If you know me well, you probably will not believe the list of "firsts" you are about to read. Yes, I lived in the 'bush' of Africa, yes I know I AM still alive even though there was no Diet Coke, Coke Light, or Coke Zero, yes I would be perfectly content if that was my one & only experience in rural Africa, and no… I wouldn't trade a single day for any amount of money or time in the world. :)
1. I took prescription motion sickness medicine because I was afraid of getting carsick. I later found out from a CVS pharmacist that my 'motion sickness' medicine was actually the main ingredient in tranquilizers. I was a little tired.
2. I ate a fried fish. Like, it was a full fish fried in grease and I had to scrape the meat off the bone. No, I didn't throw up or gag. It was surprisingly okay.
3. I drank Fanta Passion (& it was the bomb.com!)
4. I slept in a Tanzanian "Guest House." Don't let the name fool you - it was a room with a bed with a sheet and two fake pillows and a mosquito net and small night stand. The first one had electricity and some plumbing (you had to dump a bucket of water down the toilet because it wouldn't flush, but I did have a few streams of water come out of a shower head). The third night had no electricity, which leads to another first:
5. I lit my first kerosene lamp.
6. I ate a mandazi for breakfast.
7. I used a squatty potty (luckily this was put off until day 2… and then I pretty much didn't see a real toilet for the next 10ish days).
8. I ate Tanzanian "Margherita Pizza"…. which was actually a TON of spinach and a few other vegetables (I think tomato dices?) and a barely perceptible sprinkle of mozzarella cheese on pita bread.
9. I ate chapati for breakfast.
10. I ate roasted maize for lunch (sooooooo good!)
11. I received a gift from a villager near Lake Rukwa (it was maize).
12. I ate chips mayai for dinner (that's french fries cooked with eggs. It's really popular here).
13. I tried ugali at lunch (it's basically a thicker version of pop - for those of you that are in Africa and know what pop is. For those of you that don't know what pop is, or ugali… ugali is basically ground up maize. It looks like play dough. Pop looks like mashed potatoes).
14. Experienced culture shock for the first time in my life. That was not so fun.
15. I stayed at a beachfront resort (for $31 a night!) with a gigantic bedroom and bed and beautiful view and cool breeze.
16. I rode an African cargo boat for 13 hours (which was a TON of fun and I found out later that week that it was totally illegal, so…)
17. I broke a law in Tanzania.
18. My passport, headlamp, sunscreen, and iPod fell out of the boat while we were going. Luckily a cute Tanzanian guy rescued it for me, so then…
19. I gave my hero a big tip the "Tanzanian" way by hiding it in the palm of my hand while shaking his hand and saying, "Asante sana," which basically means, "Thank you very much." I got applause from all of the Africans on the boat. It was pretty funny, lol. Sidestory: when it went overboard everyone around me was asking, "Was something important in there?!" What actually came out of my mouth was, "MY PASSPORT!!" but what I was crying out in my heart was, "MY IPOD!!! MY IPOD! MY IPOD! MY IPOD!" Apparently I don't care if I can get back to Joburg or America, so long as I have my music.
20. I ate boiled cassava (it's a root that's similar to a potato and very good. I also ate fried cassava a few days later. It's so similar that I'm counting all of this as one).
21. I tried Miranda N….something. It was soda that was pretty much just like fanta, but it was blackcurrant flavored, I believe.
22. I participated in basically a prayer vigil because it seemed like we were going to get turned away by a priest in the area because they were suspicious of what we were doing there. PTL that everything ended up being okay and we got to stay and visit more of the Kisi people!
23. I bathed in a body of water because I'm not a fan of bucket baths, and our water for bucket baths came straight from Lake Malawi. That was just about the coolest first I did. Bathing in the lake was AWESOME! The water was the perfect temp, crystal clear, and so refreshing :)
24. I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking through the mountains of Tanzania. I've hiked before and I've hiked through mountains before. Never in my life have I spent 12 hours of the same day hiking. I'm pretty sure that's what death feels like and I'm pretty sure all of those Africans think I'm total weak-sauce. Africans can WALK, man. They're crazy! They never get tired!
25. I fished a drowning ant out of my chai and still drank it.
26. I picked dead ants off my chapati and still ate it.
27. I ate raw peanuts.
28. I ate boiled peanuts.
29. I heard a dog killing another dog (at about 1 am in the morning).
30. I heard the call to prayer (at 5 am the same morning).
31. I rode a legit African bus (meaning there were about 60 seats that were full, then about 60 more people standing, and I'm probably underestimating. There were also about 12 chickens and a goat on the bus as well. Fortunately the standing people only pulled your hair and used your head as an armrest if you were white. If you were black, they were straight-up sitting in your lap).
32. I bought something from a street salesman from out of the bus window.
33. I drank Pinenut flavored Sparberry (a soda). It was pineapple + coconut and it was soooo delicious.
34. I ate ranch flavored Pringles.
35. I flew in a 14 person airplane (12 passenger seats and the 2 pilot seats).
36. The runway for the plane was a field of grass.
37. This trip included the first time I ever used a mosquito net.
38. I didn't wear any makeup at all for 14 consecutive days (since I started wearing makeup in 6th grade).
39. I ate an apparently normal Tanzanian mixture = rice + bananas + chicken + red sauce
40. I wore skirts for 15 consecutive days.
41. I hiked in a skirt.
42. I had no outside communication (phone, internet, etc) for 15 consecutive days.
43. I was blessed by another person (as in, someone laid their hands on my head to show me they were blessing me, and it happened to be a 4-ish year old!)
44. I had to take anti-malaria medication.
45. I had to make sure that I only drank water from bottled water (and had to remember to close my mouth while showering… who knew that that would be so difficult?)
I believe 45 firsts is the final number, so I'd say that 16 day adventure was well worth it :) Now I get to visit with friends for a bit and then I'm headed back to Johannesburg for my last 3 weeks in Africa!
God is good all the time!
"Write down for the coming generation what the Lord has done, so that people not yet born will praise Him." Psalm 102:18 This is the motivation behind my blog. I'm learning so much and desire to give others the chance to see what I'm learning so that they might learn too. This is my opportunity to love others by sharing the knowledge God has blessed me with. But all glory goes to Him!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
You Revive Me
by Christy Nockels
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands
I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
from the album "White Flag" by the Passion Worship Band
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
Lord I have seen Your goodness
And I know the way You are
Give me eyes to see You in the dark
And You race shines a glory
That I only know in part
And there is still a longing
A longing in my heart
You revive me
You revive me Lord
And all my deserts are rivers of joy
You are the treasure I could not afford
So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor
All for You
You revive me Lord
My soul is thirsty
Only You can satisfy
You are the well that never will run dry
And I'll praise You for the blessing
For calling me Your friend
And in Your name I'm lifting
I'm lifting up my hands
I'm alive
I'm alive
You breathe on me
You revive me
Monday, March 26, 2012
March Update
Hey everyone!
I hope this posts finds you all doing well. I wanted to write a quick update about South Africa!! The second month has FLOWN by! I can't believe I only have a little over 2 months before I'm on a plane headed home! I'm still definitely enjoying my time here. Life hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but I've learned so much. My only expectation for living in Africa was that I would grow, and it is an expectation that has definitely been met. I've learned a lot more about myself, more about my sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and more about other people and how we relate. Being here has put my life into a different perspective. I definitely spend more time praying nowadays. I pray for my friends so much more than I ever have before. I just pray more in general. As I pray for others and continue to live here, I have one prayer request that I would love for you to pray for me. Please pray for me that when I open my mouth God will give me the words to proclaim fearlessly the mystery of the Gospel. I would be so grateful for that prayer.
Logistically, it's mid-term time. Instead of an exam, I had a survey to fill out about my time here. One semester is such a short time! It's a very rewarding time though :) I honestly have no clue where God desires me to be next, so I'm praying about it and trying to figure out how my passions for knowledge and creativity and encouraging others all fit together. I have a tendency to get distracted by my future because I feel pressure to always know what's coming next. The truth is, I could die tomorrow and I have no clue what's coming next, so instead of praying for my future I would like you to pray for my present. I'm realizing more and more, day by day, that I'm supposed to proclaim the mystery of Christ's beautiful Gospel fearlessly with every word and action.
