Woman and man. Man and woman. They sound like they should go together, right? I mean, if you subtract two letters, "woman" becomes "man." I don't think that's just coincidence.
Why does a relationship between a man and woman seem like such a ridiculous thing to come by? Why are divorce rates so high to where divorce is more common than a lasting marriage? I was one of those girls that grew up believing in two things when it came to guys: God and Walt Disney.
When I say that, I mean that the church fostered this ideal of a true 'man of God.' He was a man that always looked to God for answers, a man that knew how to lead and did so with little to no hesitation. He was a man with all the right answers that was the perfect husband and father. Walt Disney taught me that this man is also a knight in shining armor- He's going to come rescue me from whatever avails me. He'll fight to the death for me, he'll be captivated by my ravishing beauty, and his life is all about capturing his incredible bride to be.
Now, I think both of these images have a hint to truth in them, but society blows both of these ideals out of proportion. There are some fundamental things not typically included in these descriptions. From the Christian side of things: whoa. Be careful there... that's a huge expectation to fill. From my understanding as a child, the men that couldn't provide for their families and the men that weren't actively involved in a local church were 'not godly.' Men that divorced their wives, men that didn't work normal 8-5 jobs in some company or church that granted them enough money to live in a decent home weren't exactly living life as God intended it. What the crap? How and why did I come to believe that as a little girl? Obviously the American Dream was a little too big of a part of the lesson I was being taught. What about redemption, forgiveness, honesty, humility? Men without the top notch job are still perfectly capable of fighting for their families, and being good, decent men. Men that aren't a huge part of a local church may be hurting because of the local church. After studying gender roles, it's easy to see that men really are afraid of failure. If a man has a tough time 'measuring up' to certain standards we shouldn't cripple him more by treating him like less of a human. I'm a nerd, so excuse this reference, but I think of Frodo and Sam on the side of Mt Doom. Frodo has succumbed before to the darkness and power of the Ring and even tried to send Sam home, but instead of saying that Mr. Frodo is too evil now for Sam to care about or not worth Sam's effort because how Frodo treats him, Sam picks him up and carries him through one of the darkest moments of Frodo's life. Another often overlooked scene happens in The Two Towers when Faramir tries to take Frodo to Denethor. Frodo and Sam are left hidden in Osgiliath as Nazgul approach. The Nazgul call to the Ring and Frodo finds his way to them. The Ring is just almost within reach of the enemy when Sam smashes into Frodo and throws him out of the way of the dark terror. Frodo responds by drawing his sword on Sam, close to killing him. Frodo almost kills Sam, murders his best friend. Shortly after this Frodo says he, "wouldn't have got far without Sam." Men need men because life isn't fair and men are allowed to struggle. I don't know what most kids are taught in their churches, but I remember thinking it was always about being the best. Since becoming a Christian, I realize how terribly wrong that is. Being a Christian is about being the least.
Now about Walt Disney... I think that Walt Disney makes a huge mistake by downplaying the role of the man. The guy has evolved some over time, but he always seems to be less intelligent than his woman counterpart and focused solely on saving her. Now, do you really think that every girl's goal in life is to save a guy? Sure, I think most girls want to care for a guy, but don't they want other things in life too? They want a guy that delights in them, but do they want a guy that is involved in every intricate aspect of their life? Usually the princesses of Disney's making only have animals for friends-- friends that they typically leave behind for their 'prince charming.' I am not okay with this idea. I know that no man is perfect, and how am I supposed to depend on happiness and worth from this 'prince charming' if his only goal is to rescue me and save me? It's an impossible task and he'll never be able to save me - no matter how hard he tries. Getting a guy to literally save a woman's life eternally is like a man always looking for validation as a man through a woman. It can't happen. Walt Disney is making romance impossible because the ultimate romancer is God. My God is a God that can validate a man and show him his true strength. My God is a God that can comfort a girl and help her truly recognize her beauty. God is the one who is the epitome of strength and beauty, so why would we turn to anyone else? You've seen the strength of natural disasters and you've seen the beauty of wild, vast landscapes. To me, that's a great, tangible example of God!
The more I learn, the more I see that real men are the men that depend on God for strength. They are men that are willing to be humble, that aren't afraid to combine their talents and passions to pursue whatever field of work to bring glory to God. Successful men are the men that are willing to point out their failures, because if you can't open up about your failures, how can anyone older or wiser try to help you? A lot of people struggle with thinking life has to ultimately be lived alone, but that is so wrong! We were all created for companionship. We were created first for companionship with God, and second for companionship with one another- man to woman. Woman to man. But if we, as men and women, only try to depend on ourselves or on the opposite gender, we will never be satisfied. God made life that way for a reason. We were created by Him and are meant to depend on Him. Doing so is not a curse, it is a blessing. When we depend on Him we are free to be exactly who He created us to be. We no longer have to worry about what society thinks of us, because we are capable of experiencing a truer joy.
The verses that led me to this post are these: "... I will strip her naked and expose her as in the day she was born, and make her like a wilderness, and turn her into a parched land, and kill her with thirst." Hosea 2:3
...and
"Therefore, I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. From there I will give her her vineyards, and make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope. There she shall respond as in the days of her youth..." Hosea 2:14-15
God has given every woman a thirst for love and companionship and a thirst for a protector- a knight in shining armor. But no man can live up to the unrealistic expectations Disney, and most of our culture, hold him up to. He has to be free to discover his heart and personality in God. That doesn't mean we, as women, are left to suffer. God made us to depend on Him. He's going to make things uncomfortable and miserable when we turn away from Him. Not because He doesn't love us, but because the one thing He requires of us is faith. We have to trust that He's going to hold true to His promises of love and salvation. We have to trust that there is a life beyond this one. But if we really, truly accept God's gift of grace He then commands us to love Him in return. This doesn't mean we pray to Him once in awhile when we really want something. It doesn't mean we only speak to Him for our own benefit. It means that we pray and speak to Him for his benefit and glory. We love others for his benefit and glory. We're not blessed so that we can gather up our blessings and think we're favored and glorified by God. We're blessed so that we can make the choice to share our blessings with others. Blessings are a test, just like trials. We can choose to be selfish with what we have or choose to make little of ourselves.
The bottom line is this: No one, no man, woman, mother, father, child, or friend, can love you like God can. Don't pretend it isn't true and stop expecting others to fill the place of God. He has to be the center, the midpoint of your life. In the quest for true love, you've got to remember this:
God is love.
No comments:
Post a Comment