Abide in Me - Part I

This phrase has come across my mind time and time again since the end of March of this year. It was the theme of my cluster meeting (basically a retreat with some business meetings from time to time). It's one of those phrases that just floors me time and time again because it is so simple and should be so easy, but I have to constantly remind myself of it.

What does "abide in me" mean? Well, for me it means recognizing that no effort of my own - no attitude that I try to make myself have and no motive that I try to force on my actions - will make me any more righteous or good. It means realizing and admitting that, then just focusing on God. It means spending my time & effort on doing my part to develop my personal relationship with God. Abiding in Christ shouldn't just be a nice thought or idea - it should literally be your life if you are a follower of Christ. It's not an option, it's how you follow Christ. We aren't righteous in and of ourselves and we can't better ourselves. I know this goes way against the mainstream, but I really can't leave it to me to better myself. I can try to 'do the right thing' and go through the motions of doing something right; I can even talk myself into thinking that I'm doing something nice with a good attitude, but these aren't things that I can just do without the Spirit. The only times I have felt selflessness and true joy and true generosity and have known true goodness in my own life are times when I know that I can't take credit. They're times when I realize that the Spirit has brought understanding of some sort into my life and the Spirit has changed me. True change in my life has always come from seeking wisdom from God, or just in seeking Christ himself.

I have so much inner-dialogue taking place in my head all day long. Abiding in Him is when I'm actually thinking about life through the eyes of the Spirit because I've spent time in prayer and in His Word and meditating on Scripture. When I don't abide in Him, I'm typically struggling with keeping my thoughts pure and I have a harder time keeping my patience in check. I also tend to do 'nice' things with ulterior motives, and sometimes those motives are to make me feel better about myself instead of genuinely wanting to serve someone else -- how selfish can I be?!

"Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love."     John 15:4-9

There is a whole lot to talk about in these verses, but I think they are worth talking about and need to be talked about so much more. I can't properly explain what all they mean to me, but I'll try to just give some commentary on what I've learned from this passage over the past couple of months.

'Abide in me as I abide in you.'

Christ's Spirit abides in me. Wait. Think about that. The Holy Spirit of Christ, one of the trinity, God Himself lives continually inside of me. Do we really live like that? When you're thinking to yourself about the contours of a hott guy's body and what you'd like to do with it, do you recognize that you're forcing God to listen to your lust for a man that is not your husband? When you're cussing out or thinking negative and rude things about someone that's just ticked you off - be it coworker, sibling, or random stranger - do you realize that the Spirit of Christ, the same Christ that hung before God on a cross and took the punishment for every sin ever committed, has to listen to you put down Jane Doe over there because she ruffled some feathers in your otherwise pleasant day? How petty of us. Initially I thought that problems like these were left up to me to solve. I thought I had to find the will-power and discipline to not think badly of people that offended me or made me angry. I thought I had to find the strength on my own to keep my mind out of the gutter. It's the first part of this phrase that has radically changed my life, 'Abide in me as I abide in you.'

The solution isn't doing these great things simply by my own will. The solution is to abide in Christ. How does one abide in Christ? Well, we've got an entire book that reveals the righteousness of Christ, the Father & the Spirit. In some ways, the Bible is a handbook. It holds the information that reveals what Christ taught to people while He lived on earth, and it has continued instruction from those who studied directly under Him, and those who were filled with the Spirit. You can even look in Acts 2:42 where one of the first things new converts that had just received the Holy Spirit did was devote themselves to the apostle's teaching. I think the Bible is a great way to start abiding in Christ.

However, you need to understand that just reading the Bible won't get you very fall at all, if anywhere. You have to actively participate in studying the Bible. Abiding in Christ also requires prayer (1 Thess 5:17). Be thankful to God for what He has given you and ask Him for help as you learn to abide in Him (Phil 4:6). You already have the Holy Spirit abiding, or living, inside you. Do you realize how fortunate you are? You have God living inside you and all you have to do is ask for wisdom as you study His Word and He promises to give it (James 1:5). This should be easy. Set aside time each day, pray for wisdom, then receive wisdom as you read His Word and meditate upon it. Of course, you should also continually thank God for your many blessings as just one way of surrendering credit and authority to Him.

We don't have to write formal letters asking permission and we don't have to study for hours and look up cross references and develop term papers or speak with the wisest beings alive to gain wisdom. We simply must ask for it. Now, please realize that wisdom and knowledge are not the same thing. Knowledge can certainly enhance your life in many ways, but wisdom changes the directive of your life. Wisdom from God changes your directive to point more and more precisely toward Him. We humans, being the humans that we are, get easily distracted - especially in this American culture. We've got stuff like 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike, The Boondock Saints, and a plethora of media and entertainment to distract us from the whole, pure, restorative Truth of God. I'm not innocent of letting myself get distracted because I'm every bit as human as the next person. I've noticed that as I abide in Christ more and more, I get less and less distracted.

Me personally, I get distracted by guys. I was developing crushes on like every boy I met because I just wanted to be in love that bad. I was surrounding myself with things that encouraged this way of thinking. I loved Nicholas Sparks books and chick flicks and was consuming a steady diet of Twilight, Nora Ephron movies, and even music like "Love Story." It's not that Taylor Swift's song has a bad message. It's that girls are bombarded with the idea that life is all about falling in love. I fell for it. I fell for it bad. I constantly thought about whoever my current crush was, or I'd internally being obsessing over the relationship I was sucked into via book or movie. I tried to make myself think of Jesus as my lover and I tried to make myself enjoy being single, but the truth is that I hated it. Singleness couldn't be a gift, because I wanted a relationship with someone more than anything else. Relationships are what made life worth living for and being in love with someone was what everyone else knew was the best thing ever. I didn't spend the time that I should of with the God that loves me so much more than any guy could. Sure, a guy could sacrifice his life for me and that would be a huge example of a great love. Yet, a guy, whether he's my husband or not, could never truly see my heart with all of my sin covering it. My husband couldn't forgive every wrong I've ever committed because he has no way to see all of my sin. That is why I say no guy could ever love me as much as God does. God knows. He knows it all, but He still has decided to forgive me.

Now my solution is this: I still love a good chick flick now and then, but I space them out. I won't let myself watch too many in a row (specifically I won't watch more than 2 girly movies in a row). I also have cut my Nicholas Sparks books out of my system. Not only were they unhealthy for my love-craving heart, but now I realize that they're just honestly not that well-written and the plots are actually pretty boring (it's AMAZING how stepping back to a different perspective can change your opinions). I also won't listen to lots of music about love and relationships. Sure, I've got songs here and there, but I choose to listen to other music instead. Now, I tried this stuff at first to no avail because I simply gave this stuff up. The step that runs parallel to the sacrifice thing is that I spend more time with God. When my imagination took over when my diet was cut short, I knew I still had a problem. I sure can imagine up a good romance. Now I needed to spend time in the Word and praying with God. I started mostly with prayer because I was exhausting myself thinking about boys. In my life I've now had 2 boys express a genuine desire to date me and in my mind something had to be wrong with me. Only two boys? What the heck was wrong with me? Instead of dwelling on why I wasn't good enough, I just started to ask God that question: "What is wrong with me?" At first I didn't hear anything back. I personally think God was testing me to see how long I'd stick with it so He could see how much I truly desired His opinion. I did stick with it. I asked many times and I asked about specific boys I had been thinking about and I asked what I was doing wrong. Finally I heard an answer that didn't really make sense at first. God's answer was, "these men are not yours." I started really digging into scripture and reading more and more about God's love and how the Spirit should be changing me. I learned more and more of my own depravity and how I needed to take the Spirit's role in my life more seriously. My attitudes and opinions started to change and I found myself caring more for others and desiring to serve them and I also found myself wanting to respect men more. Finally God revealed Himself more clearly to me - He never answered with anything like, 'you're perfect just the way you are' or 'nothing is wrong with you.' He answered with, "Sarah; I created this specific guy you're praying about right now. He is mine. Not only did I create him, but he has chosen me as his Lord & Savior and I am the one guiding him. I desire him to follow my will and he is simply not yours to take from me."

Wow.

Talk about being humbled.

The God of the universe called dibs on his own creation that I, in my pride & selfishness, wanted for myself. Lord, please keep me from making that dumb mistake again.

Our culture teaches us that there are plenty of men for the choosing. Like Bella, we get to make the choice of whether we want Edward or Jacob, and we're taught that being in love with two people at the same time is no biggie. We act like we deserve love and that it's not something that should be denied to us. We allow it to affect how we view ourselves - if people love us, we drink it in. If people don't love us, we wonder what's wrong with us. Sometimes we wonder what's wrong when people do love us - here's the answer: it's not about other people's love. It's about God's love. It's not about falling in love, it's about God's love consuming & transforming you.