The next two months are going to be a whirlwind of African adventures!! The first week of March I get to attend a business conference. I'll have plenty of time to learn and fellowship with people my age, younger, and older. After that I get to spend a few days of vacation with two friends exploring Cape Town! I'll get to go shark cage diving as well, and my inner marine-biologist is FREAKING OUT about how exciting that's going to be!! Soon after returning from Cape Town I'll leave for a business trip to Tanzania! I'll be hiking, taking a 2 hour boat ride, visiting different villages, and hanging out with university students in the city. Needless to say, the next two months will certainly be a grand adventure. I'm very excited to get out of the office! As these adventures begin, I have other prayer requests after you've prayed about the Gospel being proclaimed fearlessly every time I open my mouth (I'm hoping repetition will help you understand just how important this request is to me!).
2. Pray that things will continue to go well with work as I travel and that our team will be able to help all of the clients we're trying to assist.
3. Pray that my friends in the States that have continually been on my heart since arriving here will see the supremacy and grace of Christ in a way they haven't seen it before.
4. Pray that God will keep our Tanzania team protected from malaria and another other illnesses, and that he'll protect us from broken bones or any other set back as we do a good bit of hiking.
I leave you with a song recommendation (it's a song I keep singing here!). YouTube "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman. The chorus is so awesome. It goes, "I lay me down, I'm not my own. I belong to you alone. Lay me down, lay me down. Hand on my heart, this much is true: there's no life apart from You. Lay me down, lay me down."
Thank you for your prayers! Love you all!
I hope this posts finds you all doing well. I wanted to write a quick update about South Africa!! The second month has FLOWN by! I can't believe I only have a little over 2 months before I'm on a plane headed home! I'm still definitely enjoying my time here. Life hasn't been a bed of roses the whole time, but I've learned so much. My only expectation for living in Africa was that I would grow, and it is an expectation that has definitely been met. I've learned a lot more about myself, more about my sweet Lord Jesus Christ, and more about other people and how we relate. Being here has put my life into a different perspective. I definitely spend more time praying nowadays. I pray for my friends so much more than I ever have before. I just pray more in general. As I pray for others and continue to live here, I have one prayer request that I would love for you to pray for me. Please pray for me that when I open my mouth God will give me the words to proclaim fearlessly the mystery of the Gospel. I would be so grateful for that prayer.
Logistically, it's mid-term time. Instead of an exam, I had a survey to fill out about my time here. One semester is such a short time! It's a very rewarding time though :) I honestly have no clue where God desires me to be next, so I'm praying about it and trying to figure out how my passions for knowledge and creativity and encouraging others all fit together. I have a tendency to get distracted by my future because I feel pressure to always know what's coming next. The truth is, I could die tomorrow and I have no clue what's coming next, so instead of praying for my future I would like you to pray for my present. I'm realizing more and more, day by day, that I'm supposed to proclaim the mystery of Christ's beautiful Gospel fearlessly with every word and action.
The next two months are going to be a whirlwind of African adventures!! The first week of March I get to attend a business conference. I'll have plenty of time to learn and fellowship with people my age, younger, and older. After that I get to spend a few days of vacation with two friends exploring Cape Town! I'll get to go shark cage diving as well, and my inner marine-biologist is FREAKING OUT about how exciting that's going to be!! Soon after returning from Cape Town I'll leave for a business trip to Tanzania! I'll be hiking, taking a 2 hour boat ride, visiting different villages, and hanging out with university students in the city. Needless to say, the next two months will certainly be a grand adventure. I'm very excited to get out of the office! As these adventures begin, I have other prayer requests after you've prayed about the Gospel being proclaimed fearlessly every time I open my mouth (I'm hoping repetition will help you understand just how important this request is to me!).
2. Pray that things will continue to go well with work as I travel and that our team will be able to help all of the clients we're trying to assist.
3. Pray that my friends in the States that have continually been on my heart since arriving here will see the supremacy and grace of Christ in a way they haven't seen it before.
4. Pray that God will keep our Tanzania team protected from malaria and another other illnesses, and that he'll protect us from broken bones or any other set back as we do a good bit of hiking.
I leave you with a song recommendation (it's a song I keep singing here!). YouTube "Lay Me Down" by Chris Tomlin & Matt Redman. The chorus is so awesome. It goes, "I lay me down, I'm not my own. I belong to you alone. Lay me down, lay me down. Hand on my heart, this much is true: there's no life apart from You. Lay me down, lay me down."
Thank you for your prayers! Love you all!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Forever a Student
Going Deeper.
We are a world that is so plugged in - plugged into the news, the internet, our iPods and iPhones and Droids and TVs and tablets. We have all these resources and all this entertainment and all of these distractions. We can spread information like wildfire via Facebook, as proved through 'LOL cat' photos and the recent Kony 2012 video. One thing that has really been on my heart recently is the 'heart' of activism in this rising culture. Creative outlets like film, graphic design, music composition, etc seems to be this huge thing that keeps growing. Is it bad? I can't judge that. Can it be useful? Certainly. Can the videos and songs and paintings and posters end modern day slavery or put a violent leader in jail? Not by themselves.
I'm realizing that there's something much deeper behind all of these movements for a better world. There's something that doesn't get as much as attention as it should. Yes, bringing down a violent man is a good thing because we're freeing people from oppression. Yes, assisting authorities in catching slave owners is a good thing, but what is our goal? Is our goal to make the world a better place? Is it to do something good? Is it to be the hero? If those are our goals, then we're missing the point.
We already have a hero, his name is Jesus Christ. No one can replace him. Can we make the world a better place? Well… we can certainly help relieve other's pain, but no matter how hard we try and no matter what we do, this world is Satan's kingdom. He was given the world as his stomping ground and we are to live for a kingdom far greater than his. We can't forget in all this world-saving business that the world - humanity - can ONLY be saved through the blood of Christ and a person can only be saved through the washing away of their sins by his blood. "Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him," (John 3:17).
As I sit here thinking about what is truly important in my life, the one thing I keep coming back to is God. Worshiping God, telling people about God, realizing that there is not a single significant thing I can do in and of myself that is greater or more glorious than what God can do through me if I'll humble myself and if He so chooses to use me. It's important that in a world where my generation has a shorter attention span because of our trigger-happy fingers that roam the web, that we take time to read. It seems to me as though my generation spends much less time than we should in the Word. Do you really spend the time you should studying it and understanding it? Is it a task or a pleasure? Is it a guide for your life or luxury reading? Does it help drive what you do and who you are in Christ or is it just an option? The more I spend time reading this precious Word, the more I see how far I fall from righteous. The more I read this beautiful Word, I see how amazing the kingdom of God is. In the darkest period of my life I spent time dreaming about a beautiful world where nature was beyond our concept of beautiful, where people had a keen, kind, and true sense of justice. A place where compassion, mercy, humility, and love were everywhere. People didn't judge. People didn't manipulate. People didn't seek their own glory, but they helped others that were struggling. I wanted to live in a world like that. I still want to live in a world like that, but I think a lot of those things will be mostly reserved for Heaven. Now I dream of a place where everything glorifies God for how truly good He is. I could easily get off track, so I'm going to steer back now to the point…
We don't read enough. We don't spend enough time in God's Word, because God's Word reveals his kingdom and tells us how to make an amazing world possible, and I have looked for that amazing world for quite some time. I see whispers of it. I meet a person now and then that is so obviously consumed with the love and spirit of Christ, or I see the beauty of that world in a sunset or night sky. As I grow and learn, I'm seeing more of that world in the Bible. I see commands to, "not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil," (1 Thess 5: 6, 9-11, 16-22).
If I could've been encouraged to do anything through high school and college, I wish I would've been seriously encouraged to read my Bible more. It was always an option. Well, technically it still is an option in that I have the free will to choose whether or not I'm going to read it. However, when it comes to my emotional, spiritual, or physical welfare, reading my Bible is NOT an option. When I'm feeling hopeless, no person can comfort me the way Psalm 139 does. When I'm feeling insignificant or confused about my life, few could give me advice or encouragement like reading through 1 & 2 Thessalonians does. When I'm frustrated with a friend or anyone in my life, no one can give me such excellent advice like Galatians can. A lot of times I get all sad and ridiculous because I'm such a sucker for the idea of a 'one, true love.' I think about this knight in shining armor that will love me regardless of my weight or body shape or weird likes or random ideas. Well guess what? That knight - his story is all throughout the New Testament. Rumors of Him are in the Old Testament, and stories of his compassion and his hope are all throughout the NT. A lot of times I feel imprisoned by so many things here on earth and my soul is crying out for freedom, but I find encouragement in the Book of Freedom - the Word of God.
