attitudes and opinions started to change and I found myself caring more for others and desiring to serve them and I also found myself wanting to respect men more. Finally God revealed Himself more clearly to me - He never answered with anything like, 'you're perfect just the way you are' or 'nothing is wrong with you.' He answered with, "Sarah; I created this specific guy you're praying about right now. He is mine. Not only did I create him, but he has chosen me as his Lord & Savior and I am the one guiding him. I desire him to follow my will and he is simply not yours to take from me."
Wow.
Talk about being humbled.
The God of the universe called dibs on his own creation that I, in my pride & selfishness, wanted for myself. Lord, please keep me from making that dumb mistake again.
Our culture teaches us that there are plenty of men for the choosing. Like Bella, we get to make the choice of whether we want Edward or Jacob, and we're taught that being in love with two people at the same time is no biggie. We act like we deserve love and that it's not something that should be denied to us. We allow it to affect how we view ourselves - if people love us, we drink it in. If people don't love us, we wonder what's wrong with us. Sometimes we wonder what's wrong when people do love us - here's the answer: it's not about other people's love. It's about God's love. It's not about falling in love, it's about God's love consuming & transforming you.
This is why we need to abide in Christ. Our culture teaches us so many falsehoods that will not bring you freedom or true joy or real peace. We need to abide in Christ so that the Spirit can teach us truths in a way that we can really grasp and understand them. We need our perspectives changed so we will pursue purer, greater things and so the Spirit can work within us to make distracting things less distracting and appealing. We need to abide in Him so that we can be truly worthy of the Kingdom of God, like the Thessalonians in 2 Thess 1. We need to abide in Him so that we can be transformed into Heavenly creatures set apart from the world (Romans 12:2).
Sometimes I talk about life as a Christian being a struggle, and sometimes it is. Fortunately the greatest solution I have found to any problem or hurt or trial is to abide in Christ and strive toward being closer to Him and forming a better relationship with Him. When my effort is put there, He takes care of the rest. When my effort goes toward that, the Spirit makes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22) an automatic and genuine reaction to the stresses of life. (This is also a reference to the part of John 15 that says, 'Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches'). I am incapable on my own. I need God in order for me to grow (1 Corinth 3:7).
More to come on the dissecting this verse. God bless!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Grace Like Rain
"Welcome those who are weak in faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions." Romans 14:1
If there is one thing I've learned in my 8 years of being a Christian it's that grace is one of the most important, vital things in my life. I have been shown SO much grace, and I am commanded, convicted, and redesigned to be a creature of grace. I don't mean 'grace' like a ballerina would have. I doubt I'll ever walk gracefully around everywhere, given my tendency for klutziness, lol. I mean the kind of grace that dwells in a person's heart. The kind of grace that forgives your parents when they misjudge you, or the kind of grace you show a best friend when they've really messed up and hurt you. It's the grace that helps you understand that no matter how 'Christian' someone is, they're still human and prone to make mistakes. You know, life is really just a long list of mistakes and what makes a difference is how you respond. No one is immune from messing up and being in need of grace. No one can find true joy without it. Christ didn't die for us so that we could become conceited in Him. He died so that we could be free to love.
Think about it: forgiveness isn't always easy, but how do I want God to treat me when I stand before Him? Do I want God's partiality? Or do I want God to say, "You know, Sarah Katherine-- you did some good stuff, but recently you've really been ticking me off because you've ignored me the past few days. I'm also just not a huge fan of your personality because you're a difficult person. Because of that, I'm through with you. See ya."
Absolutely not. I know that God understand grace too well to even think about doing that. Regardless of my most recent sin before I die, I know that God's forgiveness won't run out because He'll be looking at my love and respect for Christ instead of my fleshly faults. So, don't you think I should treat others accordingly? Christ has never and will never give up on me. How dare I give up on anyone else? That isn't Christ-like. Christ forgave the people that were killing Him WHILE they were killing Him. He didn't wait until after His ascension to think about it and calm down, He had a Spirit of forgiveness in the midst of trouble. That is Biblical. When someone is different or difficult or rude or immature, love them like a warrior loves victory. Love them more than you love yourself.
"We who are strong ought to put up with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building up the neighbor. For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, 'The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me'." Romans 15:1-3
The Body of Christ is supposed to be an example of Christ's love for us. I think that a lot of times we're either so terrified of rejection or persecution that we just think of how things should be different without action, OR we're so busy trying to convert people to Christianity that we don't take enough time to care for our family (the Body of Christ).