This is why we need to abide in Christ. Our culture teaches us so many falsehoods that will not bring you freedom or true joy or real peace. We need to abide in Christ so that the Spirit can teach us truths in a way that we can really grasp and understand them. We need our perspectives changed so we will pursue purer, greater things and so the Spirit can work within us to make distracting things less distracting and appealing. We need to abide in Him so that we can be truly worthy of the Kingdom of God, like the Thessalonians in 2 Thess 1. We need to abide in Him so that we can be transformed into Heavenly creatures set apart from the world (Romans 12:2).

Sometimes I talk about life as a Christian being a struggle, and sometimes it is. Fortunately the greatest solution I have found to any problem or hurt or trial is to abide in Christ and strive toward being closer to Him and forming a better relationship with Him. When my effort is put there, He takes care of the rest. When my effort goes toward that, the Spirit makes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22) an automatic and genuine reaction to the stresses of life. (This is also a reference to the part of John 15 that says, 'Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches'). I am incapable on my own. I need God in order for me to grow (1 Corinth 3:7).

More to come on the dissecting this verse. God bless!

Grace Like Rain

"Welcome those who are weak in faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions." Romans 14:1

If there is one thing I've learned in my 8 years of being a Christian it's that grace is one of the most important, vital things in my life. I have been shown SO much grace, and I am commanded, convicted, and redesigned to be a creature of grace. I don't mean 'grace' like a ballerina would have. I doubt I'll ever walk gracefully around everywhere, given my tendency for klutziness, lol. I mean the kind of grace that dwells in a person's heart. The kind of grace that forgives your parents when they misjudge you, or the kind of grace you show a best friend when they've really messed up and hurt you. It's the grace that helps you understand that no matter how 'Christian' someone is, they're still human and prone to make mistakes. You know, life is really just a long list of mistakes and what makes a difference is how you respond. No one is immune from messing up and being in need of grace. No one can find true joy without it. Christ didn't die for us so that we could become conceited in Him. He died so that we could be free to love.

Think about it: forgiveness isn't always easy, but how do I want God to treat me when I stand before Him? Do I want God's partiality? Or do I want God to say, "You know, Sarah Katherine-- you did some good stuff, but recently you've really been ticking me off because you've ignored me the past few days. I'm also just not a huge fan of your personality because you're a difficult person. Because of that, I'm through with you. See ya."

Absolutely not. I know that God understand grace too well to even think about doing that. Regardless of my most recent sin before I die, I know that God's forgiveness won't run out because He'll be looking at my love and respect for Christ instead of my fleshly faults. So, don't you think I should treat others accordingly? Christ has never and will never give up on me. How dare I give up on anyone else? That isn't Christ-like. Christ forgave the people that were killing Him WHILE they were killing Him. He didn't wait until after His ascension to think about it and calm down, He had a Spirit of forgiveness in the midst of trouble. That is Biblical. When someone is different or difficult or rude or immature, love them like a warrior loves victory. Love them more than you love yourself.

"We who are strong ought to put up with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building up the neighbor. For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, 'The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me'." Romans 15:1-3

The Body of Christ is supposed to be an example of Christ's love for us. I think that a lot of times we're either so terrified of rejection or persecution that we just think of how things should be different without action, OR we're so busy trying to convert people to Christianity that we don't take enough time to care for our family (the Body of Christ).

Jesus said to go and make disciples. The thing about making disciples is that it involves so much more than just telling lost people about Jesus. Discipleship is about having a real relationship with another person, pouring into them, giving them advice, being their shoulder and support during tough times, and showing Christ-like compassion. The Body of Christ is just that - a body. A body works together to accomplish one goal, but when an ankle gets sprained your body doesn't (or shouldn't) ignore any pain and just keep going. If you get a head wound, you don't just let yourself bleed out to do whatever you're doing. Your feet take you to medical care and your hand holds your head tight to stop the blood. Members of the Body get hurt from time to time. We're in a spiritual battle after all! When another Christian is hurting or struggling, we are not supposed to just ignore it and move on. Christ didn't come to ignore the hurting and struggling people of this world. He came to give hope to all people. Do we do that? Are we offering hope or support to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Or are we spending more time in our own selfish conceit focused on OUR ministry and OUR righteousness, instead of GOD's ministry and GOD's righteousness. Have you taken to time to truly ask God on a daily basis what His ministry is?

Are you and I really aware of our pride? Do we practice humility? Are we partial to people when we shouldn't be? Holding grudges and lacking compassion and making fun of other people is just not right. It is not loving or pure or Holy. Comparing ourselves to our brothers and sisters in Christ and finding confidence in where you think you are, versus where you judge another to be isn't righteous-- it's prideful. We have to become less to make Christ more.

"So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you."  John 13:14-15

Who do you need to love right now? Who have you been unfair to? Who have you judged? Who needs mercy and compassion? What are you doing to heal the Body of Christ when it is attacked? What are you doing to encourage all of your brothers and sisters in Christ? How can you become less so that Christ can become more?

"love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10

Firsts

If you know me well, you probably will not believe the list of "firsts" you are about to read. Yes, I lived in the 'bush' of Africa, yes I know I AM still alive even though there was no Diet Coke, Coke Light, or Coke Zero, yes I would be perfectly content if that was my one & only experience in rural Africa, and no… I wouldn't trade a single day for any amount of money or time in the world. :)

1. I took prescription motion sickness medicine because I was afraid of getting carsick. I later found out from a CVS pharmacist that my 'motion sickness' medicine was actually the main ingredient in tranquilizers. I was a little tired.
2. I ate a fried fish. Like, it was a full fish fried in grease and I had to scrape the meat off the bone. No, I didn't throw up or gag. It was surprisingly okay.
3. I drank Fanta Passion (& it was the bomb.com!)
4. I slept in a Tanzanian "Guest House." Don't let the name fool you - it was a room with a bed with a sheet and two fake pillows and a mosquito net and small night stand. The first one had electricity and some plumbing (you had to dump a bucket of water down the toilet because it wouldn't flush, but I did have a few streams of water come out of a shower head). The third night had no electricity, which leads to another first:
5. I lit my first kerosene lamp.
6. I ate a mandazi for breakfast.
7. I used a squatty potty (luckily this was put off until day 2… and then I pretty much didn't see a real toilet for the next 10ish days).
8. I ate Tanzanian "Margherita Pizza"…. which was actually a TON of spinach and a few other vegetables (I think tomato dices?) and a barely perceptible sprinkle of mozzarella cheese on pita bread.
9. I ate chapati for breakfast.
10. I ate roasted maize for lunch (sooooooo good!)
11. I received a gift from a villager near Lake Rukwa (it was maize).
12. I ate chips mayai for dinner (that's french fries cooked with eggs. It's really popular here).
13. I tried ugali at lunch (it's basically a thicker version of pop - for those of you that are in Africa and know what pop is. For those of you that don't know what pop is, or ugali… ugali is basically ground up maize. It looks like play dough. Pop looks like mashed potatoes).
14. Experienced culture shock for the first time in my life. That was not so fun.
15. I stayed at a beachfront resort (for $31 a night!) with a gigantic bedroom and bed and beautiful view and cool breeze.
16. I rode an African cargo boat for 13 hours (which was a TON of fun and I found out later that week that it was totally illegal, so…)
17. I broke a law in Tanzania.
18. My passport, headlamp, sunscreen, and iPod fell out of the boat while we were going. Luckily a cute Tanzanian guy rescued it for me, so then…
19. I gave my hero a big tip the "Tanzanian" way by hiding it in the palm of my hand while shaking his hand and saying, "Asante sana," which basically means, "Thank you very much." I got applause from all of the Africans on the boat. It was pretty funny, lol. Sidestory: when it went overboard everyone around me was asking, "Was something important in there?!" What actually came out of my mouth was, "MY PASSPORT!!" but what I was crying out in my heart was, "MY IPOD!!! MY IPOD! MY IPOD! MY IPOD!" Apparently I don't care if I can get back to Joburg or America, so long as I have my music.
20. I ate boiled cassava (it's a root that's similar to a potato and very good. I also ate fried cassava a few days later. It's so similar that I'm counting all of this as one).
21. I tried Miranda N….something. It was soda that was pretty much just like fanta, but it was blackcurrant flavored, I believe.
22. I participated in basically a prayer vigil because it seemed like we were going to get turned away by a priest in the area because they were suspicious of what we were doing there. PTL that everything ended up being okay and we got to stay and visit more of the Kisi people!
23. I bathed in a body of water because I'm not a fan of bucket baths, and our water for bucket baths came straight from Lake Malawi. That was just about the coolest first I did. Bathing in the lake was AWESOME! The water was the perfect temp, crystal clear, and so refreshing :)
24. I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking through the mountains of Tanzania. I've hiked before and I've hiked through mountains before. Never in my life have I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking. I'm pretty sure that's what death feels like and I'm pretty sure all of those Africans think I'm total weak-sauce. Africans can WALK, man. They're crazy! They never get tired!
25. I fished a drowning ant out of my chai and still drank it.
26. I picked dead ants off my chapati and still ate it.
27. I ate raw peanuts.
28. I ate boiled peanuts.
29. I heard a dog killing another dog (at about 1 am in the morning).
30. I heard the call to prayer (at 5 am the same morning).
31. I rode a legit African bus (meaning there were about 60 seats that were full, then about 60 more people standing, and I'm probably underestimating. There were also about 12 chickens and a goat on the bus as well. Fortunately the standing people only pulled your hair and used your head as an armrest if you were white. If you were black, they were straight-up sitting in your lap).
32. I bought something from a street salesman from out of the bus window.
33. I drank Pinenut flavored Sparberry (a soda). It was pineapple + coconut and it was soooo delicious.
34. I ate ranch flavored Pringles.
35. I flew in a 14 person airplane (12 passenger seats and the 2 pilot seats).
36. The runway for the plane was a field of grass.
37. This trip included the first time I ever used a mosquito net.
38. I didn't wear any makeup at all for 14 consecutive days (since I started wearing makeup in 6th grade).
39. I ate an apparently normal Tanzanian mixture = rice + bananas + chicken + red sauce
40. I wore skirts for 15 consecutive days.
41. I hiked in a skirt.
42. I had no outside communication (phone, internet, etc) for 15 consecutive days.
43. I was blessed by another person (as in, someone laid their hands on my head to show me they were blessing me, and it happened to be a 4-ish year old!)
44. I had to take anti-malaria medication.
45. I had to make sure that I only drank water from bottled water (and had to remember to close my mouth while showering… who knew that that would be so difficult?)