So, if I could just take a moment to encourage you - read God's Word. If you're depressed right now and feel like you're drowning - read God's Word. If you're confused and don't know where to go next or what you're supposed to do with your life - read God's Word. If your parents or a parent or family member has scarred you somehow with some betrayal or neglect - read God's Word. If your best friend has chosen her current crush over her friendship with you - read God's Word. If a guy has used and abused you to satisfy his own pride - read God's Word. If you've spent your life trying to do everything good and it seems like nothing good ever happens to you - read God's Word. If you think you're completely alone in your suffering - read God's Word. If you don't feel like you fit in anywhere or with anyone - read God's Word. If you feel judged and hated and want love, if you're desperate for love - read God's Word.
His Word and His Spirit will teach you how to be free. It will teach you how to love. It will teach you how to forgive. It will teach you how to look at other people with no sense of judgment or conceit. It will teach you how to trust again. It will teach you how to let go and find freedom in not having control. It will teach you so many things if you will let it. Being taught requires surrender though. You have to surrender your pride and your stubbornness and your doubt and your fear and your insecurity and anything else you may be holding onto. You may already be a Christian and have the Spirit within you, but don't tune God out. A lot of people make the grave mistake of thinking Christianity is a one-time conversion process. No, no, no. I'm living proof that Christianity is a constant renewal and refinement of yourself. I'm continually converted into a being more aware and more awake as I spend more and more time seeking Christ. The more I spend time with God, the more he transforms my heart. God didn't come to save the world from something simple like being thrown in a stereotypical hell fire, complete with cartoon devils jumping around with pitchforks. God came to save us from ourselves and from our own sinful, selfish natures. He came to save us from living a life of phony love. He came to save us from a life that is less. Not because He wants to point at us and laugh and say, "Haha, you aren't good enough!" No, no, no. He came to save us because he really does love us that much and He wants to restore us to the glory He designed us for (read Genesis).
What are we doing, self-proclaimed Christians of the world? Are we trying to save the world from bad, or are we trying to expand the kingdom of God in this war zone Satan calls 'home?' Are we living to glorify God or are we living for personal gain? I probably repeat this message in different ways at different time, but it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will just allow you to get it. I pray that you can see with what clarity is see that God is SO good and SO faithful and that He is THE hero and THE knight in shining armor.
Please, don't take my word for it - take God's word for it. Read His Word, read the Bible. Study it. Seek to understand it. Humble yourself and allow yourself to be taught instead of pridefully thinking of yourself as a great scholar. The only times I really learn something is when I stop pretending that I know it all. There are some lessons that take me years to learn just because I have this big, stupid head about myself. College is my big testament of that statement. Thank God that at the end of college I finally was learning lessons from the first 3 years of mistakes. I'm still learning even now about just how many mistakes I made in college and I truly hope that my life will be full of learning more and more about how I can better love.
Right now I can better love every human I know by begging them to read God's Word. Regardless of who you are, please just give the first book ever printed a chance. If not for the sake of Christ, then how about for the sake of history? For the sake of Gutenberg, read the Bible. Believe that you can learn something from it. It's such a great story, even if you think it's fiction, it still has so much wisdom about sacrificial love and the best way to be human.
Please, please… read the Word with humility.
"They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 13b-16a
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11: 1-3
We are a world that is so plugged in - plugged into the news, the internet, our iPods and iPhones and Droids and TVs and tablets. We have all these resources and all this entertainment and all of these distractions. We can spread information like wildfire via Facebook, as proved through 'LOL cat' photos and the recent Kony 2012 video. One thing that has really been on my heart recently is the 'heart' of activism in this rising culture. Creative outlets like film, graphic design, music composition, etc seems to be this huge thing that keeps growing. Is it bad? I can't judge that. Can it be useful? Certainly. Can the videos and songs and paintings and posters end modern day slavery or put a violent leader in jail? Not by themselves.
I'm realizing that there's something much deeper behind all of these movements for a better world. There's something that doesn't get as much as attention as it should. Yes, bringing down a violent man is a good thing because we're freeing people from oppression. Yes, assisting authorities in catching slave owners is a good thing, but what is our goal? Is our goal to make the world a better place? Is it to do something good? Is it to be the hero? If those are our goals, then we're missing the point.
We already have a hero, his name is Jesus Christ. No one can replace him. Can we make the world a better place? Well… we can certainly help relieve other's pain, but no matter how hard we try and no matter what we do, this world is Satan's kingdom. He was given the world as his stomping ground and we are to live for a kingdom far greater than his. We can't forget in all this world-saving business that the world - humanity - can ONLY be saved through the blood of Christ and a person can only be saved through the washing away of their sins by his blood. "Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him," (John 3:17).
As I sit here thinking about what is truly important in my life, the one thing I keep coming back to is God. Worshiping God, telling people about God, realizing that there is not a single significant thing I can do in and of myself that is greater or more glorious than what God can do through me if I'll humble myself and if He so chooses to use me. It's important that in a world where my generation has a shorter attention span because of our trigger-happy fingers that roam the web, that we take time to read. It seems to me as though my generation spends much less time than we should in the Word. Do you really spend the time you should studying it and understanding it? Is it a task or a pleasure? Is it a guide for your life or luxury reading? Does it help drive what you do and who you are in Christ or is it just an option? The more I spend time reading this precious Word, the more I see how far I fall from righteous. The more I read this beautiful Word, I see how amazing the kingdom of God is. In the darkest period of my life I spent time dreaming about a beautiful world where nature was beyond our concept of beautiful, where people had a keen, kind, and true sense of justice. A place where compassion, mercy, humility, and love were everywhere. People didn't judge. People didn't manipulate. People didn't seek their own glory, but they helped others that were struggling. I wanted to live in a world like that. I still want to live in a world like that, but I think a lot of those things will be mostly reserved for Heaven. Now I dream of a place where everything glorifies God for how truly good He is. I could easily get off track, so I'm going to steer back now to the point…
We don't read enough. We don't spend enough time in God's Word, because God's Word reveals his kingdom and tells us how to make an amazing world possible, and I have looked for that amazing world for quite some time. I see whispers of it. I meet a person now and then that is so obviously consumed with the love and spirit of Christ, or I see the beauty of that world in a sunset or night sky. As I grow and learn, I'm seeing more of that world in the Bible. I see commands to, "not fall asleep as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… For God has destined us not for wrath but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise the words of prophets, but test everything; hold fast to what is good; abstain from every form of evil," (1 Thess 5: 6, 9-11, 16-22).
If I could've been encouraged to do anything through high school and college, I wish I would've been seriously encouraged to read my Bible more. It was always an option. Well, technically it still is an option in that I have the free will to choose whether or not I'm going to read it. However, when it comes to my emotional, spiritual, or physical welfare, reading my Bible is NOT an option. When I'm feeling hopeless, no person can comfort me the way Psalm 139 does. When I'm feeling insignificant or confused about my life, few could give me advice or encouragement like reading through 1 & 2 Thessalonians does. When I'm frustrated with a friend or anyone in my life, no one can give me such excellent advice like Galatians can. A lot of times I get all sad and ridiculous because I'm such a sucker for the idea of a 'one, true love.' I think about this knight in shining armor that will love me regardless of my weight or body shape or weird likes or random ideas. Well guess what? That knight - his story is all throughout the New Testament. Rumors of Him are in the Old Testament, and stories of his compassion and his hope are all throughout the NT. A lot of times I feel imprisoned by so many things here on earth and my soul is crying out for freedom, but I find encouragement in the Book of Freedom - the Word of God.
So, if I could just take a moment to encourage you - read God's Word. If you're depressed right now and feel like you're drowning - read God's Word. If you're confused and don't know where to go next or what you're supposed to do with your life - read God's Word. If your parents or a parent or family member has scarred you somehow with some betrayal or neglect - read God's Word. If your best friend has chosen her current crush over her friendship with you - read God's Word. If a guy has used and abused you to satisfy his own pride - read God's Word. If you've spent your life trying to do everything good and it seems like nothing good ever happens to you - read God's Word. If you think you're completely alone in your suffering - read God's Word. If you don't feel like you fit in anywhere or with anyone - read God's Word. If you feel judged and hated and want love, if you're desperate for love - read God's Word.
