by Christy Nockels
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands
I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
"Write down for the coming generation what the Lord has done, so that people not yet born will praise Him." Psalm 102:18 This is the motivation behind my blog. I'm learning so much and desire to give others the chance to see what I'm learning so that they might learn too. This is my opportunity to love others by sharing the knowledge God has blessed me with. But all glory goes to Him!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
March Update
Hey everyone!
I hope this posts finds you all doing well. I wanted to write a quick update about South Africa!! The second month has FLOWN by! I can't believe I only have a little over 2 months before I'm on a plane headed home! I'm still definitely enjoying my time here. Life hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but I've learned so much. My only expectation for living in Africa was that I would grow, and it is an expectation that has definitely been met. I've learned a lot more about myself, more about my sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and more about other people and how we relate. Being here has put my life into a different perspective. I definitely spend more time praying nowadays. I pray for my friends so much more than I ever have before. I just pray more in general. As I pray for others and continue to live here, I have one prayer request that I would love for you to pray for me. Please pray for me that when I open my mouth God will give me the words to proclaim fearlessly the mystery of the Gospel. I would be so grateful for that prayer.
Logistically, it's mid-term time. Instead of an exam, I had a survey to fill out about my time here. One semester is such a short time! It's a very rewarding time though :) I honestly have no clue where God desires me to be next, so I'm praying about it and trying to figure out how my passions for knowledge and creativity and encouraging others all fit together. I have a tendency to get distracted by my future because I feel pressure to always know what's coming next. The truth is, I could die tomorrow and I have no clue what's coming next, so instead of praying for my future I would like you to pray for my present. I'm realizing more and more, day by day, that I'm supposed to proclaim the mystery of Christ's beautiful Gospel fearlessly with every word and action.
The next two months are going to be a whirlwind of African adventures!! The first week of March I get to attend a business conference. I'll have plenty of time to learn and fellowship with people my age, younger, and older. After that I get to spend a few days of vacation with two friends exploring Cape Town! I'll get to go shark cage diving as well, and my inner marine-biologist is FREAKING OUT about how exciting that's going to be!! Soon after returning from Cape Town I'll leave for a business trip to Tanzania! I'll be hiking, taking a 2 hour boat ride, visiting different villages, and hanging out with university students in the city. Needless to say, the next two months will certainly be a grand adventure. I'm very excited to get out of the office! As these adventures begin, I have other prayer requests after you've prayed about the Gospel being proclaimed fearlessly every time I open my mouth (I'm hoping repetition will help you understand just how important this request is to me!).
2. Pray that things will continue to go well with work as I travel and that our team will be able to help all of the clients we're trying to assist.
3. Pray that my friends in the States that have continually been on my heart since arriving here will see the supremacy and grace of Christ in a way they haven't seen it before.
4. Pray that God will keep our Tanzania team protected from malaria and another other illnesses, and that he'll protect us from broken bones or any other set back as we do a good bit of hiking.
I leave you with a song recommendation (it's a song I keep singing here!). YouTube "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman. The chorus is so awesome. It goes, "I lay me down, I'm not my own. I belong to you alone. Lay me down, lay me down. Hand on my heart, this much is true: there's no life apart from You. Lay me down, lay me down."
Thank you for your prayers! Love you all!
I hope this posts finds you all doing well. I wanted to write a quick update about South Africa!! The second month has FLOWN by! I can't believe I only have a little over 2 months before I'm on a plane headed home! I'm still definitely enjoying my time here. Life hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but I've learned so much. My only expectation for living in Africa was that I would grow, and it is an expectation that has definitely been met. I've learned a lot more about myself, more about my sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and more about other people and how we relate. Being here has put my life into a different perspective. I definitely spend more time praying nowadays. I pray for my friends so much more than I ever have before. I just pray more in general. As I pray for others and continue to live here, I have one prayer request that I would love for you to pray for me. Please pray for me that when I open my mouth God will give me the words to proclaim fearlessly the mystery of the Gospel. I would be so grateful for that prayer.