I believe 45 firsts is the final number, so I'd say that 16 day adventure was well worth it :) Now I get to visit with friends for a bit and then I'm headed back to Johannesburg for my last 3 weeks in Africa!

God is good all the time!

You Revive Me

by Christy Nockels
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band

You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord

Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart

You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord

My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands

I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me

March Update

Hey everyone!

I hope this posts finds you all doing well. I wanted to write a quick update about South Africa!! The second month has FLOWN by! I can't believe I only have a little over 2 months before I'm on a plane headed home! I'm still definitely enjoying my time here. Life hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but I've learned so much. My only expectation for living in Africa was that I would grow, and it is an expectation that has definitely been met. I've learned a lot more about myself, more about my sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and more about other people and how we relate. Being here has put my life into a different perspective. I definitely spend more time praying nowadays. I pray for my friends so much more than I ever have before. I just pray more in general. As I pray for others and continue to live here, I have one prayer request that I would love for you to pray for me. Please pray for me that when I open my mouth God will give me the words to proclaim fearlessly the mystery of the Gospel. I would be so grateful for that prayer.

Logistically, it's mid-term time. Instead of an exam, I had a survey to fill out about my time here. One semester is such a short time! It's a very rewarding time though :) I honestly have no clue where God desires me to be next, so I'm praying about it and trying to figure out how my passions for knowledge and creativity and encouraging others all fit together. I have a tendency to get distracted by my future because I feel pressure to always know what's coming next. The truth is, I could die tomorrow and I have no clue what's coming next, so instead of praying for my future I would like you to pray for my present. I'm realizing more and more, day by day, that I'm supposed to proclaim the mystery of Christ's beautiful Gospel fearlessly with every word and action.

The next two months are going to be a whirlwind of African adventures!! The first week of March I get to attend a business conference. I'll have plenty of time to learn and fellowship with people my age, younger, and older. After that I get to spend a few days of vacation with two friends exploring Cape Town! I'll get to go shark cage diving as well, and my inner marine-biologist is FREAKING OUT about how exciting that's going to be!! Soon after returning from Cape Town I'll leave for a business trip to Tanzania! I'll be hiking, taking a 2 hour boat ride, visiting different villages, and hanging out with university students in the city. Needless to say, the next two months will certainly be a grand adventure. I'm very excited to get out of the office! As these adventures begin, I have other prayer requests after you've prayed about the Gospel being proclaimed fearlessly every time I open my mouth (I'm hoping repetition will help you understand just how important this request is to me!).

2. Pray that things will continue to go well with work as I travel and that our team will be able to help all of the clients we're trying to assist.
3. Pray that my friends in the States that have continually been on my heart since arriving here will see the supremacy and grace of Christ in a way they haven't seen it before.
4. Pray that God will keep our Tanzania team protected from malaria and another other illnesses, and that he'll protect us from broken bones or any other set back as we do a good bit of hiking.

I leave you with a song recommendation (it's a song I keep singing here!). YouTube "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman. The chorus is so awesome. It goes, "I lay me down, I'm not my own. I belong to you alone. Lay me down, lay me down. Hand on my heart, this much is true: there's no life apart from You. Lay me down, lay me down."

Thank you for your prayers! Love you all!

Forever a Student

Going Deeper.

We are a world that is so plugged in - plugged into the news, the internet, our iPods and iPhones and Droids and TVs and tablets. We have all these resources and all this entertainment and all of these distractions. We can spread information like wildfire via Facebook, as proved through 'LOL cat' photos and the recent Kony 2012 video. One thing that has really been on my heart recently is the 'heart' of activism in this rising culture. Creative outlets like film, graphic design, music composition, etc seems to be this huge thing that keeps growing. Is it bad? I can't judge that. Can it be useful? Certainly. Can the videos and songs and paintings and posters end modern day slavery or put a violent leader in jail? Not by themselves.

I'm realizing that there's something much deeper behind all of these movements for a better world. There's something that doesn't get as much as attention as it should. Yes, bringing down a violent man is a good thing because we're freeing people from oppression. Yes, assisting authorities in catching slave owners is a good thing, but what is our goal? Is our goal to make the world a better place? Is it to do something good? Is it to be the hero? If those are our goals, then we're missing the point.

We already have a hero, his name is Jesus Christ. No one can replace him. Can we make the world a better place? Well… we can certainly help relieve other's pain, but no matter how hard we try and no matter what we do, this world is Satan's kingdom. He was given the world as his stomping ground and we are to live for a kingdom far greater than his. We can't forget in all this world-saving business that the world - humanity - can ONLY be saved through the blood of Christ and a person can only be saved through the washing away of their sins by his blood. "Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him," (John 3:17).

As I sit here thinking about what is truly important in my life, the one thing I keep coming back to is God. Worshiping God, telling people about God, realizing that there is not a single significant thing I can do in and of myself that is greater or more glorious than what God can do through me if I'll humble myself and if He so chooses to use me. It's important that in a world where my generation has a shorter attention span because of our trigger-happy fingers that roam the web, that we take time to read. It seems to me as though my generation spends much less time than we should in the Word. Do you really spend the time you should studying it and understanding it? Is it a task or a pleasure? Is it a guide for your life or luxury reading? Does it help drive what you do and who you are in Christ or is it just an option? The more I spend time reading this precious Word, the more I see how far I fall from righteous. The more I read this beautiful Word, I see how amazing the kingdom of God is. In the darkest period of my life I spent time dreaming about a beautiful world where nature was beyond our concept of beautiful, where people had a keen, kind, and true sense of justice. A place where compassion, mercy, humility, and love were everywhere. People didn't judge. People didn't manipulate. People didn't seek their own glory, but they helped others that were struggling. I wanted to live in a world like that. I still want to live in a world like that, but I think a lot of those things will be mostly reserved for Heaven. Now I dream of a place where everything glorifies God for how truly good He is. I could easily get off track, so I'm going to steer back now to the point…

We don't read enough. We don't spend enough time in God's Word, because God's Word reveals his kingdom and tells us how to make an amazing world possible, and I have looked for that amazing world for quite some time. I see whispers of it. I meet a person now and then that is so obviously consumed with the love and spirit of Christ, or I see the beauty of that world in a sunset or night sky. As I grow and learn, I'm seeing more of that world in the Bible. I see commands to, "not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil," (1 Thess 5: 6, 9-11, 16-22).