His Word and His Spirit will teach you how to be free. It will teach you how to love. It will teach you how to forgive. It will teach you how to look at other people with no sense of judgment or conceit. It will teach you how to trust again. It will teach you how to let go and find freedom in not having control. It will teach you so many things if you will let it. Being taught requires surrender though. You have to surrender your pride and your stubbornness and your doubt and your fear and your insecurity and anything else you may be holding onto. You may already be a Christian and have the Spirit within you, but don't tune God out. A lot of people make the grave mistake of thinking Christianity is a one-time conversion process. No, no, no. I'm living proof that Christianity is a constant renewal and refinement of yourself. I'm continually converted into a being more aware and more awake as I spend more and more time seeking Christ. The more I spend time with God, the more he transforms my heart. God didn't come to save the world from something simple like being thrown in a stereotypical hell fire, complete with cartoon devils jumping around with pitchforks. God came to save us from ourselves and from our own sinful, selfish natures. He came to save us from living a life of phony love. He came to save us from a life that is less. Not because He wants to point at us and laugh and say, "Haha, you aren't good enough!" No, no, no. He came to save us because he really does love us that much and He wants to restore us to the glory He designed us for (read Genesis).
What are we doing, self-proclaimed Christians of the world? Are we trying to save the world from bad, or are we trying to expand the kingdom of God in this war zone Satan calls 'home?' Are we living to glorify God or are we living for personal gain? I probably repeat this message in different ways at different time, but it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit will just allow you to get it. I pray that you can see with what clarity is see that God is SO good and SO faithful and that He is THE hero and THE knight in shining armor.
Please, don't take my word for it - take God's word for it. Read His Word, read the Bible. Study it. Seek to understand it. Humble yourself and allow yourself to be taught instead of pridefully thinking of yourself as a great scholar. The only times I really learn something is when I stop pretending that I know it all. There are some lessons that take me years to learn just because I have this big, stupid head about myself. College is my big testament of that statement. Thank God that at the end of college I finally was learning lessons from the first 3 years of mistakes. I'm still learning even now about just how many mistakes I made in college and I truly hope that my life will be full of learning more and more about how I can better love.
Right now I can better love every human I know by begging them to read God's Word. Regardless of who you are, please just give the first book ever printed a chance. If not for the sake of Christ, then how about for the sake of history? For the sake of Gutenberg, read the Bible. Believe that you can learn something from it. It's such a great story, even if you think it's fiction, it still has so much wisdom about sacrificial love and the best way to be human.
Please, please… read the Word with humility.
"They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 13b-16a
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11: 1-3
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Flesh & Blood
I thought of a movie reference for this post, so I'm just going to go ahead and do what I do…
So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.
Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.
Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.
"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band
Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.
That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.
"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24
So, in Soul Surfer the youth pastor in the movie shows her youth group some photos that are waaay zoomed in. The students try to guess what's being shown, but they think that a walnut is a brain, etc. The lesson is about perspective, and right now that's what I'm looking for. My problem is that I usually am focused too much on the big picture, and so I skim over and don't spend a lot of time with the little things - the little things that matter. So, right now I'm praying for more perspective. All of this was spurred by two different perspectives I experienced last Sunday that I'm going to share.
Sunday morning we visited an all-black African church where we had communion, and that night at my 'home away from home' church we also had communion. Communion is one of those things. You know, one of those things that can become just a ritual if you're not careful. That morning is wasn't a ritual, it was definitely a time of personal conviction. As I was taking communion the first time, the bread was really good… I can't explain why, it was just super tasty and I wanted to take my time eating it to enjoy it. It made me think of Jesus and how sometimes I sort of rush through prayer or reading my Bible instead of taking the time to savor those moments with the Spirit. Symbolically, I was partaking of the Body of Christ - the sweet, perfect Body of Christ. In life I should partake in the savory, beautiful Spirit, but I find myself shutting the Spirit out for my own agenda and plans. The busy nature of the American life is really unsettling me while I'm here. I've never enjoyed jumping from thing to thing because I like having time to process and think. I would like to have more time in my day just to think and meditate and pray and spend time in the Word. I would like to spend more time savoring what Christ has done for me. I think that if we did that - if every church attending person did that daily - the church would be so completely different. I don't think there would be so much reserve when we worship & praise Him with song. Gah, it's like wearing a straight-jacket sometimes sitting in a service full of people that just aren't amazed by God like they should be, because we're scared. Maybe not everyone… we all have different problems, but I know mine is fear. I'm terrified of being judged by Christians, and I am one. What does that say about our society? I'm not really sure. I don't comprehend it all yet and maybe I never will, but the point is that I spend to much time being American or being a student or being a self-sustained citizen as opposed to spending time being a follower, a disciple, and a love of Jesus Christ.
Back to communion - after the bread comes the wine (or fruit juice, for Baptists like me). After the bread I had on Sunday (which was rather fluffy and dry, even though it tasted good) I was thirstier than I expected. The juice was really refreshing and once more, it made me think of Jesus and how refreshing He is in my life when I allow Him to refresh me. Sometimes spending a lot of time in the Word makes me feel so human and small and sinful, but then I remember Jesus and how He has saved me from condemnation. Not only do I not spend enough time savoring Christ, I don't spend enough time letting Him refresh me. I don't spend enough time listening or watching for Him. I get distracted by the loudness of American culture and don't take the time to savor the beautiful whispers of God.
"I can feel you all around me thickening the air I'm breathing.
Holding onto what I'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing.
My hands float up above me and you whisper you love me
and I begin to fly into our secret place."
- "All Around Me" by David Crowder Band
Communion that morning was this beautiful moment for me, reminding me that I need to spend more time on the small things, instead of getting so overwhelmed by thinking about all of space and time and humanity. I'm not sure how many people freak out about big things like that… but sometimes that stuff just gets to me.
That night I took communion again at my 'home' church here. That night I was again convicted of the same thing because just in those few short hours between services I was struggling again. That night when I took the bread, it was more like a cracker and as it broke under the pressure from my teeth I thought, "This is just like me. I'm breaking the Body of Christ. That was me, all those years ago when Jesus hung limp on the cross… it was this sin that I'm struggling with that broke Him on that day. It's all of the sin I can look back on in my life that broke Him." I've realized over the past year that in my life, I've been so stubborn about me and my thoughts and my reasoning. I usually struggle with stuff for awhile because I'm too stubborn to just let go. Feeling that cracker-like bread break into a bunch of little pieces broke my heart… because Christ was broken because of my sin. It's sometimes easy for me to think about the sins of this world as a big blob of something that's not that personal… well… that night it was really personal. As I drank the juice I thought of Christ's body being completely drained of life. My sin, my sin drained the very life from the Body of Jesus. This is such a serious thing that we don't take as seriously as we should! My sin killed Jesus. I know I'm being repetitive, but how many times have I heard this in my life and I've missed it?! Don't miss it! Oh my gosh, this is just big. Christianity isn't a religion, it's life! We took a life, we killed a good man, and God has given us the grace and mercy and completely undeserved compassion to give us true life. Anyway, I left that night so grateful for Christ's sacrifice and resolved to deal with this problem that keeps popping up. I'm still seeking how to overcome this struggle, and so if you're praying for me while I'm here, please pray that I will learn how to be brave. I don't want to spend my life being a chicken for Christ. I want to be fearless in demonstrating Christ's love for everyone I meet. And I don't ever, ever want to forget that Jesus is the ONLY one that has saved me, and He will remain my only Savior for the rest of eternity.
"Grace be with all who have an undying love for our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 6:24
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
February in Review
It's easier just to post this here instead of sending a bunch of emails, so.... Hello! I thought it's high time I update you on what's gone on with me this past February!
When I got back from my orientation in Botswana, the first thing that I was allowed to do was shower, unpack, and relax! PRAISE THE LORD! Orientation wasn't easy and it was sooo nice to have a bed that I could call my own! The next day was another pretty easy day and I got to experience grocery shopping. It's actually very similar to going to Wal-Mart in America, except there are different brand names (and unfortunately no velveta cheese) and the Pick 'N Pay is located in the middle of a shopping mall! It's actually really nice being able to have a food court, grocery store, and all kinds of other nice stores in the same place. Overall, life here isn't too different from America. There's a McDonalds within walking distance of my flat (apartment), my flat's layout is very similar to one of my college dorms, and I spend a lot of my free time going to the movies or out to eat with the other single Americans here (and occasionally some of my new South African friends). So, leisure time is definitely enjoyable and fun here. :)
I love the work that I'm doing here! I'm so fortunate to have this opportunity to intern abroad! I've met just about everyone on the team now and have really enjoyed doing work for some of our clients. South Africa is such a diverse place and it's been really nice to meet so many different people!
