Flesh & Blood

I thought of a movie reference for this post, so I'm just going to go ahead and do what I do…

So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.

Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.

Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.

"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band

Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.

That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.

"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24