Jesus said to go and make disciples. The thing about making disciples is that it involves so much more than just telling lost people about Jesus. Discipleship is about having a real relationship with another person, pouring into them, giving them advice, being their shoulder and support during tough times, and showing Christ-like compassion. The Body of Christ is just that - a body. A body works together to accomplish one goal, but when an ankle gets sprained your body doesn't (or shouldn't) ignore any pain and just keep going. If you get a head wound, you don't just let yourself bleed out to do whatever you're doing. Your feet take you to medical care and your hand holds your head tight to stop the blood. Members of the Body get hurt from time to time. We're in a spiritual battle after all! When another Christian is hurting or struggling, we are not supposed to just ignore it and move on. Christ didn't come to ignore the hurting and struggling people of this world. He came to give hope to all people. Do we do that? Are we offering hope or support to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Or are we spending more time in our own selfish conceit focused on OUR ministry and OUR righteousness, instead of GOD's ministry and GOD's righteousness. Have you taken to time to truly ask God on a daily basis what His ministry is?
Are you and I really aware of our pride? Do we practice humility? Are we partial to people when we shouldn't be? Holding grudges and lacking compassion and making fun of other people is just not right. It is not loving or pure or Holy. Comparing ourselves to our brothers and sisters in Christ and finding confidence in where you think you are, versus where you judge another to be isn't righteous-- it's prideful. We have to become less to make Christ more.
"So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you." John 13:14-15
Who do you need to love right now? Who have you been unfair to? Who have you judged? Who needs mercy and compassion? What are you doing to heal the Body of Christ when it is attacked? What are you doing to encourage all of your brothers and sisters in Christ? How can you become less so that Christ can become more?
"love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10
If there is one thing I've learned in my 8 years of being a Christian it's that grace is one of the most important, vital things in my life. I have been shown SO much grace, and I am commanded, convicted, and redesigned to be a creature of grace. I don't mean 'grace' like a ballerina would have. I doubt I'll ever walk gracefully around everywhere, given my tendency for klutziness, lol. I mean the kind of grace that dwells in a person's heart. The kind of grace that forgives your parents when they misjudge you, or the kind of grace you show a best friend when they've really messed up and hurt you. It's the grace that helps you understand that no matter how 'Christian' someone is, they're still human and prone to make mistakes. You know, life is really just a long list of mistakes and what makes a difference is how you respond. No one is immune from messing up and being in need of grace. No one can find true joy without it. Christ didn't die for us so that we could become conceited in Him. He died so that we could be free to love.
Think about it: forgiveness isn't always easy, but how do I want God to treat me when I stand before Him? Do I want God's partiality? Or do I want God to say, "You know, Sarah Katherine-- you did some good stuff, but recently you've really been ticking me off because you've ignored me the past few days. I'm also just not a huge fan of your personality because you're a difficult person. Because of that, I'm through with you. See ya."
Absolutely not. I know that God understand grace too well to even think about doing that. Regardless of my most recent sin before I die, I know that God's forgiveness won't run out because He'll be looking at my love and respect for Christ instead of my fleshly faults. So, don't you think I should treat others accordingly? Christ has never and will never give up on me. How dare I give up on anyone else? That isn't Christ-like. Christ forgave the people that were killing Him WHILE they were killing Him. He didn't wait until after His ascension to think about it and calm down, He had a Spirit of forgiveness in the midst of trouble. That is Biblical. When someone is different or difficult or rude or immature, love them like a warrior loves victory. Love them more than you love yourself.
"We who are strong ought to put up with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building up the neighbor. For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, 'The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me'." Romans 15:1-3
The Body of Christ is supposed to be an example of Christ's love for us. I think that a lot of times we're either so terrified of rejection or persecution that we just think of how things should be different without action, OR we're so busy trying to convert people to Christianity that we don't take enough time to care for our family (the Body of Christ).