Logistically, it's mid-term time. Instead of an exam, I had a survey to fill out about my time here. One semester is such a short time! It's a very rewarding time though :) I honestly have no clue where God desires me to be next, so I'm praying about it and trying to figure out how my passions for knowledge and creativity and encouraging others all fit together. I have a tendency to get distracted by my future because I feel pressure to always know what's coming next. The truth is, I could die tomorrow and I have no clue what's coming next, so instead of praying for my future I would like you to pray for my present. I'm realizing more and more, day by day, that I'm supposed to proclaim the mystery of Christ's beautiful Gospel fearlessly with every word and action.
The next two months are going to be a whirlwind of African adventures!! The first week of March I get to attend a business conference. I'll have plenty of time to learn and fellowship with people my age, younger, and older. After that I get to spend a few days of vacation with two friends exploring Cape Town! I'll get to go shark cage diving as well, and my inner marine-biologist is FREAKING OUT about how exciting that's going to be!! Soon after returning from Cape Town I'll leave for a business trip to Tanzania! I'll be hiking, taking a 2 hour boat ride, visiting different villages, and hanging out with university students in the city. Needless to say, the next two months will certainly be a grand adventure. I'm very excited to get out of the office! As these adventures begin, I have other prayer requests after you've prayed about the Gospel being proclaimed fearlessly every time I open my mouth (I'm hoping repetition will help you understand just how important this request is to me!).
2. Pray that things will continue to go well with work as I travel and that our team will be able to help all of the clients we're trying to assist.
3. Pray that my friends in the States that have continually been on my heart since arriving here will see the supremacy and grace of Christ in a way they haven't seen it before.
4. Pray that God will keep our Tanzania team protected from malaria and another other illnesses, and that he'll protect us from broken bones or any other set back as we do a good bit of hiking.
I leave you with a song recommendation (it's a song I keep singing here!). YouTube "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman. The chorus is so awesome. It goes, "I lay me down, I'm not my own. I belong to you alone. Lay me down, lay me down. Hand on my heart, this much is true: there's no life apart from You. Lay me down, lay me down."
Thank you for your prayers! Love you all!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Forever a Student
Going Deeper.
We are a world that is so plugged in - plugged into the news, the internet, our iPods and iPhones and Droids and TVs and tablets. We have all these resources and all this entertainment and all of these distractions. We can spread information like wildfire via Facebook, as proved through 'LOL cat' photos and the recent Kony 2012 video. One thing that has really been on my heart recently is the 'heart' of activism in this rising culture. Creative outlets like film, graphic design, music composition, etc seems to be this huge thing that keeps growing. Is it bad? I can't judge that. Can it be useful? Certainly. Can the videos and songs and paintings and posters end modern day slavery or put a violent leader in jail? Not by themselves.
I'm realizing that there's something much deeper behind all of these movements for a better world. There's something that doesn't get as much as attention as it should. Yes, bringing down a violent man is a good thing because we're freeing people from oppression. Yes, assisting authorities in catching slave owners is a good thing, but what is our goal? Is our goal to make the world a better place? Is it to do something good? Is it to be the hero? If those are our goals, then we're missing the point.
We already have a hero, his name is Jesus Christ. No one can replace him. Can we make the world a better place? Well… we can certainly help relieve other's pain, but no matter how hard we try and no matter what we do, this world is Satan's kingdom. He was given the world as his stomping ground and we are to live for a kingdom far greater than his. We can't forget in all this world-saving business that the world - humanity - can ONLY be saved through the blood of Christ and a person can only be saved through the washing away of their sins by his blood. "Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him," (John 3:17).
As I sit here thinking about what is truly important in my life, the one thing I keep coming back to is God. Worshiping God, telling people about God, realizing that there is not a single significant thing I can do in and of myself that is greater or more glorious than what God can do through me if I'll humble myself and if He so chooses to use me. It's important that in a world where my generation has a shorter attention span because of our trigger-happy fingers that roam the web, that we take time to read. It seems to me as though my generation spends much less time than we should in the Word. Do you really spend the time you should studying it and understanding it? Is it a task or a pleasure? Is it a guide for your life or luxury reading? Does it help drive what you do and who you are in Christ or is it just an option? The more I spend time reading this precious Word, the more I see how far I fall from righteous. The more I read this beautiful Word, I see how amazing the kingdom of God is. In the darkest period of my life I spent time dreaming about a beautiful world where nature was beyond our concept of beautiful, where people had a keen, kind, and true sense of justice. A place where compassion, mercy, humility, and love were everywhere. People didn't judge. People didn't manipulate. People didn't seek their own glory, but they helped others that were struggling. I wanted to live in a world like that. I still want to live in a world like that, but I think a lot of those things will be mostly reserved for Heaven. Now I dream of a place where everything glorifies God for how truly good He is. I could easily get off track, so I'm going to steer back now to the point…
We don't read enough. We don't spend enough time in God's Word, because God's Word reveals his kingdom and tells us how to make an amazing world possible, and I have looked for that amazing world for quite some time. I see whispers of it. I meet a person now and then that is so obviously consumed with the love and spirit of Christ, or I see the beauty of that world in a sunset or night sky. As I grow and learn, I'm seeing more of that world in the Bible. I see commands to, "not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil," (1 Thess 5: 6, 9-11, 16-22).