If I could've been encouraged to do anything through high school and college, I wish I would've been seriously encouraged to read my Bible more. It was always an option. Well, technically it still is an option in that I have the free will to choose whether or not I'm going to read it. However, when it comes to my emotional, spiritual, or physical welfare, reading my Bible is NOT an option. When I'm feeling hopeless, no person can comfort me the way Psalm 139 does. When I'm feeling insignificant or confused about my life, few could give me advice or encouragement like reading through 1 & 2 Thessalonians does. When I'm frustrated with a friend or anyone in my life, no one can give me such excellent advice like Galatians can. A lot of times I get all sad and ridiculous because I'm such a sucker for the idea of a 'one, true love.' I think about this knight in shining armor that will love me regardless of my weight or body shape or weird likes or random ideas. Well guess what? That knight - his story is all throughout the New Testament. Rumors of Him are in the Old Testament, and stories of his compassion and his hope are all throughout the NT. A lot of times I feel imprisoned by so many things here on earth and my soul is crying out for freedom, but I find encouragement in the Book of Freedom - the Word of God.

So, if I could just take a moment to encourage you - read God's Word. If you're depressed right now and feel like you're drowning - read God's Word. If you're confused and don't know where to go next or what you're supposed to do with your life - read God's Word. If your parents or a parent or family member has scarred you somehow with some betrayal or neglect - read God's Word. If your best friend has chosen her current crush over her friendship with you - read God's Word. If a guy has used and abused you to satisfy his own pride - read God's Word. If you've spent your life trying to do everything good and it seems like nothing good ever happens to you - read God's Word. If you think you're completely alone in your suffering - read God's Word. If you don't feel like you fit in anywhere or with anyone - read God's Word. If you feel judged and hated and want love, if you're desperate for love - read God's Word.

His Word and His Spirit will teach you how to be free. It will teach you how to love. It will teach you how to forgive. It will teach you how to look at other people with no sense of judgment or conceit. It will teach you how to trust again. It will teach you how to let go and find freedom in not having control. It will teach you so many things if you will let it. Being taught requires surrender though. You have to surrender your pride and your stubbornness and your doubt and your fear and your insecurity and anything else you may be holding onto. You may already be a Christian and have the Spirit within you, but don't tune God out. A lot of people make the grave mistake of thinking Christianity is a one-time conversion process. No, no, no. I'm living proof that Christianity is a constant renewal and refinement of yourself. I'm continually converted into a being more aware and more awake as I spend more and more time seeking Christ. The more I spend time with God, the more he transforms my heart. God didn't come to save the world from something simple like being thrown in a stereotypical hell fire, complete with cartoon devils jumping around with pitchforks. God came to save us from ourselves and from our own sinful, selfish natures. He came to save us from living a life of phony love. He came to save us from a life that is less. Not because He wants to point at us and laugh and say, "Haha, you aren't good enough!" No, no, no. He came to save us because he really does love us that much and He wants to restore us to the glory He designed us for (read Genesis).

What are we doing, self-proclaimed Christians of the world? Are we trying to save the world from bad, or are we trying to expand the kingdom of God in this war zone Satan calls 'home?' Are we living to glorify God or are we living for personal gain? I probably repeat this message in different ways at different time, but it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will just allow you to get it. I pray that you can see with what clarity is see that God is SO good and SO faithful and that He is THE hero and THE knight in shining armor.

Please, don't take my word for it - take God's word for it. Read His Word, read the Bible. Study it. Seek to understand it. Humble yourself and allow yourself to be taught instead of pridefully thinking of yourself as a great scholar. The only times I really learn something is when I stop pretending that I know it all. There are some lessons that take me years to learn just because I have this big, stupid head about myself. College is my big testament of that statement. Thank God that at the end of college I finally was learning lessons from the first 3 years of mistakes. I'm still learning even now about just how many mistakes I made in college and I truly hope that my life will be full of learning more and more about how I can better love.

Right now I can better love every human I know by begging them to read God's Word. Regardless of who you are, please just give the first book ever printed a chance. If not for the sake of Christ, then how about for the sake of history? For the sake of Gutenberg, read the Bible. Believe that you can learn something from it. It's such a great story, even if you think it's fiction, it still has so much wisdom about sacrificial love and the best way to be human.

Please, please… read the Word with humility.

"They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 13b-16a

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11: 1-3

Flesh & Blood

I thought of a movie reference for this post, so I'm just going to go ahead and do what I do…

So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.

Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.

Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.

"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band

Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.

That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.

"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24

February in Review

It's easier just to post this here instead of sending a bunch of emails, so.... Hello! I thought it's high time I update you on what's gone on with me this past February!

When I got back from my orientation in Botswana, the first thing that I was allowed to do was shower, unpack, and relax! PRAISE THE LORD! Orientation wasn't easy and it was sooo nice to have a bed that I could call my own! The next day was another pretty easy day and I got to experience grocery shopping. It's actually very similar to going to Wal-Mart in America, except there are different brand names (and unfortunately no velveta cheese) and the Pick 'N Pay is located in the middle of a shopping mall! It's actually really nice being able to have a food court, grocery store, and all kinds of other nice stores in the same place. Overall, life here isn't too different from America. There's a McDonalds within walking distance of my flat (apartment), my flat's layout is very similar to one of my college dorms, and I spend a lot of my free time going to the movies or out to eat with the other single Americans here (and occasionally some of my new South African friends). So, leisure time is definitely enjoyable and fun here. :)

I love the work that I'm doing here! I'm so fortunate to have this opportunity to intern abroad! I've met just about everyone on the team now and have really enjoyed doing work for some of our clients. South Africa is such a diverse place and it's been really nice to meet so many different people!

Apart from work, I've had the opportunity to visit several ministries while I've been here. I've been to a boarding school for kids from poorer townships, I've been to a daycare in one of the very poor townships here, an orphanage for abandoned babies, and an orphanage for kids suffering from AIDS and other diseases, I've been to another township to prayer walk and play with kids, and I've been to the oriental district to prayer walk. Last Friday I went to a soup kitchen to serve homeless men. They've all been great places to see and next week we'll get to choose where we want to serve for the rest of the semester. Right now I'm thinking I'll go to the school. All of the kids are SO SWEET here! The kids at the school were especially fascinated with my extremely pale skin. They also could not understand how I was sunburned. They thought it was so odd that only a portion of my arm was red. I can't wait to become a regular at one of these ministries. :)

Each Sunday I've had the chance to visit a different church. So far I've been to six different churches, with two more left to visit. I loved the first one we visited and have already joined their praise team and play with them on Sunday nights. It's a lot of fun and the church there is veeery diverse. It's so cool to worship regularly with such a big mix of people :) The church itself is relatively small, and it's really more of a family atmosphere. Some of the adults I've met there are just amazing to get to know and they really have inspired me to dream & pray much bigger than I usually do. The pastor is great as well! His grandfather was sent to South Africa by Spurgeon to plant churches! It's definitely a close-knit group and my boss attends there as well.

Other fun things I've done is visit the Lion & Rhino park where lions brushed up against our car as they walked past us!!! That was probably the coolest experience here so far :) Pics are on Facebook if you haven't seen them yet. Also, I got to see my first Broadway play here (Phantom of the Opera) and it was amazing!! I definitely look forward to seeing something else on Broadway in the future. Sunday I also got to visit the "Top of Africa" and saw just how huge this city is!

That pretty much sums up my February. Right now I have a few prayer requests:
1. That I will be able to sleep better. It's different not having air conditioning here and so sleeping has been difficult. I also keep having sporadic nightmares, or just crazy dreams, so it's hard to stay well-rested, which in turn makes it harder to concentrate on my work throughout the day.
2. That God will open my ears to his instruction on a day-to-day basis. The faith of some of the people at my church, Lyndhurst, is just unbelievable and they are definitely prayer warriors. I'm really trying to depend on God as much as they do, and watching them has shown me how much I depend on my own means and strength in day-to-day activities.
3. Pray for future decisions. My boss has already asked me to start apply for a full-time position which would send me back here for 2+ years. That's a big commitment and I haven't heard any clear instructions from God on where He wants me next, so please pray for clarity and a peace of mind as I forge ahead and make decisions about the next leg of my life!

Many blessings,
Sarah Katherine

My Radical Year

Perfection. Man, this word has followed me everywhere.

How can we define perfection if we are imperfect?

When our focus is to be perfect like Christ, we are running toward a goal we can't even define. It makes it easy for us to lose a sense of clear direction because we don't actually have a clear goal. In that case, our life is more about the goal of "doing." We want to do as Christ did and do the right thing.

What happens when we stop trying to "do" and we focus instead on "being"?

The only way for us to be Christ, instead of trying to be like him, is to rely on what He's given us - the Holy Spirit. How can we be Christ or even be like Christ without Christ's Spirit? If we change our goals and focus on just God, where can we go wrong? If our focus is God, then we should seek God more, spend more time with God more, depend on God, all with a clear focus - God. If our focus is being like God, the focus is more on ourselves and our capability to change.