Jesus said to go and make disciples. The thing about making disciples is that it involves so much more than just telling lost people about Jesus. Discipleship is about having a real relationship with another person, pouring into them, giving them advice, being their shoulder and support during tough times, and showing Christ-like compassion. The Body of Christ is just that - a body. A body works together to accomplish one goal, but when an ankle gets sprained your body doesn't (or shouldn't) ignore any pain and just keep going. If you get a head wound, you don't just let yourself bleed out to do whatever you're doing. Your feet take you to medical care and your hand holds your head tight to stop the blood. Members of the Body get hurt from time to time. We're in a spiritual battle after all! When another Christian is hurting or struggling, we are not supposed to just ignore it and move on. Christ didn't come to ignore the hurting and struggling people of this world. He came to give hope to all people. Do we do that? Are we offering hope or support to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Or are we spending more time in our own selfish conceit focused on OUR ministry and OUR righteousness, instead of GOD's ministry and GOD's righteousness. Have you taken to time to truly ask God on a daily basis what His ministry is?
Are you and I really aware of our pride? Do we practice humility? Are we partial to people when we shouldn't be? Holding grudges and lacking compassion and making fun of other people is just not right. It is not loving or pure or Holy. Comparing ourselves to our brothers and sisters in Christ and finding confidence in where you think you are, versus where you judge another to be isn't righteous-- it's prideful. We have to become less to make Christ more.
"So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you." John 13:14-15
Who do you need to love right now? Who have you been unfair to? Who have you judged? Who needs mercy and compassion? What are you doing to heal the Body of Christ when it is attacked? What are you doing to encourage all of your brothers and sisters in Christ? How can you become less so that Christ can become more?
"love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10
Monday, April 30, 2012
Firsts
If you know me well, you probably will not believe the list of "firsts" you are about to read. Yes, I lived in the 'bush' of Africa, yes I know I AM still alive even though there was no Diet Coke, Coke Light, or Coke Zero, yes I would be perfectly content if that was my one & only experience in rural Africa, and no… I wouldn't trade a single day for any amount of money or time in the world. :)
1. I took prescription motion sickness medicine because I was afraid of getting carsick. I later found out from a CVS pharmacist that my 'motion sickness' medicine was actually the main ingredient in tranquilizers. I was a little tired.
2. I ate a fried fish. Like, it was a full fish fried in grease and I had to scrape the meat off the bone. No, I didn't throw up or gag. It was surprisingly okay.
3. I drank Fanta Passion (& it was the bomb.com!)
4. I slept in a Tanzanian "Guest House." Don't let the name fool you - it was a room with a bed with a sheet and two fake pillows and a mosquito net and small night stand. The first one had electricity and some plumbing (you had to dump a bucket of water down the toilet because it wouldn't flush, but I did have a few streams of water come out of a shower head). The third night had no electricity, which leads to another first:
5. I lit my first kerosene lamp.
6. I ate a mandazi for breakfast.
7. I used a squatty potty (luckily this was put off until day 2… and then I pretty much didn't see a real toilet for the next 10ish days).
8. I ate Tanzanian "Margherita Pizza"…. which was actually a TON of spinach and a few other vegetables (I think tomato dices?) and a barely perceptible sprinkle of mozzarella cheese on pita bread.
9. I ate chapati for breakfast.
10. I ate roasted maize for lunch (sooooooo good!)
11. I received a gift from a villager near Lake Rukwa (it was maize).
12. I ate chips mayai for dinner (that's french fries cooked with eggs. It's really popular here).
13. I tried ugali at lunch (it's basically a thicker version of pop - for those of you that are in Africa and know what pop is. For those of you that don't know what pop is, or ugali… ugali is basically ground up maize. It looks like play dough. Pop looks like mashed potatoes).
14. Experienced culture shock for the first time in my life. That was not so fun.
15. I stayed at a beachfront resort (for $31 a night!) with a gigantic bedroom and bed and beautiful view and cool breeze.
16. I rode an African cargo boat for 13 hours (which was a TON of fun and I found out later that week that it was totally illegal, so…)
17. I broke a law in Tanzania.
18. My passport, headlamp, sunscreen, and iPod fell out of the boat while we were going. Luckily a cute Tanzanian guy rescued it for me, so then…
19. I gave my hero a big tip the "Tanzanian" way by hiding it in the palm of my hand while shaking his hand and saying, "Asante sana," which basically means, "Thank you very much." I got applause from all of the Africans on the boat. It was pretty funny, lol. Sidestory: when it went overboard everyone around me was asking, "Was something important in there?!" What actually came out of my mouth was, "MY PASSPORT!!" but what I was crying out in my heart was, "MY IPOD!!! MY IPOD! MY IPOD! MY IPOD!" Apparently I don't care if I can get back to Joburg or America, so long as I have my music.