If I could've been encouraged to do anything through high school and college, I wish I would've been seriously encouraged to read my Bible more. It was always an option. Well, technically it still is an option in that I have the free will to choose whether or not I'm going to read it. However, when it comes to my emotional, spiritual, or physical welfare, reading my Bible is NOT an option. When I'm feeling hopeless, no person can comfort me the way Psalm 139 does. When I'm feeling insignificant or confused about my life, few could give me advice or encouragement like reading through 1 & 2 Thessalonians does. When I'm frustrated with a friend or anyone in my life, no one can give me such excellent advice like Galatians can. A lot of times I get all sad and ridiculous because I'm such a sucker for the idea of a 'one, true love.' I think about this knight in shining armor that will love me regardless of my weight or body shape or weird likes or random ideas. Well guess what? That knight - his story is all throughout the New Testament. Rumors of Him are in the Old Testament, and stories of his compassion and his hope are all throughout the NT. A lot of times I feel imprisoned by so many things here on earth and my soul is crying out for freedom, but I find encouragement in the Book of Freedom - the Word of God.
So, if I could just take a moment to encourage you - read God's Word. If you're depressed right now and feel like you're drowning - read God's Word. If you're confused and don't know where to go next or what you're supposed to do with your life - read God's Word. If your parents or a parent or family member has scarred you somehow with some betrayal or neglect - read God's Word. If your best friend has chosen her current crush over her friendship with you - read God's Word. If a guy has used and abused you to satisfy his own pride - read God's Word. If you've spent your life trying to do everything good and it seems like nothing good ever happens to you - read God's Word. If you think you're completely alone in your suffering - read God's Word. If you don't feel like you fit in anywhere or with anyone - read God's Word. If you feel judged and hated and want love, if you're desperate for love - read God's Word.
His Word and His Spirit will teach you how to be free. It will teach you how to love. It will teach you how to forgive. It will teach you how to look at other people with no sense of judgment or conceit. It will teach you how to trust again. It will teach you how to let go and find freedom in not having control. It will teach you so many things if you will let it. Being taught requires surrender though. You have to surrender your pride and your stubbornness and your doubt and your fear and your insecurity and anything else you may be holding onto. You may already be a Christian and have the Spirit within you, but don't tune God out. A lot of people make the grave mistake of thinking Christianity is a one-time conversion process. No, no, no. I'm living proof that Christianity is a constant renewal and refinement of yourself. I'm continually converted into a being more aware and more awake as I spend more and more time seeking Christ. The more I spend time with God, the more he transforms my heart. God didn't come to save the world from something simple like being thrown in a stereotypical hell fire, complete with cartoon devils jumping around with pitchforks. God came to save us from ourselves and from our own sinful, selfish natures. He came to save us from living a life of phony love. He came to save us from a life that is less. Not because He wants to point at us and laugh and say, "Haha, you aren't good enough!" No, no, no. He came to save us because he really does love us that much and He wants to restore us to the glory He designed us for (read Genesis).
What are we doing, self-proclaimed Christians of the world? Are we trying to save the world from bad, or are we trying to expand the kingdom of God in this war zone Satan calls 'home?' Are we living to glorify God or are we living for personal gain? I probably repeat this message in different ways at different time, but it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will just allow you to get it. I pray that you can see with what clarity is see that God is SO good and SO faithful and that He is THE hero and THE knight in shining armor.