We aren't capable of change.

Not in our own power. True change is the change from being selfish to being selfless. We naturally want to place ourselves at the center of our universe. Even people will low self-esteem often place themselves in the center, it's just in a negative light instead of a positive one. The only way for us to truly change is to focus on God, because when our hearts and minds are turned toward God, His glory will shine on us and radiate through us. We're supposed to be like mirrors - reflecting God's glory and allowing God to see Himself in us. We're not dogs or animals trying to learn new tricks, and we're not chameleons trying to make ourselves morph into God. The more we lose ourselves, the more God can show Himself through us. The more we let go of the things we believe define us - like personality traits, likes & dislikes, our own moral code - the more God can replace those things in us with His characteristics and His heart.

To quote Casting Crowns, "With eyes wide open to the differences - the god we want and the God who is. But could we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"

I can't imagine living a better life than a life where most of my time is spent in prayer and seeking to know God. Last year I read "Radical" by David Platt and I made several commitments. I promised to join a church, I promised to fast from buying books, movies, and music for my own personal pleasure, I promised to read through the Bible in one year, I promised to spend a portion of my life in another context (meaning in a different culture and place), and I promised to pray for the nations every day. This year, through attempting to keep these commitments, I learned a lot about myself.

1) Promising to join a church…
I did not officially join a church this past year, but I've realized that there's so much more to standing before the church saying, "I'm joining this specific Body." My life is in a perpetual state of transition right now. I lived in Birmingham from February to August, in Huntsville from August to January, and now I'm in South Africa until June. It seemed a little weird officially joining a church. What HAS stuck out is how I'm called to consistently be a part of the Body of Christ. College was a time where I was pretty unplugged from any consistent form of fellowship with the Body. I went to a different church each year of college because of several reasons, but mainly it came down to sound doctrine. I don't think I realized how important sound doctrine was to my faith until I came to college and found a lot of places that were either technically preaching the Gospel by word, but not by action and attitude of heart, and then I found places that just weren't teaching the Word, or they twisted the Word to fit their purposes. At one place I even made some of the church leadership angry because I was questioning what they were teaching and they accused me of being afraid of God. Well, YEAH. Duh. I am afraid of God. He's the only thing in the universe that can condemn me. He's the most just and righteous entity/ being/ spirit in existence. Of course I'm afraid of leading people astray and I'm afraid of fitting his Word to match my lifestyle and my natural instinct. When they accused me of that, it was one of the biggest wake up calls of my experience at that church. That was the first church that really turned me off to the whole idea of church. I've been hurt by church people before - I don't think there's any possible way to avoid getting hurt by church people during your lifetime (considering there are quite a few unSaved churched people). Anyway, I can talk about that another time because it's a whole 'nother topic.

So, God really showed me that regardless of my past experiences or my present situations, I really have to be involved as a member of the Body of Christ, regardless also of what church service I attend. So, I did some things I typically would not have done had I not been listening to God's urging. This past summer I joined a discipleship group at the church I had attended since the previous Thanksgiving. I knew there probably wouldn't be any UAB people and I knew I probably wouldn't know anyone in it, which generally terrified me. I was not good around new people - I've been extremely shy. BUT, I joined nonetheless because I knew God wanted me with a group of believers I could be transparent with. Guess what? Those girls - SO not scary. They were awesome! =) I grew a lot last summer because it was one of the few times where I was completely open to whatever God wanted to me to here. I struggle with being stubborn and clinging onto past experiences, but this summer I took a leap of faith and I learned more about God and my own faith than I have in a loooong time. I regularly attended our college ministry stuff and even had legit fun in the process. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal at all, but you just don't understand how scary people are to me. In my mind, people (even people that you truly love as friends, family, or your significant other) hurt you. They cause sometimes unbearable pain. I've had a lot of moments in my life where I've questioned my own significance as a human being solely because I felt so unbelievably worthless to everyone I cared about. This summer, God just kind of broke up a lot of my expectations and told me that I've just had lots of experiences with people that don't have Him hidden in their heart. He showed me a group of still imperfect people, but people that truly sought God. I can't really describe how much it meant to me that Erica, Hannah, Emily Grace, Emily, Janna, Katherine, and all the other D-group girls were willing to be friends with me and love me as their Sister when they didn't even know me.

Studying at Shades this summer, along with 'interning' aka. editing videos for their media director, opened my eyes to all the suspicion and distrust and resentment I had built up against the church. It showed me that I have a place in the Church and a calling to really be a Sister within the Body of Christ. It also showed me the importance of finding a family that's for real about following Christ, a family that is following the call to make disciples, a family that focuses on humility before God, a family that prays passionately, a family that depends on the Spirit, and a family that pour over the Word and promises and teaching of Christ. I'm so done with the pleasing doctrine that ignores God's Word and promises comfort and riches during this life. That's not what this life is about. This life is a race and it's not supposed to be rainbows and butterflies all the time. It's supposed to be about giving God glory throughout absolutely everything. So, in conclusion - wherever I am and for however long, I'm going to be involved in the Body of Christ. In Huntsville I was blessed to help out with my home church's youth group and puppet team, and now I'm in a praise band and I'm hoping to somehow get involved with the youth group if possible.

2) Promising to fast…
So, books, movies, and music = pretty much what I draw energy from. People talk about introversion and extraversion and how you either draw energy from people or from time alone. Well, I don't really care if people are with me or not with me, so long as I have time to completely lose myself in the awesome imagination God's blessed me with. Listening to just one song can put me in a completely different world. I decided to fast from these things for several reasons.

A. I wanted to spend more time with people and less by myself. I decided before I started my fast that I would still go to the movie theater with people, but I wouldn't buy my own movies or go to the theater alone. This was a LOT more difficult than I anticipated. I eventually got used to it, but not buying music whenever I wanted it was SO HARD. The awesome thing that came from this is that it made me value the money God gives me to spend more, because I had more money to spend with friends. I spent more time doing fun stuff with other people and sharing/ experiencing life with others, more so than I had previously done. I also had less incentive to stay in my room. I also was able to spend more on other people, and I've realized that I really like being able to say, "Don't worry! I've got you covered!" when someone worries about not having enough money to spend time with me and other friends. I know Feb 22nd is coming up close and my initial response is to buy and download every episode of Doctor Who, but now I'm really questioning if that's how I want to spend my money when I can use my money to help others, give to others, or use it to allow me to spend time with others. Same thing with movies and books.

B. When it came to individual books I wanted to read or movies people told me to watch, I started asking if I could borrow stuff. I wasn't really expecting this, but it really showed me which of my friends really trust me and which ones don't. I can say that I definitely chose some really great best friends. =) I can also say this showed me who I need to pray for because they have problems trusting their close friends…. I know myself, and I take good care of my stuff, particularly if it's not mine and I'm borrowing something. If I ruined something of someone else's I would replace it. I know my own character, and this experience revealed to me that I shouldn't get my feelings hurt so easily when people don't trust me after YEARS of friendship. I can't change their hearts by being any different than I already am, with the exception of praying for that person more and more. So, yeah. Friends. Learned a lot about them this past year. (Quick blurb: I think my best friends found out how much I really love to read this past year, because I got a lot of books for Christmas, and it really was an excellent Christmas =) Thanks guys!)

My fast is almost over and I can buy stuff again. I can't wait to see where I am a year from now and see how my method/ thought processes of buying fun stuff has changed.

3) Promising to read the Bible….
This started out so much easier the first half of the year… partially because it seemed like I had more time to study the Word in college than I did in real life after graduation, partially because it took a while before I hit Jeremiah and Ezekiel (ijfoiwejflksaejfoawiefaowief -- my feelings on these two books). About a month ago I realized that I was going to only read the Old Testament in a year. Luckily, I had already read the New Testament all the way through before last year when I made this commitment, so I can at least say I've read the entire Bible by this Feb 22nd. Looking back, I wish I would've started reading my Bible regularly when I first became a Christian when I was 15. I can look back and see the incredible power of the Lord in my life, but I would bet that the transformation I've experienced would've gone a lot quicker had a remained faithful in consistently reading and studying His Word. This year has shown me how interested I really am in studying the Word. It's gone from more than I desire just to read, and a much stronger desire to truly understand. That's why Jeremiah and Ezekiel really hung me up - I just don't get them. I understand the importance of truly following God and I understand His righteousness more, but there's just a lot of fire and brimstone type stuff that is heavy and I just don't get all of it. So, yeah. When this year is up I'm going to focus more one taking my time in studying the Word, as opposed to reading through.