20. I ate boiled cassava (it's a root that's similar to a potato and very good. I also ate fried cassava a few days later. It's so similar that I'm counting all of this as one).
21. I tried Miranda N….something. It was soda that was pretty much just like fanta, but it was blackcurrant flavored, I believe.
22. I participated in basically a prayer vigil because it seemed like we were going to get turned away by a priest in the area because they were suspicious of what we were doing there. PTL that everything ended up being okay and we got to stay and visit more of the Kisi people!
23. I bathed in a body of water because I'm not a fan of bucket baths, and our water for bucket baths came straight from Lake Malawi. That was just about the coolest first I did. Bathing in the lake was AWESOME! The water was the perfect temp, crystal clear, and so refreshing :)
24. I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking through the mountains of Tanzania. I've hiked before and I've hiked through mountains before. Never in my life have I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking. I'm pretty sure that's what death feels like and I'm pretty sure all of those Africans think I'm total weak-sauce. Africans can WALK, man. They're crazy! They never get tired!
25. I fished a drowning ant out of my chai and still drank it.
26. I picked dead ants off my chapati and still ate it.
27. I ate raw peanuts.
28. I ate boiled peanuts.
29. I heard a dog killing another dog (at about 1 am in the morning).
30. I heard the call to prayer (at 5 am the same morning).
31. I rode a legit African bus (meaning there were about 60 seats that were full, then about 60 more people standing, and I'm probably underestimating. There were also about 12 chickens and a goat on the bus as well. Fortunately the standing people only pulled your hair and used your head as an armrest if you were white. If you were black, they were straight-up sitting in your lap).
32. I bought something from a street salesman from out of the bus window.
33. I drank Pinenut flavored Sparberry (a soda). It was pineapple + coconut and it was soooo delicious.
34. I ate ranch flavored Pringles.
35. I flew in a 14 person airplane (12 passenger seats and the 2 pilot seats).
36. The runway for the plane was a field of grass.
37. This trip included the first time I ever used a mosquito net.
38. I didn't wear any makeup at all for 14 consecutive days (since I started wearing makeup in 6th grade).
39. I ate an apparently normal Tanzanian mixture = rice + bananas + chicken + red sauce
40. I wore skirts for 15 consecutive days.
41. I hiked in a skirt.
42. I had no outside communication (phone, internet, etc) for 15 consecutive days.
43. I was blessed by another person (as in, someone laid their hands on my head to show me they were blessing me, and it happened to be a 4-ish year old!)
44. I had to take anti-malaria medication.
45. I had to make sure that I only drank water from bottled water (and had to remember to close my mouth while showering… who knew that that would be so difficult?)
I believe 45 firsts is the final number, so I'd say that 16 day adventure was well worth it :) Now I get to visit with friends for a bit and then I'm headed back to Johannesburg for my last 3 weeks in Africa!
God is good all the time!
1. I took prescription motion sickness medicine because I was afraid of getting carsick. I later found out from a CVS pharmacist that my 'motion sickness' medicine was actually the main ingredient in tranquilizers. I was a little tired.
2. I ate a fried fish. Like, it was a full fish fried in grease and I had to scrape the meat off the bone. No, I didn't throw up or gag. It was surprisingly okay.
3. I drank Fanta Passion (& it was the bomb.com!)
4. I slept in a Tanzanian "Guest House." Don't let the name fool you - it was a room with a bed with a sheet and two fake pillows and a mosquito net and small night stand. The first one had electricity and some plumbing (you had to dump a bucket of water down the toilet because it wouldn't flush, but I did have a few streams of water come out of a shower head). The third night had no electricity, which leads to another first:
5. I lit my first kerosene lamp.
6. I ate a mandazi for breakfast.
7. I used a squatty potty (luckily this was put off until day 2… and then I pretty much didn't see a real toilet for the next 10ish days).
8. I ate Tanzanian "Margherita Pizza"…. which was actually a TON of spinach and a few other vegetables (I think tomato dices?) and a barely perceptible sprinkle of mozzarella cheese on pita bread.