Apart from work, I've had the opportunity to visit several ministries while I've been here. I've been to a boarding school for kids from poorer townships, I've been to a daycare in one of the very poor townships here, an orphanage for abandoned babies, and an orphanage for kids suffering from AIDS and other diseases, I've been to another township to prayer walk and play with kids, and I've been to the oriental district to prayer walk. Last Friday I went to a soup kitchen to serve homeless men. They've all been great places to see and next week we'll get to choose where we want to serve for the rest of the semester. Right now I'm thinking I'll go to the school. All of the kids are SO SWEET here! The kids at the school were especially fascinated with my extremely pale skin. They also could not understand how I was sunburned. They thought it was so odd that only a portion of my arm was red. I can't wait to become a regular at one of these ministries. :)
Each Sunday I've had the chance to visit a different church. So far I've been to six different churches, with two more left to visit. I loved the first one we visited and have already joined their praise team and play with them on Sunday nights. It's a lot of fun and the church there is veeery diverse. It's so cool to worship regularly with such a big mix of people :) The church itself is relatively small, and it's really more of a family atmosphere. Some of the adults I've met there are just amazing to get to know and they really have inspired me to dream & pray much bigger than I usually do. The pastor is great as well! His grandfather was sent to South Africa by Spurgeon to plant churches! It's definitely a close-knit group and my boss attends there as well.
Other fun things I've done is visit the Lion & Rhino park where lions brushed up against our car as they walked past us!!! That was probably the coolest experience here so far :) Pics are on Facebook if you haven't seen them yet. Also, I got to see my first Broadway play here (Phantom of the Opera) and it was amazing!! I definitely look forward to seeing something else on Broadway in the future. Sunday I also got to visit the "Top of Africa" and saw just how huge this city is!
That pretty much sums up my February. Right now I have a few prayer requests:
1. That I will be able to sleep better. It's different not having air conditioning here and so sleeping has been difficult. I also keep having sporadic nightmares, or just crazy dreams, so it's hard to stay well-rested, which in turn makes it harder to concentrate on my work throughout the day.
2. That God will open my ears to his instruction on a day-to-day basis. The faith of some of the people at my church, Lyndhurst, is just unbelievable and they are definitely prayer warriors. I'm really trying to depend on God as much as they do, and watching them has shown me how much I depend on my own means and strength in day-to-day activities.
3. Pray for future decisions. My boss has already asked me to start apply for a full-time position which would send me back here for 2+ years. That's a big commitment and I haven't heard any clear instructions from God on where He wants me next, so please pray for clarity and a peace of mind as I forge ahead and make decisions about the next leg of my life!
Many blessings,
Sarah Katherine
When I got back from my orientation in Botswana, the first thing that I was allowed to do was shower, unpack, and relax! PRAISE THE LORD! Orientation wasn't easy and it was sooo nice to have a bed that I could call my own! The next day was another pretty easy day and I got to experience grocery shopping. It's actually very similar to going to Wal-Mart in America, except there are different brand names (and unfortunately no velveta cheese) and the Pick 'N Pay is located in the middle of a shopping mall! It's actually really nice being able to have a food court, grocery store, and all kinds of other nice stores in the same place. Overall, life here isn't too different from America. There's a McDonalds within walking distance of my flat (apartment), my flat's layout is very similar to one of my college dorms, and I spend a lot of my free time going to the movies or out to eat with the other single Americans here (and occasionally some of my new South African friends). So, leisure time is definitely enjoyable and fun here. :)
I love the work that I'm doing here! I'm so fortunate to have this opportunity to intern abroad! I've met just about everyone on the team now and have really enjoyed doing work for some of our clients. South Africa is such a diverse place and it's been really nice to meet so many different people!
Apart from work, I've had the opportunity to visit several ministries while I've been here. I've been to a boarding school for kids from poorer townships, I've been to a daycare in one of the very poor townships here, an orphanage for abandoned babies, and an orphanage for kids suffering from AIDS and other diseases, I've been to another township to prayer walk and play with kids, and I've been to the oriental district to prayer walk. Last Friday I went to a soup kitchen to serve homeless men. They've all been great places to see and next week we'll get to choose where we want to serve for the rest of the semester. Right now I'm thinking I'll go to the school. All of the kids are SO SWEET here! The kids at the school were especially fascinated with my extremely pale skin. They also could not understand how I was sunburned. They thought it was so odd that only a portion of my arm was red. I can't wait to become a regular at one of these ministries. :)
Each Sunday I've had the chance to visit a different church. So far I've been to six different churches, with two more left to visit. I loved the first one we visited and have already joined their praise team and play with them on Sunday nights. It's a lot of fun and the church there is veeery diverse. It's so cool to worship regularly with such a big mix of people :) The church itself is relatively small, and it's really more of a family atmosphere. Some of the adults I've met there are just amazing to get to know and they really have inspired me to dream & pray much bigger than I usually do. The pastor is great as well! His grandfather was sent to South Africa by Spurgeon to plant churches! It's definitely a close-knit group and my boss attends there as well.
Other fun things I've done is visit the Lion & Rhino park where lions brushed up against our car as they walked past us!!! That was probably the coolest experience here so far :) Pics are on Facebook if you haven't seen them yet. Also, I got to see my first Broadway play here (Phantom of the Opera) and it was amazing!! I definitely look forward to seeing something else on Broadway in the future. Sunday I also got to visit the "Top of Africa" and saw just how huge this city is!
That pretty much sums up my February. Right now I have a few prayer requests:
1. That I will be able to sleep better. It's different not having air conditioning here and so sleeping has been difficult. I also keep having sporadic nightmares, or just crazy dreams, so it's hard to stay well-rested, which in turn makes it harder to concentrate on my work throughout the day.
2. That God will open my ears to his instruction on a day-to-day basis. The faith of some of the people at my church, Lyndhurst, is just unbelievable and they are definitely prayer warriors. I'm really trying to depend on God as much as they do, and watching them has shown me how much I depend on my own means and strength in day-to-day activities.
3. Pray for future decisions. My boss has already asked me to start apply for a full-time position which would send me back here for 2+ years. That's a big commitment and I haven't heard any clear instructions from God on where He wants me next, so please pray for clarity and a peace of mind as I forge ahead and make decisions about the next leg of my life!
Many blessings,
Sarah Katherine
Saturday, February 18, 2012
My Radical Year
Perfection. Man, this word has followed me everywhere.
How can we define perfection if we are imperfect?
When our focus is to be perfect like Christ, we are running toward a goal we can't even define. It makes it easy for us to lose a sense of clear direction because we don't actually have a clear goal. In that case, our life is more about the goal of "doing." We want to do as Christ did and do the right thing.
What happens when we stop trying to "do" and we focus instead on "being"?
The only way for us to be Christ, instead of trying to be like him, is to rely on what He's given us - the Holy Spirit. How can we be Christ or even be like Christ without Christ's Spirit? If we change our goals and focus on just God, where can we go wrong? If our focus is God, then we should seek God more, spend more time with God more, depend on God, all with a clear focus - God. If our focus is being like God, the focus is more on ourselves and our capability to change.
We aren't capable of change.
Not in our own power. True change is the change from being selfish to being selfless. We naturally want to place ourselves at the center of our universe. Even people will low self-esteem often place themselves in the center, it's just in a negative light instead of a positive one. The only way for us to truly change is to focus on God, because when our hearts and minds are turned toward God, His glory will shine on us and radiate through us. We're supposed to be like mirrors - reflecting God's glory and allowing God to see Himself in us. We're not dogs or animals trying to learn new tricks, and we're not chameleons trying to make ourselves morph into God. The more we lose ourselves, the more God can show Himself through us. The more we let go of the things we believe define us - like personality traits, likes & dislikes, our own moral code - the more God can replace those things in us with His characteristics and His heart.
To quote Casting Crowns, "With eyes wide open to the differences - the god we want and the God who is. But could we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"
I can't imagine living a better life than a life where most of my time is spent in prayer and seeking to know God. Last year I read "Radical" by David Platt and I made several commitments. I promised to join a church, I promised to fast from buying books, movies, and music for my own personal pleasure, I promised to read through the Bible in one year, I promised to spend a portion of my life in another context (meaning in a different culture and place), and I promised to pray for the nations every day. This year, through attempting to keep these commitments, I learned a lot about myself.