I'm really happy I decided to read through the bible though. I loved reading through Job because now I know that regardless of any hardship I face, I'm supposed to remain faithful to God and that my faithfulness will most certainly pay off even when it seems like there's no hope. It inspired me to hold closer to God during hard times. I also loved reading Isaiah. God is so good :) He is a great God of great promises. Isaiah made me fall more in love with God and reminded me that after this life long race, I get to spend the rest of eternity in joyous praise of true holiness =)

Reading through the OT taught me much more than I can share right here, but overall it showed me that God's Word isn't an option in my life. If I want to grow, I have to seek God, pray, look and listen for him anywhere and everywhere, and read His Word - a great tool that too often gets overlooked.

4) Promising to spend my life in another context…
Well… hello. I'm in South Africa right now! Even though I spend the majority of my day in an office at work, I'm still intentionally going out to find ministries to get involved in outside of work. In my mind, everything I do is about bringing glory to God's name and trying to urge people to join in His great work! I'm so excited to have this opportunity to serve Him in a different culture and in a different phase of life. Primarily my goal is to make disciples. One quote that motivates me is from Francis Chan's talk at Passion 2012: "Do you really believe that God commanded you to go and make disciples? … Do you read that and go, 'Alright, I'm gonna go start making some disciples.' You guys, we gotta start doing this. Man, we talk about human trafficking… the solution to human trafficking is making disciples. That's a solution. It's changing people's hearts because some of the people that you go to school with, some of them will be the victims of human trafficking and some of them will be the culprits of it."

If we spend our lives fighting bad things because we want to get rid of bad things, and all we do is try to oppose bad things through our own resources and abilities, we're never going to get rid of the problem. The problem is that people need their lives changed, and not enough of us that have had our lives changed are willing to go out and talk about how others can receive life change. That's not me anymore. God saved me. He changed my life. I'm not compassionate or forgiving by my own power. I'm not caring or loyal by my own power. I can't write or edit videos because I made myself good at those things. Everything I am is because of the power of God in my life. Everything I do needs to be about Him. My life is wrong if it's not all about Him. My life is without purpose if I'm not glorifying Him. I'm not sure where I'll be 2, 10 or 50 years down the road, but the one thing I hope is forever consistent in my life is that I will glorify God in everything and that my life is about sharing His work, and His goodness, and His solution to all problems. I can't dedicate my life to anything better than that.

5) Promising to pray for the nations every day…
This was the one thing that really tripped me up. The biggest thing this year of radical-ness taught me was that I'm not a radical prayer warrior, but I DESPERATELY need to be. This has been a particularly big thing the past few weeks here in South Africa. Despite all I've learned about God in the past year, people still scare me, I miss my friends like you wouldn't believe it, I still have to surrender my doubt to God whenever it shows up, and through reading the Word and listening to the things some of my friends say and do and believe, I realize that I am so small. I am SO small. I can't, through my power, save my friends or make them understand God. I can't save the world or take away people's problems by myself. I'm not in control, I'm not powerful, and I don't have tons of money or ideas to create a perfect life for anyone. BUT, I have God. I think that the world would be a radically different place if every person that claimed they followed Christ spent 1 hour on their knees in earnest, heartfelt prayer every day. I truly believe our planet would be a different place if we Christians did that.

I personally rely on myself far too often. I process things on my own, I think a lot and use my own reasoning. I don't fall down before God and ask for help or beg for the salvation of those I care about every day, and I know I should be. Don't get me wrong - I have cried out to God for a lot of people that I love and even people that I don't even know. I'm just not consistent with it because I get so distracted. I've spent 10 years living inside my head and only really letting God in from time to time. I want to be able to radically pray anytime anywhere. I know this is going to take my own time though. I know I've got to choose to surrender my time, mind, and heart to pray for others. So, in an effort to become a radical prayer warrior, starting tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 4am each day and spend time on my knees praying. This won't be easy, cause the Lord knows I love my sleep. BUT I realize that there are SO many more people more important than my sleep. I also realize that I won't see crazy love or crazy healing in my own life for myself, my family and my friends if I don't daily spend time just asking God for His Hand, His Help, and His Spirit. So yeah. My radical year was missing 1/5th of the radical-ness that I hoped to experience, so it's time to remedy that.

In conclusion, I just want to reiterate that God is so good. I am powerless because God controls everything and He is above all things. Anything I do that makes me feel like I'm powerful is a trap and a lie. God is power. God is love.

God is my everything. He is perfection.

A Little Big Thing

Simplicity.

Christianity.

These two words have more in common than I typically recognize. These two words have also found themselves frequent in my vocabulary.

There are a lot of people that give Christianity a bad rep because they forget about how simple it truly is. There are people that just straight up don't believe that Christ can save you, there are those that think Christ can save you, but He can't save you all by himself - there's all this extra stuff you have to do, and then there are those that recognize that Christ alone can save.

I was blessed with the opportunity to share the Gospel with a national in Botswana and as I reflected on our conversation later, the simplicity of the Gospel just sort of smacked me in the face. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had about predestination, free will, the infallibility of the Bible vs the fallibility of the Bible, women in the Church, homosexuality, liberalism vs conservatism, naive sin, baptism by dunking or sprinkling, being stewards of God's creation, all this stuff that can get so tangled and convoluted and can raise people's blood pressure. Amidst all this extra stuff I sometimes looked past what the simple truth is.

In the beginning, God created everything. He created man and woman as perfect individuals and He gave them one command to follow. Man and woman broke that command and sinned, and so God cast them out of paradise because He is so Holy that He could no longer be in the presence of mankind. God still loved man, so he gave him more commandments to follow. Anytime someone broke a commandment, they had to make a blood sacrifice - because the only thing that can cover a man's sin is purifying blood.

Man was still constantly sinful and wasn't real big on this whole sacrificing thing - we were too busy doing our own thing and didn't want God. We think we're pretty awesome on our own. So, God still loved us and He wanted to have a personal relationship with us, so He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to be the final sacrifice - the blood atonement - for all of mankind. He gave freely and suffered just so He could be close to us. Why doesn't this 'wow' us more often? Why do we shrug off this sacrifice like it's no big deal? After Christ died, all a person had to do is proclaim that Jesus was the final atoning sacrifice, that He is alive and the head honcho now, and that person must also ask for forgiveness for their sins. (Check out John 3: 34-36).

When you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is King, then you will be saved.

When you confess, you then receive the Holy Spirit to guide you and to regenerate you into a Christ-like creature. C.S. Lewis said, "Every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And, taking your life as a whole, with all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heaven creator or into a hellish creature…" This process of regeneration isn't quick. For me it took approximately 1.5 years to go from feeling nothing and being hopeless to truly understanding forgiveness. Within those 1.5 years I felt a lot of hatred, a thirst for revenge, anger, bitterness, and slowly God changed my heart in each of those situations. He began to take those things away from me, He opened up my eyes to show me the monster that I was. He did NOT open my eyes, point at me and say, "SARAH JOHNSON, GO TO HELL!!!" No! He opened my eyes and He said, "My child!! My child!! Look at what you are doing! Look at who you are hurting! Did I not already forgive you?! Look! I can give you mercy to extend to others, I can give you grace and understanding so that you can love others, I can show you why to be patient, and how! My child, I love you! Please, I beg you to love others!"

God isn't screaming at people condemning them to hell. There WILL be a judgment day, but that day is not today. Instead God is begging and pleading for people to love Him and to turn to His Way. He sacrificed for you and me. He's waiting to teach people and show people love and joy and peace and kindness and goodness and gentleness and patience and self control. We get so caught up in our struggles and politics and what we view as fair and equal that we forget the still, small voice of God saying, "I have what you need!! I have the one thing you truly need!!" And that thing is forgiveness.

Forgiveness because we, all of us, every single human, have done bad things. We're not all murderers, but I haven't met a person that has never told a lie. We're not all evil rulers out to kill anyone they deem unpure, but I'm fairly certain everyone I know has (at least once) thought, "Screw them, I'm going to do what I want." We've all considered ourselves more important than others, we've looked down on others, or we've been too afraid or lazy to help someone in need. God doesn't call us to be perfect in our own power. He offers us His power and He perfects us as we walk with Him. He shows us how to be like Him.

This may sounds complicated to you, and I hope it doesn't. Because the simple truth is that we have to give up living for ourselves if we want to be happy. We will never find true joy when we're constantly seeking satisfaction in wealth or success or a spouse/significant other or drugs or whatever your choice of substitute is. The only thing we can find true satisfaction in is God, and God wants so desperately to satisfy us. We're just too selfish to let Him.

So, what about you? Do you want to find peace? Do you want true satisfaction? Do you want to know how to solve your problems? Or do you want to keep turning to your own means? Do you prefer depending on your own reasoning, or your own love, or your own capability?