9. I ate chapati for breakfast.
10. I ate roasted maize for lunch (sooooooo good!)
11. I received a gift from a villager near Lake Rukwa (it was maize).
12. I ate chips mayai for dinner (that's french fries cooked with eggs. It's really popular here).
13. I tried ugali at lunch (it's basically a thicker version of pop - for those of you that are in Africa and know what pop is. For those of you that don't know what pop is, or ugali… ugali is basically ground up maize. It looks like play dough. Pop looks like mashed potatoes).
14. Experienced culture shock for the first time in my life. That was not so fun.
15. I stayed at a beachfront resort (for $31 a night!) with a gigantic bedroom and bed and beautiful view and cool breeze.
16. I rode an African cargo boat for 13 hours (which was a TON of fun and I found out later that week that it was totally illegal, so…)
17. I broke a law in Tanzania.
18. My passport, headlamp, sunscreen, and iPod fell out of the boat while we were going. Luckily a cute Tanzanian guy rescued it for me, so then…
19. I gave my hero a big tip the "Tanzanian" way by hiding it in the palm of my hand while shaking his hand and saying, "Asante sana," which basically means, "Thank you very much." I got applause from all of the Africans on the boat. It was pretty funny, lol. Sidestory: when it went overboard everyone around me was asking, "Was something important in there?!" What actually came out of my mouth was, "MY PASSPORT!!" but what I was crying out in my heart was, "MY IPOD!!! MY IPOD! MY IPOD! MY IPOD!" Apparently I don't care if I can get back to Joburg or America, so long as I have my music.
20. I ate boiled cassava (it's a root that's similar to a potato and very good. I also ate fried cassava a few days later. It's so similar that I'm counting all of this as one).
21. I tried Miranda N….something. It was soda that was pretty much just like fanta, but it was blackcurrant flavored, I believe.
22. I participated in basically a prayer vigil because it seemed like we were going to get turned away by a priest in the area because they were suspicious of what we were doing there. PTL that everything ended up being okay and we got to stay and visit more of the Kisi people!
23. I bathed in a body of water because I'm not a fan of bucket baths, and our water for bucket baths came straight from Lake Malawi. That was just about the coolest first I did. Bathing in the lake was AWESOME! The water was the perfect temp, crystal clear, and so refreshing :)
24. I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking through the mountains of Tanzania. I've hiked before and I've hiked through mountains before. Never in my life have I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking. I'm pretty sure that's what death feels like and I'm pretty sure all of those Africans think I'm total weak-sauce. Africans can WALK, man. They're crazy! They never get tired!
25. I fished a drowning ant out of my chai and still drank it.
26. I picked dead ants off my chapati and still ate it.
27. I ate raw peanuts.
28. I ate boiled peanuts.
29. I heard a dog killing another dog (at about 1 am in the morning).
30. I heard the call to prayer (at 5 am the same morning).
31. I rode a legit African bus (meaning there were about 60 seats that were full, then about 60 more people standing, and I'm probably underestimating. There were also about 12 chickens and a goat on the bus as well. Fortunately the standing people only pulled your hair and used your head as an armrest if you were white. If you were black, they were straight-up sitting in your lap).
32. I bought something from a street salesman from out of the bus window.
33. I drank Pinenut flavored Sparberry (a soda). It was pineapple + coconut and it was soooo delicious.
34. I ate ranch flavored Pringles.
35. I flew in a 14 person airplane (12 passenger seats and the 2 pilot seats).
36. The runway for the plane was a field of grass.
37. This trip included the first time I ever used a mosquito net.
38. I didn't wear any makeup at all for 14 consecutive days (since I started wearing makeup in 6th grade).
39. I ate an apparently normal Tanzanian mixture = rice + bananas + chicken + red sauce
40. I wore skirts for 15 consecutive days.
41. I hiked in a skirt.
42. I had no outside communication (phone, internet, etc) for 15 consecutive days.
43. I was blessed by another person (as in, someone laid their hands on my head to show me they were blessing me, and it happened to be a 4-ish year old!)
44. I had to take anti-malaria medication.
45. I had to make sure that I only drank water from bottled water (and had to remember to close my mouth while showering… who knew that that would be so difficult?)
I believe 45 firsts is the final number, so I'd say that 16 day adventure was well worth it :) Now I get to visit with friends for a bit and then I'm headed back to Johannesburg for my last 3 weeks in Africa!
God is good all the time!
Friday, March 30, 2012
You Revive Me
by Christy Nockels
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands
I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands
I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
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