1) Promising to join a church…
I did not officially join a church this past year, but I've realized that there's so much more to standing before the church saying, "I'm joining this specific Body." My life is in a perpetual state of transition right now. I lived in Birmingham from February to August, in Huntsville from August to January, and now I'm in South Africa until June. It seemed a little weird officially joining a church. What HAS stuck out is how I'm called to consistently be a part of the Body of Christ. College was a time where I was pretty unplugged from any consistent form of fellowship with the Body. I went to a different church each year of college because of several reasons, but mainly it came down to sound doctrine. I don't think I realized how important sound doctrine was to my faith until I came to college and found a lot of places that were either technically preaching the Gospel by word, but not by action and attitude of heart, and then I found places that just weren't teaching the Word, or they twisted the Word to fit their purposes. At one place I even made some of the church leadership angry because I was questioning what they were teaching and they accused me of being afraid of God. Well, YEAH. Duh. I am afraid of God. He's the only thing in the universe that can condemn me. He's the most just and righteous entity/ being/ spirit in existence. Of course I'm afraid of leading people astray and I'm afraid of fitting his Word to match my lifestyle and my natural instinct. When they accused me of that, it was one of the biggest wake up calls of my experience at that church. That was the first church that really turned me off to the whole idea of church. I've been hurt by church people before - I don't think there's any possible way to avoid getting hurt by church people during your lifetime (considering there are quite a few unSaved churched people). Anyway, I can talk about that another time because it's a whole 'nother topic.
So, God really showed me that regardless of my past experiences or my present situations, I really have to be involved as a member of the Body of Christ, regardless also of what church service I attend. So, I did some things I typically would not have done had I not been listening to God's urging. This past summer I joined a discipleship group at the church I had attended since the previous Thanksgiving. I knew there probably wouldn't be any UAB people and I knew I probably wouldn't know anyone in it, which generally terrified me. I was not good around new people - I've been extremely shy. BUT, I joined nonetheless because I knew God wanted me with a group of believers I could be transparent with. Guess what? Those girls - SO not scary. They were awesome! =) I grew a lot last summer because it was one of the few times where I was completely open to whatever God wanted to me to here. I struggle with being stubborn and clinging onto past experiences, but this summer I took a leap of faith and I learned more about God and my own faith than I have in a loooong time. I regularly attended our college ministry stuff and even had legit fun in the process. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal at all, but you just don't understand how scary people are to me. In my mind, people (even people that you truly love as friends, family, or your significant other) hurt you. They cause sometimes unbearable pain. I've had a lot of moments in my life where I've questioned my own significance as a human being solely because I felt so unbelievably worthless to everyone I cared about. This summer, God just kind of broke up a lot of my expectations and told me that I've just had lots of experiences with people that don't have Him hidden in their heart. He showed me a group of still imperfect people, but people that truly sought God. I can't really describe how much it meant to me that Erica, Hannah, Emily Grace, Emily, Janna, Katherine, and all the other D-group girls were willing to be friends with me and love me as their Sister when they didn't even know me.
Studying at Shades this summer, along with 'interning' aka. editing videos for their media director, opened my eyes to all the suspicion and distrust and resentment I had built up against the church. It showed me that I have a place in the Church and a calling to really be a Sister within the Body of Christ. It also showed me the importance of finding a family that's for real about following Christ, a family that is following the call to make disciples, a family that focuses on humility before God, a family that prays passionately, a family that depends on the Spirit, and a family that pour over the Word and promises and teaching of Christ. I'm so done with the pleasing doctrine that ignores God's Word and promises comfort and riches during this life. That's not what this life is about. This life is a race and it's not supposed to be rainbows and butterflies all the time. It's supposed to be about giving God glory throughout absolutely everything. So, in conclusion - wherever I am and for however long, I'm going to be involved in the Body of Christ. In Huntsville I was blessed to help out with my home church's youth group and puppet team, and now I'm in a praise band and I'm hoping to somehow get involved with the youth group if possible.
2) Promising to fast…
So, books, movies, and music = pretty much what I draw energy from. People talk about introversion and extraversion and how you either draw energy from people or from time alone. Well, I don't really care if people are with me or not with me, so long as I have time to completely lose myself in the awesome imagination God's blessed me with. Listening to just one song can put me in a completely different world. I decided to fast from these things for several reasons.
A. I wanted to spend more time with people and less by myself. I decided before I started my fast that I would still go to the movie theater with people, but I wouldn't buy my own movies or go to the theater alone. This was a LOT more difficult than I anticipated. I eventually got used to it, but not buying music whenever I wanted it was SO HARD. The awesome thing that came from this is that it made me value the money God gives me to spend more, because I had more money to spend with friends. I spent more time doing fun stuff with other people and sharing/ experiencing life with others, more so than I had previously done. I also had less incentive to stay in my room. I also was able to spend more on other people, and I've realized that I really like being able to say, "Don't worry! I've got you covered!" when someone worries about not having enough money to spend time with me and other friends. I know Feb 22nd is coming up close and my initial response is to buy and download every episode of Doctor Who, but now I'm really questioning if that's how I want to spend my money when I can use my money to help others, give to others, or use it to allow me to spend time with others. Same thing with movies and books.
B. When it came to individual books I wanted to read or movies people told me to watch, I started asking if I could borrow stuff. I wasn't really expecting this, but it really showed me which of my friends really trust me and which ones don't. I can say that I definitely chose some really great best friends. =) I can also say this showed me who I need to pray for because they have problems trusting their close friends…. I know myself, and I take good care of my stuff, particularly if it's not mine and I'm borrowing something. If I ruined something of someone else's I would replace it. I know my own character, and this experience revealed to me that I shouldn't get my feelings hurt so easily when people don't trust me after YEARS of friendship. I can't change their hearts by being any different than I already am, with the exception of praying for that person more and more. So, yeah. Friends. Learned a lot about them this past year. (Quick blurb: I think my best friends found out how much I really love to read this past year, because I got a lot of books for Christmas, and it really was an excellent Christmas =) Thanks guys!)
My fast is almost over and I can buy stuff again. I can't wait to see where I am a year from now and see how my method/ thought processes of buying fun stuff has changed.
3) Promising to read the Bible….
This started out so much easier the first half of the year… partially because it seemed like I had more time to study the Word in college than I did in real life after graduation, partially because it took a while before I hit Jeremiah and Ezekiel (ijfoiwejflksaejfoawiefaowief -- my feelings on these two books). About a month ago I realized that I was going to only read the Old Testament in a year. Luckily, I had already read the New Testament all the way through before last year when I made this commitment, so I can at least say I've read the entire Bible by this Feb 22nd. Looking back, I wish I would've started reading my Bible regularly when I first became a Christian when I was 15. I can look back and see the incredible power of the Lord in my life, but I would bet that the transformation I've experienced would've gone a lot quicker had a remained faithful in consistently reading and studying His Word. This year has shown me how interested I really am in studying the Word. It's gone from more than I desire just to read, and a much stronger desire to truly understand. That's why Jeremiah and Ezekiel really hung me up - I just don't get them. I understand the importance of truly following God and I understand His righteousness more, but there's just a lot of fire and brimstone type stuff that is heavy and I just don't get all of it. So, yeah. When this year is up I'm going to focus more one taking my time in studying the Word, as opposed to reading through.
I'm really happy I decided to read through the bible though. I loved reading through Job because now I know that regardless of any hardship I face, I'm supposed to remain faithful to God and that my faithfulness will most certainly pay off even when it seems like there's no hope. It inspired me to hold closer to God during hard times. I also loved reading Isaiah. God is so good :) He is a great God of great promises. Isaiah made me fall more in love with God and reminded me that after this life long race, I get to spend the rest of eternity in joyous praise of true holiness =)
Reading through the OT taught me much more than I can share right here, but overall it showed me that God's Word isn't an option in my life. If I want to grow, I have to seek God, pray, look and listen for him anywhere and everywhere, and read His Word - a great tool that too often gets overlooked.
4) Promising to spend my life in another context…
Well… hello. I'm in South Africa right now! Even though I spend the majority of my day in an office at work, I'm still intentionally going out to find ministries to get involved in outside of work. In my mind, everything I do is about bringing glory to God's name and trying to urge people to join in His great work! I'm so excited to have this opportunity to serve Him in a different culture and in a different phase of life. Primarily my goal is to make disciples. One quote that motivates me is from Francis Chan's talk at Passion 2012: "Do you really believe that God commanded you to go and make disciples? … Do you read that and go, 'Alright, I'm gonna go start making some disciples.' You guys, we gotta start doing this. Man, we talk about human trafficking… the solution to human trafficking is making disciples. That's a solution. It's changing people's hearts because some of the people that you go to school with, some of them will be the victims of human trafficking and some of them will be the culprits of it."