I know I've depended on myself way too often and it burned me every single time. God is SO good!! He is SO great!! He can love me better than my parents can! He can provide for me better than I can for myself! He treasures me more than any amazing husband ever could. He is so amazingly awesome. :)

So, I'm living for Him always. My life is His. He paid the price for my sins and I've said, "Thanks God! You're awesome! What do I do next to love and please you?" And I have to tell Him that constantly as a reminder to myself that I'm His and I'm here to obey His instruction.

What about you?

White Flags

True joy is something that was really hard for me to grasp. It used to be a common thing for me to cry anytime I got slightly emotional about God. There were so many things that made me cry and it seemed like I spent the past 8 years crying to make up for the years of no tears I experienced before I knew Christ.

Passion was different this year. It was a breaking point. I didn't break down this year, I didn't cry over and over, I did something so completely different than what I'm used to … My face broke into a smile again and again and again. :) I smiled so much, I can hardly believe it now a month later. I found something this year. I found joy.

Depression is one of those complicated things that is so deeply rooted in a person's thoughts and emotion, and it even takes a physical tole. I remember the time I lost 8 lbs in one week because I was so depressed I couldn't eat. I also remember the one time I turned to cutting just to feel something because I was so desperate to feel. I remember crying myself to sleep just because I felt so useless and stupid and unwanted and ugly. I remember quite a lot, and I've experienced quite a lot. I've suffered from depression for right around 10 years. Moving to Alabama was the catalyst. I think that quite literally it started with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I remember 7th grade in this way: every single day was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Moving to a new place for me was like being ripped from this beautiful fairy-tale of a childhood with few bad days, and many amazing friends and shoved into a group of cold-hearted southern bumpkins that found way too much amusement in calling me fat and making me feel stupid. (Disclaimer = Paige Cochran was my hero in middle school. She was my best friend, and she was I think the only person I never felt judged by all the way through middle school, and it was pretty much the best part of my entire middle school career).

Along with all that, I want to say this: being a follower of Christ is a journey. It's a constant turning over of yourself to God, and it's allowing the Holy Spirit to point out your flaws and your sin, then giving you the opportunity to surrender those things to God. My life has never been perfect if you just look at me, and it never will be. I'm flawed even where I don't see it. The thing is, I'm learning. Always learning, always finding flaws and seeing where I'm not surrendering different areas of my life to God. So, these past 10 years of depression haven't gone without growth. Slowly God has revealed hope and several other things. Being a follower of Christ is such a thick and deep subject, so I'm going to skim on a lot and jump to the big deal that happened at Passion this year.

So, back to depression. A lot of my depression was fueled by doubt. I didn't think that I was worth anyone's love. I didn't think I was worth it to a lot my friends, I didn't think I was worth a second glance from any guys, I didn't think I was smart enough to make it in any kind of career, I didn't think I was worth investing in, I didn't think I was worth being discipled by older believers, I didn't think I was worth much of anything. I knew I wasn't helpless and I knew I had things to contribute to the world, but it really comes down to me not thinking that I was someone worth having a personal relationship with. All of those thoughts and beliefs made me doubtful of myself time and time again. I didn't find a lot of joy in much of anything (except Lord of the Rings… I will forever find joy in how God speaks to me through Tolkien).

At Passion, the theme was freedom. The whole conference was centered around setting slaves free from bondage. It was there that I realized I wasn't just doubtful, but I was enslaved to doubt. It controlled my actions. It kept me from pursing friendships, and all kinds of relationships - be it with friends, family, girls, guys, adults, or kids. I was trapped in a lie and the 'great deceiver,' Satan, had me convinced of all of these ridiculous beliefs about myself. I'm not perfect, and I'm not God, but I love my friends dearly. I love some of my friends so much it hurts. I let people run over me because I just want them to know that God loves them no matter what. I know some of my friends are constantly hurting, and that's why some of them hurt me, but I just want them to see how inexplicably awesome God's healing is. I also seem to have a knack for story telling. I learned how to write well after I became a Christian, so I really think it is a gift. It's not because I'm awesome, but God has given me a gift to seek stories and write stories. I hid these gifts a lot in college because I was constantly distracted and doubted the gift I was given. There are more things I no longer doubt, because God has blessed me with a lot of things I thought were untrue about myself.

At Passion we sang a song called, "White Flag." The chorus went like this, "We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you, all for you. We raise our white flag, the war is over, love has come, your love has won." During the conference I realized my enslavement to doubt and I realized that fighting with doubt wasn't my battle. For so long I tried so hard to be a good Christian. I tried to fight off doubt because I know that my depression wasn't righteous and it wasn't how I needed to live if I wanted to be all God wanted me to be. I never turned to meds or a shrink. I knew if I just ate right and exercised my seretonan (sp?) levels and whatnot would normalize to what they should be, or they'd at least get close. I was too lazy to eat right and exercise, so I wasn't going to turn to medicine because in my heart I felt like that was just an easy way out/ excuse to whine. Now, I did visit the doctor when I had unusual depression that wasn't the norm for me and I gained a lot of weight in 4 months without changing anything. Turns out my thyroid isn't working up to par (which runs in my family, so). As far as a shrink goes… well… I've needed to get a Christian mentor for quite a while, so I'm looking into that now. I wasn't interested in a typical shrink because I knew that someone that wasn't a Christian wasn't going to give me the help I truly needed. I don't suggest ignoring help to anyone, but I was too afraid to admit to any adults that I had a problem. Only a few of my closest friends knew I was struggling, and I'm not really sure how much I even let them know.

So back to Passion (sorry, I think backstory is important): I struggled with wanting to be a good Christian and I thought that I should just be one and that I shouldn't struggle as much as I did. In a sense, I was right in my thinking. I shouldn't have struggled that much, I should have just given my struggles to Christ. That was the thing that hit home at Passion: Christ has already won the battle. He has defeated sin and He is the one that has conquered Satan and is waiting to end the war. I was fighting my battle against depression mostly alone because I thought that was my lot in life. Boy, oh boy was I wrong. All I had to do was raise my white flag and say, "God!! I can't fight Satan!! He's too big for me and too strong! Help me, please! Here, take this depression and doubt and start beating the crap out of it, please!" And guess what? He did! Knowing that I didn't have to fight this personal battle made my shoulders so much lighter! I was so free! I was free to worship with all of my heart, and sing without caring what people thought of my voice, free to smile as big as I wanted, free to be so incredibly happy that God made me Me.

I realized again that God loves me. Not because I deserve it (the Lord knows that I certainly don't deserve it with my past). He loves me because He's awesome like that. He wants me to be free to love Him back, and that's what I found at Passion 2012. Freedom to love God without feeling so unworthy. It's a weird knowledge to explain, because I know I'm unworthy, but I don't feel unworthy. I just feel really loved.

Now I'm not only free to love God unashamedly, but I'm free to love others too. :) That's a big part of my life now. I'm not sure quite how this will appear in my life, because I already loved people before, but I think it was more in my heart and not really as evident as I would like it to be. So, yesterday I played with toddlers and picked up a bouncy ball that fell into an already used kiddie toilet bowl. Yep, that sounds disgusting and I could've spent my entire morning freaking out about how completely unsanitary those little kids were, but whatever. They were adorable and they CRAVED love. The first thing they did when I entered the building was run and hug my legs. It was an adjustment for sure, but I just got over it. That was a moment where I know God's love for me freed me to love others. Also, I stayed with two really awesome girls while I was in Botswana. I lived in their house for two days, and there were several things that I know would have bothered me had I visited their house last December, BUT this January I was free :) Now I just remember having a great two days of experiencing a different culture's lifestyle. I remember seeing beautiful farm land, going to a very different church service than what I typically experience at home, having awesome conversation with two really great university aged girls (my new friends!), having fun learning how to wash clothes the Botswana day, and just enjoying life. It was almost weird enjoying life like that, but it was mostly just enjoyable :)

Am I still depressed? Nope. Just no. That's not Me anymore. I'm just done with that, because now I know that's something I have to surrender to God whenever it presents itself. It's really that simple.

I waited a month before posting this because I wanted to make sure I could still say all that with the same conviction I experienced at the beginning of Passion. Life isn't easy, but it's never been easy. Flying 17 hours away from my family and friends wasn't easy, but it's what God wanted me to do, so He's made life joyful because of my obedience.

I don't know who is reading this or where you are in life, but I can assure you that I've known so many depressed people in my life. There were several years where I couldn't have told you anything as true as this: depression doesn't have to claim your life. God loves you. Satan is the one making your life miserable (and I'm being honest here: your own stubbornness is part of the equation as well, just as my stubbornness was). God wants to set you free. He wants you to proclaim His Son as your Savior (google John 3 and look specifically at verses 16-18), and He wants you to seek Him. That's what my life is now. I just want to seek Him always, love Him, and love others. What more could you want from life than true love? Seek and you will find.