Please, don't take my word for it - take God's word for it. Read His Word, read the Bible. Study it. Seek to understand it. Humble yourself and allow yourself to be taught instead of pridefully thinking of yourself as a great scholar. The only times I really learn something is when I stop pretending that I know it all. There are some lessons that take me years to learn just because I have this big, stupid head about myself. College is my big testament of that statement. Thank God that at the end of college I finally was learning lessons from the first 3 years of mistakes. I'm still learning even now about just how many mistakes I made in college and I truly hope that my life will be full of learning more and more about how I can better love.
Right now I can better love every human I know by begging them to read God's Word. Regardless of who you are, please just give the first book ever printed a chance. If not for the sake of Christ, then how about for the sake of history? For the sake of Gutenberg, read the Bible. Believe that you can learn something from it. It's such a great story, even if you think it's fiction, it still has so much wisdom about sacrificial love and the best way to be human.
Please, please… read the Word with humility.
"They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 13b-16a
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11: 1-3
We are a world that is so plugged in - plugged into the news, the internet, our iPods and iPhones and Droids and TVs and tablets. We have all these resources and all this entertainment and all of these distractions. We can spread information like wildfire via Facebook, as proved through 'LOL cat' photos and the recent Kony 2012 video. One thing that has really been on my heart recently is the 'heart' of activism in this rising culture. Creative outlets like film, graphic design, music composition, etc seems to be this huge thing that keeps growing. Is it bad? I can't judge that. Can it be useful? Certainly. Can the videos and songs and paintings and posters end modern day slavery or put a violent leader in jail? Not by themselves.
I'm realizing that there's something much deeper behind all of these movements for a better world. There's something that doesn't get as much as attention as it should. Yes, bringing down a violent man is a good thing because we're freeing people from oppression. Yes, assisting authorities in catching slave owners is a good thing, but what is our goal? Is our goal to make the world a better place? Is it to do something good? Is it to be the hero? If those are our goals, then we're missing the point.
We already have a hero, his name is Jesus Christ. No one can replace him. Can we make the world a better place? Well… we can certainly help relieve other's pain, but no matter how hard we try and no matter what we do, this world is Satan's kingdom. He was given the world as his stomping ground and we are to live for a kingdom far greater than his. We can't forget in all this world-saving business that the world - humanity - can ONLY be saved through the blood of Christ and a person can only be saved through the washing away of their sins by his blood. "Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him," (John 3:17).
As I sit here thinking about what is truly important in my life, the one thing I keep coming back to is God. Worshiping God, telling people about God, realizing that there is not a single significant thing I can do in and of myself that is greater or more glorious than what God can do through me if I'll humble myself and if He so chooses to use me. It's important that in a world where my generation has a shorter attention span because of our trigger-happy fingers that roam the web, that we take time to read. It seems to me as though my generation spends much less time than we should in the Word. Do you really spend the time you should studying it and understanding it? Is it a task or a pleasure? Is it a guide for your life or luxury reading? Does it help drive what you do and who you are in Christ or is it just an option? The more I spend time reading this precious Word, the more I see how far I fall from righteous. The more I read this beautiful Word, I see how amazing the kingdom of God is. In the darkest period of my life I spent time dreaming about a beautiful world where nature was beyond our concept of beautiful, where people had a keen, kind, and true sense of justice. A place where compassion, mercy, humility, and love were everywhere. People didn't judge. People didn't manipulate. People didn't seek their own glory, but they helped others that were struggling. I wanted to live in a world like that. I still want to live in a world like that, but I think a lot of those things will be mostly reserved for Heaven. Now I dream of a place where everything glorifies God for how truly good He is. I could easily get off track, so I'm going to steer back now to the point…
We don't read enough. We don't spend enough time in God's Word, because God's Word reveals his kingdom and tells us how to make an amazing world possible, and I have looked for that amazing world for quite some time. I see whispers of it. I meet a person now and then that is so obviously consumed with the love and spirit of Christ, or I see the beauty of that world in a sunset or night sky. As I grow and learn, I'm seeing more of that world in the Bible. I see commands to, "not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil," (1 Thess 5: 6, 9-11, 16-22).