If we spend our lives fighting bad things because we want to get rid of bad things, and all we do is try to oppose bad things through our own resources and abilities, we're never going to get rid of the problem. The problem is that people need their lives changed, and not enough of us that have had our lives changed are willing to go out and talk about how others can receive life change. That's not me anymore. God saved me. He changed my life. I'm not compassionate or forgiving by my own power. I'm not caring or loyal by my own power. I can't write or edit videos because I made myself good at those things. Everything I am is because of the power of God in my life. Everything I do needs to be about Him. My life is wrong if it's not all about Him. My life is without purpose if I'm not glorifying Him. I'm not sure where I'll be 2, 10 or 50 years down the road, but the one thing I hope is forever consistent in my life is that I will glorify God in everything and that my life is about sharing His work, and His goodness, and His solution to all problems. I can't dedicate my life to anything better than that.
5) Promising to pray for the nations every day…
This was the one thing that really tripped me up. The biggest thing this year of radical-ness taught me was that I'm not a radical prayer warrior, but I DESPERATELY need to be. This has been a particularly big thing the past few weeks here in South Africa. Despite all I've learned about God in the past year, people still scare me, I miss my friends like you wouldn't believe it, I still have to surrender my doubt to God whenever it shows up, and through reading the Word and listening to the things some of my friends say and do and believe, I realize that I am so small. I am SO small. I can't, through my power, save my friends or make them understand God. I can't save the world or take away people's problems by myself. I'm not in control, I'm not powerful, and I don't have tons of money or ideas to create a perfect life for anyone. BUT, I have God. I think that the world would be a radically different place if every person that claimed they followed Christ spent 1 hour on their knees in earnest, heartfelt prayer every day. I truly believe our planet would be a different place if we Christians did that.
I personally rely on myself far too often. I process things on my own, I think a lot and use my own reasoning. I don't fall down before God and ask for help or beg for the salvation of those I care about every day, and I know I should be. Don't get me wrong - I have cried out to God for a lot of people that I love and even people that I don't even know. I'm just not consistent with it because I get so distracted. I've spent 10 years living inside my head and only really letting God in from time to time. I want to be able to radically pray anytime anywhere. I know this is going to take my own time though. I know I've got to choose to surrender my time, mind, and heart to pray for others. So, in an effort to become a radical prayer warrior, starting tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 4am each day and spend time on my knees praying. This won't be easy, cause the Lord knows I love my sleep. BUT I realize that there are SO many more people more important than my sleep. I also realize that I won't see crazy love or crazy healing in my own life for myself, my family and my friends if I don't daily spend time just asking God for His Hand, His Help, and His Spirit. So yeah. My radical year was missing 1/5th of the radical-ness that I hoped to experience, so it's time to remedy that.
In conclusion, I just want to reiterate that God is so good. I am powerless because God controls everything and He is above all things. Anything I do that makes me feel like I'm powerful is a trap and a lie. God is power. God is love.
God is my everything. He is perfection.
How can we define perfection if we are imperfect?
When our focus is to be perfect like Christ, we are running toward a goal we can't even define. It makes it easy for us to lose a sense of clear direction because we don't actually have a clear goal. In that case, our life is more about the goal of "doing." We want to do as Christ did and do the right thing.
What happens when we stop trying to "do" and we focus instead on "being"?
The only way for us to be Christ, instead of trying to be like him, is to rely on what He's given us - the Holy Spirit. How can we be Christ or even be like Christ without Christ's Spirit? If we change our goals and focus on just God, where can we go wrong? If our focus is God, then we should seek God more, spend more time with God more, depend on God, all with a clear focus - God. If our focus is being like God, the focus is more on ourselves and our capability to change.
We aren't capable of change.
Not in our own power. True change is the change from being selfish to being selfless. We naturally want to place ourselves at the center of our universe. Even people will low self-esteem often place themselves in the center, it's just in a negative light instead of a positive one. The only way for us to truly change is to focus on God, because when our hearts and minds are turned toward God, His glory will shine on us and radiate through us. We're supposed to be like mirrors - reflecting God's glory and allowing God to see Himself in us. We're not dogs or animals trying to learn new tricks, and we're not chameleons trying to make ourselves morph into God. The more we lose ourselves, the more God can show Himself through us. The more we let go of the things we believe define us - like personality traits, likes & dislikes, our own moral code - the more God can replace those things in us with His characteristics and His heart.
To quote Casting Crowns, "With eyes wide open to the differences - the god we want and the God who is. But could we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?"
I can't imagine living a better life than a life where most of my time is spent in prayer and seeking to know God. Last year I read "Radical" by David Platt and I made several commitments. I promised to join a church, I promised to fast from buying books, movies, and music for my own personal pleasure, I promised to read through the Bible in one year, I promised to spend a portion of my life in another context (meaning in a different culture and place), and I promised to pray for the nations every day. This year, through attempting to keep these commitments, I learned a lot about myself.
1) Promising to join a church…
I did not officially join a church this past year, but I've realized that there's so much more to standing before the church saying, "I'm joining this specific Body." My life is in a perpetual state of transition right now. I lived in Birmingham from February to August, in Huntsville from August to January, and now I'm in South Africa until June. It seemed a little weird officially joining a church. What HAS stuck out is how I'm called to consistently be a part of the Body of Christ. College was a time where I was pretty unplugged from any consistent form of fellowship with the Body. I went to a different church each year of college because of several reasons, but mainly it came down to sound doctrine. I don't think I realized how important sound doctrine was to my faith until I came to college and found a lot of places that were either technically preaching the Gospel by word, but not by action and attitude of heart, and then I found places that just weren't teaching the Word, or they twisted the Word to fit their purposes. At one place I even made some of the church leadership angry because I was questioning what they were teaching and they accused me of being afraid of God. Well, YEAH. Duh. I am afraid of God. He's the only thing in the universe that can condemn me. He's the most just and righteous entity/ being/ spirit in existence. Of course I'm afraid of leading people astray and I'm afraid of fitting his Word to match my lifestyle and my natural instinct. When they accused me of that, it was one of the biggest wake up calls of my experience at that church. That was the first church that really turned me off to the whole idea of church. I've been hurt by church people before - I don't think there's any possible way to avoid getting hurt by church people during your lifetime (considering there are quite a few unSaved churched people). Anyway, I can talk about that another time because it's a whole 'nother topic.
So, God really showed me that regardless of my past experiences or my present situations, I really have to be involved as a member of the Body of Christ, regardless also of what church service I attend. So, I did some things I typically would not have done had I not been listening to God's urging. This past summer I joined a discipleship group at the church I had attended since the previous Thanksgiving. I knew there probably wouldn't be any UAB people and I knew I probably wouldn't know anyone in it, which generally terrified me. I was not good around new people - I've been extremely shy. BUT, I joined nonetheless because I knew God wanted me with a group of believers I could be transparent with. Guess what? Those girls - SO not scary. They were awesome! =) I grew a lot last summer because it was one of the few times where I was completely open to whatever God wanted to me to here. I struggle with being stubborn and clinging onto past experiences, but this summer I took a leap of faith and I learned more about God and my own faith than I have in a loooong time. I regularly attended our college ministry stuff and even had legit fun in the process. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal at all, but you just don't understand how scary people are to me. In my mind, people (even people that you truly love as friends, family, or your significant other) hurt you. They cause sometimes unbearable pain. I've had a lot of moments in my life where I've questioned my own significance as a human being solely because I felt so unbelievably worthless to everyone I cared about. This summer, God just kind of broke up a lot of my expectations and told me that I've just had lots of experiences with people that don't have Him hidden in their heart. He showed me a group of still imperfect people, but people that truly sought God. I can't really describe how much it meant to me that Erica, Hannah, Emily Grace, Emily, Janna, Katherine, and all the other D-group girls were willing to be friends with me and love me as their Sister when they didn't even know me.