So… seek, surrender, love, be FREE.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Orient Yourself!

Gabarone, Lobatse, Naledi, and another place that I'm not going to spell because I really have no idea how to properly spell it. Botswana. This was where I spent my first 10 days in the beautiful continent of Africa! I was blessed to be able to participate in a sort of 'cultural orientation' before actually settling into my new internship in South Africa. Basically I was with a group of other folks new to Africa that decided we wanted to experience culture shock together and quickly so we'd know how to handle it if it ever hit us again while we're out travelling across Africa or beginning new jobs and whatnot.

By the way - Africa is VERY beautiful! I had deserts painted in my mind, but it is SO green here! I absolutely love it!!

So, I'm not really sure how this blog will go as the semester continues, but this post is basically a recap of my flight to S.A. and my media-blackout orientation! So, here we go!:

Saturday, January 14th:
After enjoying a nice, big breakfast with mom, dad, and Chip at the Huntsville airport I was off! Well, first I had to go through security and that kind of stuff. I haven't traveled via airplane since I was 12 years old, so when I got to the right gate I stood at the counter wondering what I was supposed to do next. I asked an employee working there if I was supposed to check-in. His response: a lot of laughter. I had to explain that I hadn't flown in quite some time and he then laughed a bit more and told me just to have a seat and he'd call everyone at once to board the plane.

Flying to DC was a great flight :) I met a new friend, Joanna, and we talked the entire way to DC. It sure made the flight go by a lot quicker. Dulles airport in DC was much less intimidating than I imagined. The memory of the Chicago airport had me a little paranoid, lol. Dulles was pretty empty when I got there around noon. I caught a bus and then took a train to the gate to wait on my partner/ fellow intern, Erin (she was flying in from Atlanta). On the way to her gate, I found it: a cheeseburger. The week prior to leaving I made SURE to get Little Rosie's, P.F. Changs, and Chickfila. What did I forget? A good cheeseburger. Naturally, I made sure to get an amazing Five Guys cheeseburger with plenty of fries before the Atlanta flight got in.

The Atlanta plane arrived after a few hours of waiting, and off walked Erin! We waited awhile before our flight to Joburg and I made sure to get a strawberry frosted Dunkin Donut before I left it behind for 4.5 months - gotta make sure you cover all your bases before flying off, ya know?

So after a 3.5 hour delay due to electrical problems, we were off into the wild, blue yonder!! I didn't sleep a wink in our 8ish hour flight to Senegal (our 1 stop) and I made myself paranoid by watching Contagion on the flight. Every cough or sneeze make me hold my breath for a second. I suggest not watching that movie to anyone considering on a bazillion hour flight with 100 other people.

The next leg of the journey was a 7ish hour flight to Joburg! By the grace of our dear Lord, I was able to sleep!!!!! We landed in Joburg and got to ride back to my workplace for this semester to take a shower and catch a glorious 2 hour nap before waking up to go back to the airport to fly to Botswana!

So Botswana: Our orientation leader started off our grand adventure by making us blindfold our partner and describe Botswana to them as we headed to our first stop. When we got to the first stop, a little house and office with a house cat that looks like a lion cub, we spent a few hours learning about African culture by doing various activities and we all got to know each other a bit more.  When it came to lunch time we were dropped off at a Spar (grocery store) with pula (Botswana currency) and told to buy lunch. I'd like to mention that we didn't know the dollar to pula ratio, and we also did not speak Setswana. Erin & I opted for banana bread and grapes because the was a pretty confusing venture, lol.

The next few days were spent doing more educational activities and getting introduced to the culture. We rode in their taxi vans (Koombes - don't quote me on the spelling...) - they were a TON of fun, :) we went to the market, we ate Botswana hot dogs from street vendors, visited a hindu temple and mosque, served a traditional Botswana meal (meaning the girls had to serve the guys and wash their hands and junk... I like America, btw), and practiced Setswana with the people working at the place we slept.

We spent one day at Naledi - the 'ghetto' of Botswana. I spent most of the day there working in the garden of a church, pulling weeds and trying to make things look a little bit neater for the congregation. I spent a lot of time thinking about my mom and thanking God that he placed such a hard-working, servant-hearted woman in my life. My mom definitely has the gift of helps and she's constantly looking for ways to serve others by doing various tasks, particularly cleaning. Lucky for me, I wasn't homesick while I worked, I was just very grateful for all of the leaders and examples God has placed in my life to teach me how to be a servant of Christ.

A portion of the time at Naledi was spent walking around looking at the living conditions and visiting with a family. The experience wasn't a flooring experience where I was overcome with grief or hopelessness, but instead God allowed me to see His beauty in all situations. There were mothers in Naledi that affectionately led their kids around, friendly neighbors that smiled and waved as we passed by, kids laughing as they played, and there was still so much vegetation! I've seen much more depressing places, Skid Row in Los Angeles immediately comes to mind, so it was almost refreshing to be reminded that God hasn't forsaken people in the poorer places. In fact, the family that we visited with had an older woman in it that eagerly led me into her bedroom to show me her certificate of Baptism. There was so much joy on that woman's face and she was so happy to hear that we were doing work at her church that day. The language barrier made it difficult to communicate in depth with the family, but I can tell you that the smiles shared between all of us communicated the joy that we all found in our awesome Lord. That day really solidified something for me: I'm not here specifically to add to my resume, to feel good about myself, to make a dent in social justice issues of sex trafficking, poverty, crime, etc, or to become self-righteous. I am here specifically to follow God's will for my life: to bring hope and joy into desperate situations by sharing the hope and joy found in Jesus Christ!

I often get distracted by learning different things about Christianity and morals and whatnot and sometimes I forget that the only reason I am here right now is because the Holy Spirit rescued me when I was hopeless and depressed and alone. The only reason I am here is because God allowed me to glimpse the hope and joy he offers to anyone who follows Him and to anyone that makes Him the center of their life.

It's Mail Time!

Below are the instructions I received from my supervisor about mail!:

Receiving Mail:
All of our mail is delivered to the office compound via PO boxes. You can receive mail at the following address:

IBSA
c/o Sarah Katherine Johnson
PO Box 1759
Edenvale 1610
South Africa

Don't expect to receive mail quickly. Expedited mail usually takes 1-2 weeks to arrive from the States. The normal system takes several weeks longer.

People in the States can send you mail at anytime, but there are some guidelines that they need to follow when sending packages to you in South Africa. I would highly recommend sharing these guidelines with them:
1. Clearly mark the following somewhere on the outside of the package: "Unsolicited Gifts." It's also a good idea to write "For Personal Use - Not For Resale" on the customs sticker that is included with the package.
2. They'll have to get one of the customs/ international mailing stickers from the post office. This gives them a place to give a general list of items included in the package and how much each item is worth. Do NOT list the actual (paid) price of items on the outside of the package or on this form. You will have to pay 1/2 of what is listed as the worth to the customs officials. For example, if an item is listed as costing $20... you will have to pay $10 to get the package from customs. The price listed should be the garage sale price of the item. Once an item is purchased and removed from its original packaging, it is not longer new. The resale (or garage sale) price is sufficient and truthful.
3. Anything included in the package needs to be taken out of the original wrapping/ container. For example, a CD/ DVD should be unwrapped/ opened, any original boxes for items should not be included, etc.
4. If sending any food... remove the items from their original package/ box/ bag and put them in a sealed Ziploc bag. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it will appease the customs officials for not looking like you're importing goods from the States. Secondly, the sealed bags will also seal the smell of the food and protect it from rats. Many individuals have received packages with holes in them... and the food half-eaten by rats. So again... if they want you to receive the food items they send, remove them from their original packaging and seal them in Ziploc bags!
5. Large mailing bags (no matter the size or weight), manilla envelopes (even the thick padded ones), regular letters or envelopes, postcards, etc, are easily received and rarely opened by the customs officials. You may have to pay a small fee for receiving large bags/ envelopes, but it is usually only a few dollars. Letters are not read - whether they're in an envelope or a package, but packages (boxes) are almost always opened by the customs officials. Usually there isn't a problem with receiving all that is in a package (unless an electronic item is included), but keep in mind that there is a slight chance that something could be confiscated. No one should send you anything electronic in the mail. It will NOT get to you.
6. There is no problems with sending Christian materials or items. Because you are an American, it is assumed that you are a Christian and expected that you will receive Christian/ spiritual types of things. Don't worry about that.