If I could've been encouraged to do anything through high school and college, I wish I would've been seriously encouraged to read my Bible more. It was always an option. Well, technically it still is an option in that I have the free will to choose whether or not I'm going to read it. However, when it comes to my emotional, spiritual, or physical welfare, reading my Bible is NOT an option. When I'm feeling hopeless, no person can comfort me the way Psalm 139 does. When I'm feeling insignificant or confused about my life, few could give me advice or encouragement like reading through 1 & 2 Thessalonians does. When I'm frustrated with a friend or anyone in my life, no one can give me such excellent advice like Galatians can. A lot of times I get all sad and ridiculous because I'm such a sucker for the idea of a 'one, true love.' I think about this knight in shining armor that will love me regardless of my weight or body shape or weird likes or random ideas. Well guess what? That knight - his story is all throughout the New Testament. Rumors of Him are in the Old Testament, and stories of his compassion and his hope are all throughout the NT. A lot of times I feel imprisoned by so many things here on earth and my soul is crying out for freedom, but I find encouragement in the Book of Freedom - the Word of God.
So, if I could just take a moment to encourage you - read God's Word. If you're depressed right now and feel like you're drowning - read God's Word. If you're confused and don't know where to go next or what you're supposed to do with your life - read God's Word. If your parents or a parent or family member has scarred you somehow with some betrayal or neglect - read God's Word. If your best friend has chosen her current crush over her friendship with you - read God's Word. If a guy has used and abused you to satisfy his own pride - read God's Word. If you've spent your life trying to do everything good and it seems like nothing good ever happens to you - read God's Word. If you think you're completely alone in your suffering - read God's Word. If you don't feel like you fit in anywhere or with anyone - read God's Word. If you feel judged and hated and want love, if you're desperate for love - read God's Word.
His Word and His Spirit will teach you how to be free. It will teach you how to love. It will teach you how to forgive. It will teach you how to look at other people with no sense of judgment or conceit. It will teach you how to trust again. It will teach you how to let go and find freedom in not having control. It will teach you so many things if you will let it. Being taught requires surrender though. You have to surrender your pride and your stubbornness and your doubt and your fear and your insecurity and anything else you may be holding onto. You may already be a Christian and have the Spirit within you, but don't tune God out. A lot of people make the grave mistake of thinking Christianity is a one-time conversion process. No, no, no. I'm living proof that Christianity is a constant renewal and refinement of yourself. I'm continually converted into a being more aware and more awake as I spend more and more time seeking Christ. The more I spend time with God, the more he transforms my heart. God didn't come to save the world from something simple like being thrown in a stereotypical hell fire, complete with cartoon devils jumping around with pitchforks. God came to save us from ourselves and from our own sinful, selfish natures. He came to save us from living a life of phony love. He came to save us from a life that is less. Not because He wants to point at us and laugh and say, "Haha, you aren't good enough!" No, no, no. He came to save us because he really does love us that much and He wants to restore us to the glory He designed us for (read Genesis).
What are we doing, self-proclaimed Christians of the world? Are we trying to save the world from bad, or are we trying to expand the kingdom of God in this war zone Satan calls 'home?' Are we living to glorify God or are we living for personal gain? I probably repeat this message in different ways at different time, but it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will just allow you to get it. I pray that you can see with what clarity is see that God is SO good and SO faithful and that He is THE hero and THE knight in shining armor.
Please, don't take my word for it - take God's word for it. Read His Word, read the Bible. Study it. Seek to understand it. Humble yourself and allow yourself to be taught instead of pridefully thinking of yourself as a great scholar. The only times I really learn something is when I stop pretending that I know it all. There are some lessons that take me years to learn just because I have this big, stupid head about myself. College is my big testament of that statement. Thank God that at the end of college I finally was learning lessons from the first 3 years of mistakes. I'm still learning even now about just how many mistakes I made in college and I truly hope that my life will be full of learning more and more about how I can better love.
Right now I can better love every human I know by begging them to read God's Word. Regardless of who you are, please just give the first book ever printed a chance. If not for the sake of Christ, then how about for the sake of history? For the sake of Gutenberg, read the Bible. Believe that you can learn something from it. It's such a great story, even if you think it's fiction, it still has so much wisdom about sacrificial love and the best way to be human.
Please, please… read the Word with humility.
"They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 13b-16a
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11: 1-3
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Flesh & Blood
I thought of a movie reference for this post, so I'm just going to go ahead and do what I do…
So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.
Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.
Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.
"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band
Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.
That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.
"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24
So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.
Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.
Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.
"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band
Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.
That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.
"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24
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