There's this great struggle going on in our country. Something that affects a lot of Christians, so far as I can tell. It's the struggle of what you can accomplish vs. what God can accomplish. I've often heard that I need to do everything for the glory of God, but that includes excelling in school and doing what is "right." The part where I got lost was that there was no real solid instruction on how I should go about doing what's "right." I'm a very visual learner. If you want me to learn something, then showing me how to do it is the best way. I hear stuff, but I don't always interpret. For years and years I was told to read my Bible and pray. From what I interpreted, it was because that's what God wanted. That's how we communicated with Him. Prayer made more sense then reading my Bible at the time. I just thought reading the Bible was more of a chore we were assigned.
Growing up, it sure seemed like schoolwork was more important than reading my Bible. I mean... yeah I was told to read my Bible daily, but the time allotted for devotional was usually about 10 minutes every morning. The famous "quiet time" that everyone was supposed to have morning or night. But the reality of this schedule was that I would spend about 10 minutes with God in the morning and 3 minutes with Him at night praying. The rest of my day was all about being prompt to meetings, spending 8 hours a day in school, getting all my homework done after school, and playing or doing extracurriculars after all of that. Where was the time for God? Where was the application of His Word? From what I can remember, no one ever broke it down and explained it to me to make sure I understood the importance of applying His Word to my life.
I had this general understanding that God was supposed to be our number 1 priority. We were supposed to love Him first. Easy enough to understand, but there was still this idea that Bible reading was a chore. I didn't understand that I could actually really relate to what it says. Bible verses seemed like little bits and pieces of a book that you constructed sermons from. I didn't understand that the New Testament was a book of instruction. That in many ways it made coherent sense that I could learn from. Reading it is the best way to learn, but I didn't understand why I should read it. Now after several weeks of reading I'm learning so much that I feel so dumb for not having done this before.
I now understand that it's not about my goals and my dreams. Yes, I've gone to school for forever and spent over 1/2 my life working on school work... but that's not what's most important. I've realized that I've been taught to have misplaced priorities. I always heard about the importance of great grades and this idea of success. Success? Hah. Success is in the eye of the beholder. I was taught that making enough money to be comfortable was of immense importance... that is was good to do things for the purpose of doing the right thing, regardless of where my heart was.
My idea of success has drastically changed since coming to college. I may not make millions of dollars, I may not feel like anyone ever listens to me, I may not have my dreams come true and get to have a husband and kids, I may end up homeless, I may end up single, I may end up with a job that isn't what I've been working for in my education, I may end up in trouble, I may end up in another country or in jail or facing death at any point in time. But it's not about what I can do. It's never been about what I can do or what I can accomplish. It is ALL about what God can do through me. My education is not what's most important in my life. It'd be awesome to make a difference through film, but if I can't, I can't. It's not about my will or my dreams. It's all about God's will. What I need to concern myself with is being disciplined. I need to read His Word daily to learn what to seek after. I need to pray daily to keep God constantly active in my life so that I am aware just how omnipresent He is. I need to stay in a small group of close friends so that we can encourage one another and hold each other accountable for our actions. I need to focus my life on doing 2 things - Loving God and Loving others. That is what matters in life. That is where success lies.
Money is paper with some numbers on it. Yeah, it'll get you stuff but I find myself much more satisfied after helping someone else, or giving up something I don't need for someone that does. As far as other things go... feel good things - premarital sex, drunkeness, social power, power through anger and cunning, conceit, popularity... Bah. The only thing any of those things have ever and will ever bring is pain. Some of them I know only too well the amount of pain they can bring. They all bring temporary satisfaction. Nothing that lasts. The more I became consumed with anger and the more cunning I became, the more dissatisfaction I experienced. I had power and control and it felt good when I was cutting others down having an ego about how conniving I was. But at the end of the day I was utterly lonely. Nothing lasted.
I feel wiser and wiser every day. The more I read, the more I learn how to live. It's liberating and it's great! It's not always easy, but I am happy know I have a God I can always depend on. I know that although some people will probably hate me for my beliefs, I have a future full of singing and praise, loving others with genuine, non-selfish love, and an overall appreciation for all the opportunities and beauty that surrounds me. I don't have to be consumed with what others do because all I have to do is forgive them. Grudges are such burdens, as is anger and frustration. I get to pursue a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. What more could I ever ask for? :) My life is a good life.
"he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone." Titus 3: 5-8
There is no substitute for reading and studying the Word of God. If you are a follower of Christ, it is essential for your growth and your life that you read what is "God-breathed" as instruction (2 Timothy 3:16).
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