Studying at Shades this summer, along with 'interning' aka. editing videos for their media director, opened my eyes to all the suspicion and distrust and resentment I had built up against the church. It showed me that I have a place in the Church and a calling to really be a Sister within the Body of Christ. It also showed me the importance of finding a family that's for real about following Christ, a family that is following the call to make disciples, a family that focuses on humility before God, a family that prays passionately, a family that depends on the Spirit, and a family that pour over the Word and promises and teaching of Christ. I'm so done with the pleasing doctrine that ignores God's Word and promises comfort and riches during this life. That's not what this life is about. This life is a race and it's not supposed to be rainbows and butterflies all the time. It's supposed to be about giving God glory throughout absolutely everything. So, in conclusion - wherever I am and for however long, I'm going to be involved in the Body of Christ. In Huntsville I was blessed to help out with my home church's youth group and puppet team, and now I'm in a praise band and I'm hoping to somehow get involved with the youth group if possible.
2) Promising to fast…
So, books, movies, and music = pretty much what I draw energy from. People talk about introversion and extraversion and how you either draw energy from people or from time alone. Well, I don't really care if people are with me or not with me, so long as I have time to completely lose myself in the awesome imagination God's blessed me with. Listening to just one song can put me in a completely different world. I decided to fast from these things for several reasons.
A. I wanted to spend more time with people and less by myself. I decided before I started my fast that I would still go to the movie theater with people, but I wouldn't buy my own movies or go to the theater alone. This was a LOT more difficult than I anticipated. I eventually got used to it, but not buying music whenever I wanted it was SO HARD. The awesome thing that came from this is that it made me value the money God gives me to spend more, because I had more money to spend with friends. I spent more time doing fun stuff with other people and sharing/ experiencing life with others, more so than I had previously done. I also had less incentive to stay in my room. I also was able to spend more on other people, and I've realized that I really like being able to say, "Don't worry! I've got you covered!" when someone worries about not having enough money to spend time with me and other friends. I know Feb 22nd is coming up close and my initial response is to buy and download every episode of Doctor Who, but now I'm really questioning if that's how I want to spend my money when I can use my money to help others, give to others, or use it to allow me to spend time with others. Same thing with movies and books.
B. When it came to individual books I wanted to read or movies people told me to watch, I started asking if I could borrow stuff. I wasn't really expecting this, but it really showed me which of my friends really trust me and which ones don't. I can say that I definitely chose some really great best friends. =) I can also say this showed me who I need to pray for because they have problems trusting their close friends…. I know myself, and I take good care of my stuff, particularly if it's not mine and I'm borrowing something. If I ruined something of someone else's I would replace it. I know my own character, and this experience revealed to me that I shouldn't get my feelings hurt so easily when people don't trust me after YEARS of friendship. I can't change their hearts by being any different than I already am, with the exception of praying for that person more and more. So, yeah. Friends. Learned a lot about them this past year. (Quick blurb: I think my best friends found out how much I really love to read this past year, because I got a lot of books for Christmas, and it really was an excellent Christmas =) Thanks guys!)
My fast is almost over and I can buy stuff again. I can't wait to see where I am a year from now and see how my method/ thought processes of buying fun stuff has changed.
3) Promising to read the Bible….
This started out so much easier the first half of the year… partially because it seemed like I had more time to study the Word in college than I did in real life after graduation, partially because it took a while before I hit Jeremiah and Ezekiel (ijfoiwejflksaejfoawiefaowief -- my feelings on these two books). About a month ago I realized that I was going to only read the Old Testament in a year. Luckily, I had already read the New Testament all the way through before last year when I made this commitment, so I can at least say I've read the entire Bible by this Feb 22nd. Looking back, I wish I would've started reading my Bible regularly when I first became a Christian when I was 15. I can look back and see the incredible power of the Lord in my life, but I would bet that the transformation I've experienced would've gone a lot quicker had a remained faithful in consistently reading and studying His Word. This year has shown me how interested I really am in studying the Word. It's gone from more than I desire just to read, and a much stronger desire to truly understand. That's why Jeremiah and Ezekiel really hung me up - I just don't get them. I understand the importance of truly following God and I understand His righteousness more, but there's just a lot of fire and brimstone type stuff that is heavy and I just don't get all of it. So, yeah. When this year is up I'm going to focus more one taking my time in studying the Word, as opposed to reading through.
I'm really happy I decided to read through the bible though. I loved reading through Job because now I know that regardless of any hardship I face, I'm supposed to remain faithful to God and that my faithfulness will most certainly pay off even when it seems like there's no hope. It inspired me to hold closer to God during hard times. I also loved reading Isaiah. God is so good :) He is a great God of great promises. Isaiah made me fall more in love with God and reminded me that after this life long race, I get to spend the rest of eternity in joyous praise of true holiness =)
Reading through the OT taught me much more than I can share right here, but overall it showed me that God's Word isn't an option in my life. If I want to grow, I have to seek God, pray, look and listen for him anywhere and everywhere, and read His Word - a great tool that too often gets overlooked.
4) Promising to spend my life in another context…
Well… hello. I'm in South Africa right now! Even though I spend the majority of my day in an office at work, I'm still intentionally going out to find ministries to get involved in outside of work. In my mind, everything I do is about bringing glory to God's name and trying to urge people to join in His great work! I'm so excited to have this opportunity to serve Him in a different culture and in a different phase of life. Primarily my goal is to make disciples. One quote that motivates me is from Francis Chan's talk at Passion 2012: "Do you really believe that God commanded you to go and make disciples? … Do you read that and go, 'Alright, I'm gonna go start making some disciples.' You guys, we gotta start doing this. Man, we talk about human trafficking… the solution to human trafficking is making disciples. That's a solution. It's changing people's hearts because some of the people that you go to school with, some of them will be the victims of human trafficking and some of them will be the culprits of it."
If we spend our lives fighting bad things because we want to get rid of bad things, and all we do is try to oppose bad things through our own resources and abilities, we're never going to get rid of the problem. The problem is that people need their lives changed, and not enough of us that have had our lives changed are willing to go out and talk about how others can receive life change. That's not me anymore. God saved me. He changed my life. I'm not compassionate or forgiving by my own power. I'm not caring or loyal by my own power. I can't write or edit videos because I made myself good at those things. Everything I am is because of the power of God in my life. Everything I do needs to be about Him. My life is wrong if it's not all about Him. My life is without purpose if I'm not glorifying Him. I'm not sure where I'll be 2, 10 or 50 years down the road, but the one thing I hope is forever consistent in my life is that I will glorify God in everything and that my life is about sharing His work, and His goodness, and His solution to all problems. I can't dedicate my life to anything better than that.
5) Promising to pray for the nations every day…
This was the one thing that really tripped me up. The biggest thing this year of radical-ness taught me was that I'm not a radical prayer warrior, but I DESPERATELY need to be. This has been a particularly big thing the past few weeks here in South Africa. Despite all I've learned about God in the past year, people still scare me, I miss my friends like you wouldn't believe it, I still have to surrender my doubt to God whenever it shows up, and through reading the Word and listening to the things some of my friends say and do and believe, I realize that I am so small. I am SO small. I can't, through my power, save my friends or make them understand God. I can't save the world or take away people's problems by myself. I'm not in control, I'm not powerful, and I don't have tons of money or ideas to create a perfect life for anyone. BUT, I have God. I think that the world would be a radically different place if every person that claimed they followed Christ spent 1 hour on their knees in earnest, heartfelt prayer every day. I truly believe our planet would be a different place if we Christians did that.
I personally rely on myself far too often. I process things on my own, I think a lot and use my own reasoning. I don't fall down before God and ask for help or beg for the salvation of those I care about every day, and I know I should be. Don't get me wrong - I have cried out to God for a lot of people that I love and even people that I don't even know. I'm just not consistent with it because I get so distracted. I've spent 10 years living inside my head and only really letting God in from time to time. I want to be able to radically pray anytime anywhere. I know this is going to take my own time though. I know I've got to choose to surrender my time, mind, and heart to pray for others. So, in an effort to become a radical prayer warrior, starting tomorrow I'm going to wake up at 4am each day and spend time on my knees praying. This won't be easy, cause the Lord knows I love my sleep. BUT I realize that there are SO many more people more important than my sleep. I also realize that I won't see crazy love or crazy healing in my own life for myself, my family and my friends if I don't daily spend time just asking God for His Hand, His Help, and His Spirit. So yeah. My radical year was missing 1/5th of the radical-ness that I hoped to experience, so it's time to remedy that.
In conclusion, I just want to reiterate that God is so good. I am powerless because God controls everything and He is above all things. Anything I do that makes me feel like I'm powerful is a trap and a lie. God is power. God is love.
God is my everything. He is perfection.
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